Bro , the fact that you alive and healthy is reason enough to celebrate it could be worse. A good friend just lost his only sister and it has hit him so hard i have to constantly check on him. Godspeed.
You mention, you are now on your own. What happened did you lose someone or separated with a partner etc kindly provide more info on this. Get out of your head for now, the brain is very useful and its also very destructive. The anonymity this forum presents should enable you to freely express your thoughts, Do Share!
It depends with a person’s personality, just know the root of the problem, is it something reversible/something temporary /permanent?.. Depends with you, cry loudly like a child in the shower (i know it’s a girly thing, but please do it) talk to random strangers, online or in person they won’t judge you. Take long walks /hiking, i used /usually go to karura forest alone. Connect with nature. Listen to people problems, visit children cancer wards, you’ll know the value of good health. Set a date to commit suicide, a month prior to, write a list of all the things you wished to have ever done… I can continue till tomorrow, the list is endless