Age difference in a relationship; Hapa ndio shida zinaanzia!

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Ka-Buda

Village Elder
#1
Did you know that it is statistically proven that the "perfect" and most successful relationships are between a woman who was a first child and a man who was the first born male in his family?
(i carried out the research myself so don`t bother googling it)
It is also fact that women mature faster than men both mentally and physically.
Armed with these Facts and new realizations i can see why my marriage didn`t stand a chance!
I mean, my only true love and now ex-wife was two years older than me.She is the first born child in her family while i am a last born in a family of 6. When you are a last born,you feel forgotten and the only attention you will get has to be earned by either being good But mostly for getting in trouble.
I remember being a troubled teenager especially in boarding school for my High School education i got suspended at least once every term in my first two years. Once i even went home all excited for my half-term break and as soon as i got through the front door my dad took a long look at me over his newspaper and called out; "Riu ningi nikii weka?" - "What did you do this time?". My mom had forgotten to tell him that i was coming home for halfterm.
Women who are first-borns are very mature,focused ,ambitious and very responsible with the burden of setting a good example always hanging over them.My wife is a perfect example of this while i was the total opposite.
At first when you get together in a relationship its all fun and games and while you realise the differences in what your priorities and values are based on the above mentioned Facts,you tend to brush them off in a jovial and "love conquers all" attitude.
But then comes the true underlying Facts of Nature and Responsibilities that your different circumstances hold and which you cannot escape from just because you are now married.
A first born child`s responsibilities dont end when she/he gets married. They are still looked upon by not just their siblings but by their parents to look after everyone mostly materially but also emotionally etc.
If you are not married or in a serious relationship yet and you still believe in Love,Marriage and Family,Factor All these things in before you make the big leap of Committing yourself to Someone else.
(Free Advice from @Ka-Buda)
 

Ka-Buda

Village Elder
#3
Have u jst realized or u knew all this before ??
I have just realised this.
When you break up with someone you have alot of time to think,disect and look at things in all different perspectives and i am on that journey right now. Miaka kumi is a long time you just don`t forget about it like it never happened.
 
F

Female Perspective

Guest
#4
".... years older?" For a man that's where you draw the line... Same age it's acceptable but never older! Lesson learnt huh?
 

Fala 12

Kijana Fupi Nono Round
#6
Here's a little advice to all who want long, happy
marriages.
Create a working formula on decision making and
because you are the man and the head of the
house, take decisions on bigger issues whereas your
wife decides on smaller issues.
Do not interfere in each other's decisions.
Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the
neighborhood to live in, which car you should buy,
how much money to save, who, when and where to
visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator to buy,
monthly expenses, whether to keep a mboch or not,
where to go for holidays, whose mum you should
visit etc, etc, should be decided by your WIFE. Just
agree to it.
Your decisions are only for very big issues like
whether Kenya should attack Somalia, whether
Britain should lift sanctions against Zimbabwe,
whether West should lift travel advisories against
Kenya, whether KDF should leave Somalia, whether
Man U needs to buy new players or change their
coach, etc, etc.
Your wife will never object to any of these
decisions and you will live happily!
 

Ka-Buda

Village Elder
#8
Here's a little advice to all who want long, happy
marriages.
Create a working formula on decision making and
because you are the man and the head of the
house, take decisions on bigger issues whereas your
wife decides on smaller issues.
Do not interfere in each other's decisions.
Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the
neighborhood to live in, which car you should buy,
how much money to save, who, when and where to
visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator to buy,
monthly expenses, whether to keep a mboch or not,
where to go for holidays, whose mum you should
visit etc, etc, should be decided by your WIFE. Just
agree to it.
Your decisions are only for very big issues like
whether Kenya should attack Somalia, whether
Britain should lift sanctions against Zimbabwe,
whether West should lift travel advisories against
Kenya, whether KDF should leave Somalia, whether
Man U needs to buy new players or change their
coach, etc, etc.
Your wife will never object to any of these
decisions and you will live happily!
Good attempt at trying to "own" this but its not original.
Anyway there is a point hapo; the key is to make her feel like she is charge but you are the one running the show. Easier said than done!
 

Fala 12

Kijana Fupi Nono Round
#11
Good attempt at trying to "own" this but its not original.
Anyway there is a point hapo; the key is to make her feel like she is charge but you are the one running the show. Easier said than done!
sorry i had forgotten something
***copy pasted***
 
L

Luther12

Guest
#12
Here's a little advice to all who want long, happy
marriages.
Create a working formula on decision making and
because you are the man and the head of the
house, take decisions on bigger issues whereas your
wife decides on smaller issues.
Do not interfere in each other's decisions.
Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the
neighborhood to live in, which car you should buy,
how much money to save, who, when and where to
visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator to buy,
monthly expenses, whether to keep a mboch or not,
where to go for holidays, whose mum you should
visit etc, etc, should be decided by your WIFE. Just
agree to it.
Your decisions are only for very big issues like
whether Kenya should attack Somalia, whether
Britain should lift sanctions against Zimbabwe,
whether West should lift travel advisories against
Kenya, whether KDF should leave Somalia, whether
Man U needs to buy new players or change their
coach, etc, etc.
Your wife will never object to any of these
decisions and you will live happily!

