About 3 years ago, It was time to get a job so I started looking. I went online and found one that said “Chicken Catcher Needed”. Oyinbo people sha… Which one is chicken catcher again bayi o
I said to myself “this is new let me try it. It’s sha chicken. No p!” I called the number and sent my resume. They called me about 20 mins later for an interview. I went for the interview. I knocked and heard a voice that said “come in” I sat down and the elderly woman asked…
…the questions but somehow… she wasn’t convinced I could do the job… She then said “you are really skinny. You sure you got this?” Heeys madam! Why are you doing like agbaya laidis? I’m small body big engine please! Abi what are you saying? She said all I was going to do…
… was “catch chickens and put them in cages”. I just laughed and said “ordinary chickens?” She then said… “this job is for real men” I was like “Hellooooooo? Wahiz goinon? First of, they are chickens, not cows. Chickens we dey pursue for street… do I look like a joke to you?
Are you okay? I am a REAL MAN. I can catch the whole chicken in America! Madam, where are the chickens?! Where are the cages?! Don’t angry me PLS!” The woman said OK and asked if I was available ASAP. I said “yes” she said “go home, get some rest and be back here at 11pm”
I said OK. I was so excited fam. I did push ups, sit-ups, be flexing muscles upandan. I was like “Ha! This people don’t know who I be. Ordinary chicken “♂️ Fast forward to 11pm, I got there and 7 people were waiting for me in a bus. Everyone introduced themselves. They were all
Mexicans. The driver asked “you ready?” “Haq Haq Haq! Never been this ready” I got in the bus and we left. We drove for like 20 mins and I just saw guys bringing out Moster drinks… I’m not kidding, they drank like 3 cans of monster each, and other energizers . I’m like “eeeeer
Guys, is everything okay?” One answered “yes my friend” I said “okay, so why do we need all these strength? Abi we are going to war ni?” moments later, they took their masks and gloves out and wore them. I’m like “Heyss!! Mr Driver! What’s going on? Where are we going?”
He said “WORK, calm down my friend” Excuse me, You people drank energy drinks like water. So, why are you dressing like Ninja again. These people are sha testing me, it’s like they want me to jump out of this vehicle. We got there and I saw like 5 barns. Picture of a barn below
I’m like “okay! Nothing dey happen” they opened this barn… ♂️♂️ Fam!! I have never seen chickens that much in my life. I said “Haaa! Helloooo, how many are they?” He said “33,000” I’m like “haaa! 33,000 chickens?! What are we going to do with them bayii?” he said “we are here
to catch them and put them in cages” I was like “okay… how? Izit machine that will coman carry them? The weyrey walked away. The chickens were huge like turkeys! I was like “WTF?! I af die today! Ha! Wahala yaff come o! That woman is an alakoba o! Ha! Weyrey re o!” These guys
guys started catching chickens like it was nothing “fiam! Fiam!! LMAOO… I said ”Its not even hard! Nothing dey happen! Fam! The first one I tried to catch just flew at me! I was like “Heeys! Why are you doing laidis? Why are you flying? You want to disgrace me? Oya stand let
me catch you! After catching 50 (yes! I was counting), I couldn’t lift my arms anymore. I looked at the chickens. I asked the supervisor… “how many chickens left?” He asked how many I caught and asked the guys too. He said “hmmmm 30, 124” I yelled “ yeeeeeeee!” And started
crying “there is no way I’m leaving this place alive. If I die, you people should bury me in this place, tell my family I’m sorry, I love them. Just kill me” I was just yarning nonsense. Those guys thought I was running mad. When my wahala was too much, the supervisor told me to
take a 10 mins break. I just sat down. I started asking God “why was I born? God, show me a sign if I am coming to heaven?” I was just yarning rubbish fam! The supervisor came and said “my friend… work time” I said “but you said 10 mins” he said “15mins gone my friend”
I checked the time . “haaaaaa! God!!! Open the gates of heaven!! visitor is cominnnng!” Fam! I caught 300 chickens and could barely stand. These guys were done in 5 hours. E just be like film. After work, we got in the car and ate. So I asked “we are done right?
what are we waiting for, when are we leaving?”The supervisor said “this is break!”. I asked “err what break? What do you mean?” He said “we have another barn” I just laughed. It’s like these people want me to run naked. These people want to see the real definition of madness.
Aò ní sorí burúkú o. They all got up and I followed. They opened another barn. Fam! Another 33,000 chickens. I was silent for about 5 seconds… it was like someone sent out my brain as sms… Suddenly! I just yelled!! “Haaaaaaah!! I’m gonna dieeeee! I can’t walk. Ohh!
Call my family on phone. Tell them I am going to miss them. I don’t like brown, get a black casket. Fam! There was nothing I didn’t say. It was that day I knew I didn’t have sense. I told the man “I’m done! I’m going home! I don’t need this job! I was looking for job… not
something that will kill me. I tried to walk back home, but we drove like 30 mins down here. I’m not waking through the forest. I don’t want horror to kill me Biko. Aye oni muwa o. I caught like 50 chickens the second round. I couldn’t breathe… the supervisor yelled “keep
trying my friend” I yelled “do you want me to die? I’m not your friend! Somebody saaave meee” finally, I laid on the floor. I’m not doing again. I told the supervisor “I quit, I resign and I fire myself. Weyrey ni gbogbo yin” I started faking hamstring injury. After they
got done, they had to help me get into the vehicle. The supervisor told me not to quit and dropped few inspirational quotes. I said to myself “Mr Influencer. Pamilerin with plenty bear bear. If you don’t gedifok! If you see me here again. Make I die!” His voice be sounding like
he was on speakerphone. Fam! The werey said he was going to drop me off at home. I thought to myself “haaa! This weyrey want to know my house LMAO” I had him drop me off 2 blocks away from home and he asked… is this your house? I said “Yes” thank God they have dog.
Find me come and let dog pursue you. sho’lo stupid ni. He dropped me off and stared at me “hellooo, what is it o. What are you waiting for sir?” He said “I want to see you get into the house to make sure you are okay” First of all, what is your business? Why is my safety
important to you. Let something happen to me please. I said “It’s okay, I’m home. You can leave” At 10pm my phone started ringing. I couldn’t even reach my phone because hand was sore! They dropped voice messages and asked if I was coming to coman catch chickens. Awon weyrey!
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