A few driving Rules

Motoring
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  1. Hand over hand steering, hii mambo ya kuturn steering wheel kama ni mshipi unavaa ni risk to you and other drivers.
  2. Keep left if you are driving slower than your peers.
  3. Ukipitwa kwa barabara, tulia…hata kama ni Passo. … no need to compare dick size katikati ya Nyayo na Haile Sellasie roundabout.
  4. Ukibadilisha lane, kuna kitu inaitwa indicator, kaitumie, hata kwa jam. Sisi si mind readers.
  5. Wacha kunusa haga ya gari yangu na bumper yako halafu unanipigia horn immediately lights go green…nitawasha hazard na kukaa ngumu hadi ziende red tena.
  6. (Especially females) Kama umescratchiwa kidogo, exchange number muelewane mbele… usilete your boyfriend, sponsor, husband, insurance agents kuangalia kitu sabuni na buffing inatoa.
  7. Usiingie kwa lane, halafu nikuachie halafu urudi kwa lane yako. Pata msimamo, watermelon behaviour itakungolea bumper.
  8. Tabia za safari rally na gari yako ni 1000 cc …
  9. Kuzima gari kwa stop zote ni beyond granny driving techniques, especially kama ina shida ya kustart.
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kwanza number 3 kutoka hio roundabout ya Bunyala, delay by a second uanze kuhootiwa

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Number 6 very true

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2 years back hivi. A bitch ameniscratch namshow ,its her fault analeta nyef most kabla hata nipumue sponsor na bro wako kwa scene…lakini wakachorea kuwa ako wrong but it was late and ujinga A westi npaka road, wakampa vibe ya kuishia tubonge like men. Wasn’t a big deal all I wanted was for her to own up and leave me alone …sadly ended up with two niggs number I din even call to follow up the issue- lucky bitch.siku moja atapata bumper nimengoa ya hako ka demio hata kama si remember number plates zake.

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Unapata hooter ni chali alinunua probox last week unamwacha anakupita anashindwa kuovertake lorry kwa hio hill ya railways.

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Hahaha…halafu unapata mtu kwa car bazaar anakuambia gari ni safi because it has a lady owner.

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Number 3 and 7. Na watu wa probox

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Ukiweka ya kutembea nitakuja kusoma, otherwise can’t relate

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Rich people are naturally humble. Kuna day nilikuwa nareverse kwa supermarket nikabonda range rover ya mtu…I almost shit my pants. Scariest day of my life. Huyo mzee alitoka supermarket akanipata nimejishika sura. Akaona mimi ni peasant akachukua funguo akanigeuzia gari akaniambia niende nisijali. Niko sure alilipishwa more than 100k kurepair hiyo dent. I was anew driver.

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No 2 is the most violated. Unapata mtu ako 80kph but ameng’ang’ania accelerating lane. These drivers cause more accidents than anybody else.

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In the spirit of equal representation ya new constitution:

  1. Vuka kwa zebra crossing na foot bridge.
  2. Romance (handholding) hufanywa uptown…huko downtown, watu wana stress za kuavoid hawkers, matatu, pick pockets etc…usiongeze kushikana mikono kwa hio jam.
  3. Kama uko express lane ya asubuhi (Mbagathi way to Industrial Area) tembea kwa pace ya afya…jam za kusleki peleka two rivers ama kwa mall.
  4. Tembea vizuri, wacha kuweka attitude kwa kutembea kuchoresha kiatu pythagoras bure.
  5. Kama wewe ni mfupi, weka umbrella juu usidunge watu warefu macho.
  6. (Especially singo mathas), ukitembea, usiswing mkono haishiki handbag violently, utagonga gonads za mwanamme bure. Tembea kwa upole.
  7. Angalia pahali unaenda, usikanyage mtu kitu, na usipigwe kofi na sidemirror ya matatu.
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Driving sch is in dire need of Matiangirization

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I think by know if someone is selling you a car and tells you that…honestly anakudharau ama anakuchesa either way you are getting raped
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Umesahau those idiots who are always using their phones while driving

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They start drifting towards you till you hoot them to their senses. Ningekuwa na trailer ningedecorate side doors na both bumpers with beautiful streaks na kumng’olea side indicator light as a bonus.

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Shida ni matatu kusimama in undesignated areas! Na magari kubreak down ovyo ovyo on that lane!

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On rule #4 I guess I have learnt to read the mind of matatu,kenya mpya and Githurai bus drivers along Thika rd.They are so predictable

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Assumption for matatus is: if your lane moves faster, they change lanes on a whim. Those ones change lane first, then turn indicators on once halfway in.

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Kweli.
They are more willing to share the road with bikers.
Tumtu twa Sandaks wanasumbua sana.

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Pole ndugu.