A young single mom of 2, I know met a Luo man a year ago. She always came to me for counsel so she told me, I told her, it’s unlikely that this guy is single with no kids but in a hurry to marry a girl with 2 kids, so I told her to know where his shags is or even estates he has ever lived at then tufanye background check after all nowadays kuna group za wamama mob. Huwezi kosa background info of someone ukiwa na the basics.
So we agreed b4 jumping on that train since this is Nairobi not the village tucordinate a background check. That same week she came and told me they had moved in. I was like it’s too soon plus you have small kids who are gals sio poa kumove a man into your place before hujajua his background well. So you know how women are when they are in love. They do not want any negative info.She told me she was just happy any man would be interested in a single mom of two. My sixth sense told me this guy must be married but she was happy so nikanyamaza.And I wished her well.
As we speak now, the guy passed on from illness , less than a year into the cohabitation though they had signed an affidavit on their union. It turns out the guy was widowed from HIV. Which of course he concealed.
Am devastated by the turn of events much as I am very pessimistic and wary about men, never in a million years did I see this coming. This woman is just too young to be in such a predicament. Folks we live in a terrible terrible world. Much as we need love, we must not be blind to the harsh reality of how much danger is out there waiting to pounce at anyone who is thirsty Nobody has ever died of being single. NOBODY. But very very many for letting the wrong people into their lives. It’s time to accept that any relationship is not better than none especially single mums who will take an offer from any man.
Having a relationship is not like having a pet where unaweza fuga hata a Tirantula for sentimental reasons. It must make sense. It must add value. As I once said it is like a business. It must break even otherwise you need to close shop or turn it into a part time hobby. And you must do your due diligence bcz this is your one and only precious life, you can’t just piss it away, chasing a feeling or an illusion. It has to be a wise and sensible choice that has clear benefits. If there is nothing you are gaining besides claiming to have a man as a status symbol you are not being loving to yourself. You are not taking care of yourself. And it’s even worse when kids are involved and you make such poor choices on grave matters that could alter your life irreparably.
Being a single mum does not mean that you should have no standards for yourself and your kids. Anything in a trouser will do as long as it has XY chromosomes. You are not a Dustin for left over men with all kinds of mess to come to destroy your life.
This cases are too many but this has just broken my heart. The pressure to be in relationships is leading many to hell in a basket. But if you don’t allow external pressure to mount on you and direct your life, nobody else will have the power to coz pressure ni wewe mwenyewe unajipea
If you are OK with your life as is eventually others will have no choice but to accept that at the end of the day its your life and therefore your choice. Relationships are not the be all and end all of life. To my mind, being true to yourself, to your values and living honorably rank much higher. Being in a relationship for relationships sake when it’s not making you a better person and adding value to your life there is no point. It’s pointless. Completely, absolutely pointless.
Am terribly sad. I just pray for her strength. Though this is suffering that could have been avoided by being strong. Strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Strong in the face of loneliness to remember God’s promise. Be content with what you have including YOURSELF , FOR hasn’t the Lord promised, I will never leave you. I will never forsake you.