:D :D :D :D :D
 
L

Luther12

Guest
#13
Did you know that it is statistically proven that the "perfect" and most successful relationships are between a woman who was a first child and a man who was the first born male in his family?
(i carried out the research myself so don`t bother googling it)
It is also fact that women mature faster than men both mentally and physically.
Armed with these Facts and new realizations i can see why my marriage didn`t stand a chance!
I mean, my only true love and now ex-wife was two years older than me.She is the first born child in her family while i am a last born in a family of 6. When you are a last born,you feel forgotten and the only attention you will get has to be earned by either being good But mostly for getting in trouble.
I remember being a troubled teenager especially in boarding school for my High School education i got suspended at least once every term in my first two years. Once i even went home all excited for my half-term break and as soon as i got through the front door my dad took a long look at me over his newspaper and called out; "Riu ningi nikii weka?" - "What did you do this time?". My mom had forgotten to tell him that i was coming home for halfterm.
Women who are first-borns are very mature,focused ,ambitious and very responsible with the burden of setting a good example always hanging over them.My wife is a perfect example of this while i was the total opposite.
At first when you get together in a relationship its all fun and games and while you realise the differences in what your priorities and values are based on the above mentioned Facts,you tend to brush them off in a jovial and "love conquers all" attitude.
But then comes the true underlying Facts of Nature and Responsibilities that your different circumstances hold and which you cannot escape from just because you are now married.
A first born child`s responsibilities dont end when she/he gets married. They are still looked upon by not just their siblings but by their parents to look after everyone mostly materially but also emotionally etc.
If you are not married or in a serious relationship yet and you still believe in Love,Marriage and Family,Factor All these things in before you make the big leap of Committing yourself to Someone else.
(Free Advice from @Ka-Buda)
Interesting points you bring out. I've always thought a relationship between two first-borns wouldn't work, ni kugongana vichwa tu bure. I usually consider an ideal age gap o be around +2/-9. More than 2 and she'll be 'mothering you', more than 9 becomes a generational gap, at least in my books.
 

Saka

Village Elder
#16
Those are excuses to justify your failings.
Relationship works it depends on the commitment of the two individuals.
The age gap works well when the man has more than 5years older than the lady that does not mean if it were the way round it won't work
Your first born theory does not apply.
 

Hunter Xp

Village Elder
#18
Those are excuses to justify your failings.
Relationship works it depends on the commitment of the two individuals.
The age gap works well when the man has more than 5years older than the lady that does not mean if it were the way round it won't work
Your first born theory does not apply.
you dont refute without a sufficient premise
 

evroza

Village Elder
#20
Did you know that it is statistically proven that the "perfect" and most successful relationships are between a woman who was a first child and a man who was the first born male in his family?
(i carried out the research myself so don`t bother googling it)
It is also fact that women mature faster than men both mentally and physically.
Armed with these Facts and new realizations i can see why my marriage didn`t stand a chance!
I mean, my only true love and now ex-wife was two years older than me.She is the first born child in her family while i am a last born in a family of 6. When you are a last born,you feel forgotten and the only attention you will get has to be earned by either being good But mostly for getting in trouble.
I remember being a troubled teenager especially in boarding school for my High School education i got suspended at least once every term in my first two years. Once i even went home all excited for my half-term break and as soon as i got through the front door my dad took a long look at me over his newspaper and called out; "Riu ningi nikii weka?" - "What did you do this time?". My mom had forgotten to tell him that i was coming home for halfterm.
Women who are first-borns are very mature,focused ,ambitious and very responsible with the burden of setting a good example always hanging over them.My wife is a perfect example of this while i was the total opposite.
At first when you get together in a relationship its all fun and games and while you realise the differences in what your priorities and values are based on the above mentioned Facts,you tend to brush them off in a jovial and "love conquers all" attitude.
But then comes the true underlying Facts of Nature and Responsibilities that your different circumstances hold and which you cannot escape from just because you are now married.
A first born child`s responsibilities dont end when she/he gets married. They are still looked upon by not just their siblings but by their parents to look after everyone mostly materially but also emotionally etc.
If you are not married or in a serious relationship yet and you still believe in Love,Marriage and Family,Factor All these things in before you make the big leap of Committing yourself to Someone else.
(Free Advice from @Ka-Buda)
You just described 'our' situation - except for the 6th kid part. I am not going to be the next Kabuda...no. Someone hand me some cyanide
 
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