I went for my attachment at this government institute and boy was it boring. There’s is nothing as boring as being on attachment in a government institution. For starters,that place had no WiFi!. Can you believe that? WiFi,a basic need in offices was missing!. It’s a big organization raking in millions yearly yet they couldn’t afford to put up WiFi? I mean what happened to motivating employees? Okay yeah I was not their employee then but am speaking on behalf of their employees. Spare me that crap ati such things promote inefficiency. When? How? Why? Who? There are big multinational companies out there providing such luxuries to their employees and are performing light years better than that organization I was in. The managements argument was that most employees especially we the ‘millenias’ would waste 90% of the precious time between 8-5 WhatsApping and Facebooking! Really is that even possible? If it is then fire that person ASAP. Let them know they went there to work not to blog cause honestly you can’t use whatsapp or facebook for that long. That’s what twelve hours? Kwani you want to be their ambassador or something? Alafu that place was so interior mpaka there were network hitches. You couldn’t get one bar! Pun intended. It was worse for those of us who use the ‘other line’. The red line sim which provides some good data bundle deals. So you can imagine how boring it got. No WiFi,no network! Pure stone age life. You just spent the whole day reading everything in the newspapers mpaka orbituaries cause you would be bored to death!
The organization’s top management was composed mostly of those old folks. Those who should be long retired practicing duck rearing somewhere in Gacarage but are still clinging on. Honestly it looked like some home for the aged. And you know how old school those old folks can get. So this one day am just minding my own business,bored beyond words. There was nothing important I was doing. Attachees have nothing important to do. You just sit there and wait to be shown something which you will write in your reports. So am just there,head on the desk. Not sleeping,just bored. Yaani bored mpaka unakosa usingizi. Then this old guy walked in. Mid sixties heading seventy. I had never seen him before. He walked straight to my desk,didn’t even ask what I was doing. Just shouted, ‘Kijana switch off that kompyuta.’ I was not even using the damn thing. It was actually off,monitor was black but the old man swore I was using that ‘kompyuuta’. They had even denied us (attachees) passwords,so how was going to log in? Hack? I tried telling him I wasn’t using the damn desktop but he heard none of it. He actually threw me out of the room. Apparently he was the senior accountant in that organization. ‘Kazi ni kutumia tu stima hapa!.’ I was too shocked to even respond. Kwani tulikuwa tutumie viberiti kuwasha hizo kompyuta?
I don’t hate or disrespect old people. As a matter of fact I love them. I pray for them. I even dream of them. Come on I had grandparents. All am saying is some old people can make your work unbearable and unattractive. Some not all,don’t quote me wrong here. Especially those who have no clue about the internet. OMG are they not a pain in the a**. They have certain rules that you have to strictly follow. You have to do whatever they want or say. You have to follow their orders without questioning. They see themselves as some demigods. You know that ‘I have lived longer’ tag?. They will always use that to their advantage. You cannot tell them anything or correct them even if they are openly wrong. Doomsday will befall you if you ever try arguing with them. They will label you as this undisciplined,bad mannered,incompetent,unqualified spoiled nicompoop. ‘Wewe kijana hauna adabu. Where are your manners? Who are you parents?’ Like excuse me Sir I left my manners at the gate. I didn’t need them here so I left them there. With the gateman. He probably needs them more. Those guys act like they own the damn organization na ni mali ya serikali. The Manager once told me to remove cobwebs from the corridors cause some visitors were coming. I didn’t do it. I hid the whole day then didn’t report for two days! If my school wanted me to do some cleaning it would have sent me to City Hall or the Ministry of Education. God knows those places need some thorough cleaning.
