001 CHRONICLES: TRAILER POST

#1
DISCLAIMER: This post and the ones that follow are inspired by a true story.

JUNE, 16TH 2009.

This is the fateful day that I must confess it left a positive smack on my life.

I was summoned by the no nonsense Deputy Principal, Jim, an alias we fondly used. On entering the office, I found everybody who had been left behind when other students broke for midterm break. We were about twenty six students across all four forms and streams, almost evenly distributed among the 5 dormitories.

‘You are hereby suspended for two weeks as from now. When others left, you took advantage of freedom and vandalized all these boxes. Instead of doing something constructive, some of you spent the whole day listening to ganja farmer as well as smoking in the dorm. I don’t need any explanations. Here are your suspension letters and I expect you to have cleared out of the compound by the next 30 minutes. The 30 minutes begin now.’ Those were the only words that spelt hell had broken loose. No one would dare Mr. Jim’s orders. In about 20 minutes I was out of the school compound wondering what would befall me.

I was in form 3 and had never been suspended from school. I felt tears drop down my cheeks and my heart pained me. ‘What did I do to deserve this? What will I tell mum? What will happen when my uncle who was funding my education knows this? What do I do?’ I was lost in my thoughts since I had no experience in this and just screening back to my roots, I only saw hell.

I made up my mind to go home and never tell mum what happened as I thought of something else brilliant. I boarded a Embu mat then a Meru one. From Nkubu was straight home mat and about 0530hrs I was home. I found mum tending our only cow by the shed while Chui, our dog welcomed me all merry and huggy.

‘Haiya, nani huyu? Kwani umefukuzwa shule? Si midterm ilikuwa inaisha jana wengine wakarudi? Si fees mwalimu anajuanga vile kunaendanga? Ni nini imeendelea kwa sababu sielewi?’ That was mum’s welcome. The words from her mouth got me moody and I never knew how tears formed and I burst into sobs. She came and held me as she checked for bruises and the courage to lie flew away. She reached out for my bag and boom, she got the suspension letter. She read it, looked at me with what I must say were ‘dry eyes.’ She never said a word to me and she continued with her chores as if nothing had happened. It was then my kiddo brother arrived from the canteen and engaged me in all manner of questions. I felt awkward when trying to fake a smile when my heart was bleeding.

Evening came and mum prepared dinner. I was dusting my cave with my kiddo bro telling me how new teachers have joined their school. Being in class 2, he was excited that it’s only one term away and he will also be using ink. Mum called him and he came back with dinner. We ate and slept.

Early in the morning my bro woke up, prepared for school and left. All this time, mum hadn’t said a word to me. I fetched a panga and left to search some pasture for our ‘mukune’ as she milked. When I returned, she yelled at me that even with my absence, the cow has been feeding. She let me know that my help was not needed. This tormented my already broken mind and soul. I felt so useless and worthless at the same time. My mind went rogue. I’d have sobbed but this time, I felt the inner me tell me that I’m being silly and stupid.

‘si wanaume wanaenda Mombasa after kumaliza class 8 na within 2 years wanaanza kufanya mambo? Kwani mimi nimerogwa that siwezi fanya kama wengine? By the way, masomo si suruali ati watu wataona makei wakijua sijasoma! Hata cuzo ako Mombasa na alidropia class 2, na saa hii ashajenga keja smart na ako na mbuzi kadhaa. I won’t be a burden all the time whereas I know I’m heavy enough. Aaaaaaaaai, mimi nasonga coast.’

There I was with a protocol to save out my ass. I retrieved my simcard, parked all my Sunday bests and scanned my mum’s position. She was out in the shamba running her errands and that gave me the opportunity to sneak to her house and in seconds, I was in her vault. I swept everything and left her house. When in my cave, I counted the cash and I was 1400 bob rich. I added my 150 bob and I knew I was safe. I just left a note on the table telling her not to worry about me, I’d be fine. I sneaked out of the compound and vanished.

From home to Meru town cost me 150 bob and at about 1500 hrs I was in Meru. I easily located the Mombasa bus offices and the damages were fare enough, 900 bob. I paid and was granted a receipt but the departure time was 1800 hrs. I had more than 2 hours to roam around. I was starving and I checked in at a food kiosk and 50 bob left me with no space for water in my stomach. The new atmosphere of freedom was so serene. It’d be unforgivable if I happened to sleep during the journey so I got myself at a miraa kibanda. I bought 3 bunches (sarba) for 100 bob, peanuts for 20 bob and 500ml plastic soda, krest for 55 bob. I was more armed than Arnold when leaving for his daughter rescue mission.

I lied low around the terminus and it was departure time. Awesome reggae tunes playing in Metro FM with a bulge forming in my left cheek, we all got to our receipt number prescribed seats and soon, the Nyambene Express bus coughed as it left to the land that until today, I feel its debacle.
 
#12
Long time ago i was once suspended while in form 2 for spanking a teacher on practice from moi university who had a sidika-like ass...nilipewa suspension na deputy principal nikakwama shule and refused to go home instead i went straight to class...jamaa alikuja kunitoa class na war ajab akaita security guards wanitoe shule,i went out and sneaked back in.Depa kuniona kesho yake ilibidi tu awache nikae shule nikapewa punishment ya kupasua logs.
 
#14
Enhe! Condinue buana
Murume...........marisia mbwana
Pewa kang'eta na unitumie paybill number...Once you're through with the hekaya!
Metro FM, Nyambene star, hmmmm hekaya from late 90s,
Endelea please


Waiting for the next chapter. @Nattydread . Pitia hapa.
Wachia Rîkîa Hekaya bwana.
Hekaya safi lakini malizia.
Nimesikia na nimekubali wangwana, asubuhi na mapema nitaingusha.
Thank you for your interest, i bow!
 
#19
Long time ago i was once suspended while in form 2 for spanking a teacher on practice from moi university who had a sidika-like ass...nilipewa suspension na deputy principal nikakwama shule and refused to go home instead i went straight to class...jamaa alikuja kunitoa class na war ajab akaita security guards wanitoe shule,i went out and sneaked back in.Depa kuniona kesho yake ilibidi tu awache nikae shule nikapewa punishment ya kupasua logs.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Wewe ni @Bingwa Scrotum
 

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