A Soft Rant.

Sometimes I really wish I had actually not quit my job and joined the Hustler’s republic. Business transactions can get a bit tricky for my species sometimes.

 Let's take for instance today, a Saturday. A day of rest and relaxation . I get a call at 10 a.m from Kemboi. Kemboi works in one branch of the government and a few months back he got a windfall and the idiot has no idea what he wants to do with the tidy sum.

"Mrembo! Kuja unipeleke kuona hile Mali. " He says ,his tribal accent pronounced, making me smile.

“Chamgee ,my fren! Uko sehemu gani?” I merrily reply.

    He gives me the coordinates, a pub located somewhere near Isinya. I check my wardrobe and chose a yellow sundress. The highland nilotes like brown so I unhook  my brown chaget and place it on the bed alongside the yellow dress. Meh! They actually match and if they don't well...ferk it!The client is king right? ( You should see what I wear when meeting Kambas.tihihihi)

Quick shower then I log on to the taxify app and order one,I am not burning fuel to show a prospective client property located deep in the heart of masai land.The driver’s ETA is 5 mins. Enough time for me to get ready …

Soon the taxi is here.I kiss my Rugrats and wish them a good day,Pat my dog and get to the cab. My driver keys in the coordinates and we are off.

520 kshs later I am at the pub and I see Kemboi’s double cab being washed at the pub’s carwash.
Idiot. I think to myself, we are going to a dusty place.
I get in the pub and locate Kemboi.He is in a group of other aged pot bellied men.The table is littered with bottles of Guiness and Konyagis…

oh boy, it’s going to be one of those meetings.

I walk up to the crowd and greet them humbly.
“Yamune” I humbly greet them with a curtsy. Kemboi gets up and gives me a possessive hug.
"Here is my Pseudo!" His loud inebriated voice booms. He calls the waitress and orders her to bring another chair and soon I am sitted next to him. The waitress asks me what’s my poison and I opt for my Heinekens.
“Hio haijafika bado.” She replies.
Makes sense , it’s 11a.m.
“Nipe white cap light baridi basi.”.Ten minutes later (in a basically empty pub) my two cold drinks arrive. I don’t mind. I am used to slow service.

Back to the table. I exchange pleasantries and soon the conversation goes to politics. Kemboi places a hand on the back on my chair and speaks authoritatively about Kalenjin politics. How I wish he could link me up with baba Abby, fuck corruption.

The men continue drinking their Konyagis and Guinness I am already sure we will not be sight seeing today.
Kemboi’s empties his drink and I refill it for him everytime.He grins, the men smile and ogle at my wolf pendant. Men…

I sip my beer and catch snippets of the conversation.Ofcourse they have been speaking in their mother tongue all along. I can only stare and smile and respond when one of them has the decency of addressing me in Swanglish. I don’t mind. I got to focus on the bigger picture.

I get lost in my thoughts momentarily. I can’t browse on my phone. I consider that to be rude behavior when sitting in a table of ‘respectable’ men but I really wish I can log into ktalk and see what’s going on and even more I wish I could check whether bae has sent me his goofy messages on WhatsApp …sigh.

Time lapses, the gent on my left who was mixing Konyagi and Guiness starts a side conversation with me.“You look familiar”.…He says. Alcohol is a bitch ,I think as I smile and look at him.
“Have we met in Moiben?” He asks…
I shake my head.
He insists and places his grubby hand on my thigh. I brush it off.
“Jinga”…he mumbles. Kemboi is lost in conversation and does not hear his friend grumbling.

I look at the idiot dead in the eye and asks him softly to repeat his statement.
"Mutyo" he apologizes.
A few minutes later the same incidence happens. I tell him I have no idea where Moiben is. A white lie. I Know Uasin Gishu county very well.
He calls me a fool again and apologizes.I smile and ask him to shove it. I guess he is not as drunk as I thought because he loudly shouts.
"Ukipendwa pendeka! Fuckin! Mapenzi ni suruari.
The conversation halts. Kemboi responds curtly. I down my remaining beer and announce my leave. They protest. I tell them I have a meeting at 4pm but I had fun and it was a pleasure meeting all if them. I get up and Kemboi walks me out and apologizes. He suggests we go later but I politely decline. We can do it another time when he is sober.

“Achamin” he mumbles as our handshake lingers.
I laugh lightly and tell him that’s alcospeak but I grimace inwards and remember how that simple word used to make me happy once upon a time when I loved one of his people.

He Pats his coat pocket and I know he wants to Uberize me. I decline and prod him to join his friends and he promises to make it up to me.

Damn right you will…

I walk away and take a tuktuk passing by and head home. Yep…hustling is a bitch for a pinkie sometimes.

wish the same would be reversed for me, meeting a group of horny business-minded women…hapo ndipo mwanaume husema mix biz with pleasure

:stuck_out_tongue:

Might work for men…For us is a bit tricky. We can’t panulia a dude and then biashara ikatae kuivana…eh , no way.

:D:D:D cheka tu. Soon I will be dragging you to these meets.

patiana kuma sio sabuni ati itaisha,na niko na 2 acres upper hill area for lease.tafuta mteja tukule na chopstick kama wachinku

Si wewe uiname upeane pia.
Lease ya miaka ngapi?

Pole kassin, though next time land in the american rangercopter and they will not mistake your intentions

You write very well.
As for your hustle going bust, you win some you lose some. It’s life.

:D:D:D I sold it Buana.

15,na hapo umenitusi lakini ni sawa.lakini mbona mashoga wamejazana hivi?

Anyway ish happens.

Reading what you write to me is like chewing the bottom part of a sugarcane!
Gogoyo!..
Sssssxssss… Cama!..

Hehehe.
Inbox the relevant details.

So you panua after biz imeisha and why does Kembois friend keep calling you mjinga

True dat.ces’t la vie.

You don’t wear a sun dress going to meet a group of fisis(age doesn’t matter) and expect them not to ogle and try to touch.
Men are wired to think only of sex the moment they set their eyes on a new female.

Why should I?
I send a bottle of whiskey after my account is smiling.That works just fine and I get repeat business.
As for the friend…who knows?
Maybe he has had a bad run with wimmens.

It was very long and conservative.Not my fault my titties are…yeah.