The offices are located some many kilometres away from where I stayed. If you ever decided to walk you would never reach. So every morning I had to be by the roadside to be picked up by a bus. This bus went around picking staff. It had seen some good and bad days that bus. KAQ! It left behind a huge cloud of soot I bet it choked the drivers of vehicles behind it. That’s probably why there were never vehicles behind it. It once stopped in the middle of the road we had to alight and push it. Sorry unto you if you missed it. You would have to part away with some two hundred Kenyan shillings to take yourself to the offices. Me cause they didn’t pay me I never used my money to take myself. So whenever I missed the bus I just went back to my crib and slept. No wahala! But the next day I knew I would have to answer some really unanswerable questions. ‘Bona urirara sana? Na si basi irisherewa?’ Luckily I was always equipped with the right answers. And when in the bus,there was no talking. Silence had to be maintained. No radio sijui ati Maina Kageni sijui Shaffi Weru. Hiyo ungesikilizia kwako!. No telling one another how the weekend went. How you got so drunk you forgot your house and went opening other people’s houses. And kept wondering what had happened to your lock. How Man.U made that superb come back. No! You just looked at each other and your phones. And smiled. What baffled me most was why on earth were those old guys boarding the bus. Si they should be owning limousines with chauffeurs dropping them to and from work? They should not be fighting for space with other workers in that old scrap metal. At times the bus got full some people had to stand. Like what did they do with all their salaries? Some had worked in that place for over 90 years! No seriously. Kwani how do you get the ‘20 years experience’?. The Manager was always at the door,supervising. From dress code to the type of phone you used. There was a time he chased away this lady who had worn some rugged jeans. Those jeans torn at the knee with lipstick on them. He literally chased her and told her to pereka iyo guo kwa fudi! You should have seen the poor lady na venye she had killed that look! There was a prayer whenever we arrived. Of course we should thank God for journey masses. Am a Christian so I hold prayers in high esteem. But man those prayers took a whole generation. Then they were said in mother tongue. You wouldn’t even know when to say amen. They would pray mpaka for Kanye West. And his psychiatrist. One day I fell asleep,woke up and slept again before the prayers were finished.
Then there were the weekly staff meetings. Like those high school parades. We stood infront of the entrance to the offices and were addressed by the bosses. I occasionally skipped them to finish my sleep. The first week I was there I didn’t know Fridays were meeting days. So me after I got there after contemplating not to go cause it was a Friday,I went straight to my desk. Later I was summoned to the Manager’s office. How he knew I had not attended still baffles me. I went there thinking maybe the Manager had woken up on his right side and decided he would be paying these young souls something small. Huh to my shock nothing monetary was talked about. Not even how high the cost of living was. It was all about how I should fear God if I wanted to succeed. How I should not repeat it. I was like I didn’t even know there was a meeting but the old man would have none of it. And honestly I had no idea there was a meeting. No one had told me that during my orientation. Had it been back in high school that old man would have punished me severely. Told me to wash the roof or clean the doors of the dining hall. Me I fear God,He even knows that Himself. I fear Him and I always pray to Him. Am very religious. So I apologised. I almost asked him if he had woken on his right side. Heheh.
It’s just that the attachment was an examinable exercise. Otherwise I would have left on the first day never to return. I never looked forward to going there. No WiFi,no slay queens,no motivation. Nothing. Maybe tea. Tea was served during mid morning. That tea was measured. It was counted you just couldn’t go pouring yourself some. You had to wait till all staff in that department had had theirs and pray they left some. Some day man was so broke he couldn’t even afford breakfast. Went to work on an empty stomach. So I was looking forward to that mid morning tea. I didn’t even leave office that morning. To my surprise no tea remained. I almost cried. I felt so heartbroken I almost wrote the Manager my resignation letter. That was the worst kind of betrayal taking into account I have some Luhya genes from my mums side. There was no lunch. Lunch you sorted yourslef. My stomach really complained that day. Seemed like I had swallowed a motorbike. A whole nduthi. I had to kopa something from a friend who was also on attacho. That guy saved me bwana.
Assessment time came. I tell you my name was tarnished. Smeared into rotten eggs then poured into Nairobi sewers then left to dry at Dandora dumpsite. You would think I was vying for some political seat and the supervisor was my only opponent. Eish the supervisor had nothing positive to say about me to my assessor. He spilled it all out. Like he had just kept everything and was waiting for the perfect time to unleash it all. Na venye he had been acting all cool and friendly. Even two weeks prior to my assessment,I had volunteered to be cleaning his office. I wish I had not stooped that low. That man didn’t spare me. Luckily my assessor was a reasonable fellow. He didn’t take in everything he was told. God bless that man’s soul. Bless his family,bless his farm,bless his businesses heck bless even his side chic. And dear God also remember that supervisor. You know I had nothing against him. So as you bless the assessor do so by reducing the supervisors blessings. You know what I mean? Of course you do,you are God.
I know there are some institutions that students would kill to be attached to. They have WiFi,breakfast,lunch,dinner,supper,there are even elevators,hot showers incase you get some cold treatment from the boss or some customer and need to wash it away. Heck they even pay you,accommodate you and even ask you if you would wish to work for them once you graduate. Yes such companies exist. Not in Kenya though. Whatever place you get attached,be contented. Do your best and acquire all the knowledge you can from them. Learn all the skills to help you once you graduate. Make some connections while at it. Get into close friendships with those managers. It might not help immediately but trust me it will. You know what? There are no marks allocated for the places you go to for your attachment. So relax yourself,drink their tea if they offer some and educate yourself. The place you go to doesn’t matter,what matters is what you will gain.