Back in high school, we used to have different kinds of teachers. You know wale wapole, wakali, those whose dressing was wanting etc. For example in my high school tulikuwa na mmoja who never wore a belt. Siku moja when he was assigned to be our class teacher tukaagreee during a class meeting kumchangia. Well, we bought the belt for him but that was the last time we saw it….he never wore it. Lakini hii hekaya si ya Mr. Matikho (his name). This one will revolve around two notorious teachers. Our deputy and boarding master. Let me introduce them.
Our deputy went by the name Avudiku but we called him Ngiri. On the outside he was very polite and young……average body but his actions were different. Ikifika kwa punishment uyo msee hakuwa na huruma. One time he gave one of the students a punishment to remember….alimwambia achimbe choo ama aende suspension. The students’ parents were no joke so he took the latter. He was given tools na akapewa measurements….girth ya hiyo choo itoshane na tire ya bike na urefu itoshane na yeye mwenyewe. The guy was the tallest in our school so you can imagine. Jamaa alikuwa anaamkia job 4 tukienda preps, bell ya uji ikigongwa anatujoin then goes back to the job, lunch time ivoivo till 10 usiku tukienda kudoze ndo pia yy anafunga kazi. The deputy once gave me the punishment juu ya kurarua a certain notorious prefect bare. Mine was a bit easier…so I thought. He told me to kneel on the parade ground till he released me. It was 8 in the morning so I could use the vitamin D. The problem was the ground ni ile ya kokoto. Jua ikaanza kukasirika…nikaanza kusweat……i was wearing 3 sweaters…which was illegal in the first place. I was released at 12;40 time ya lunch nikifeel kama ile log imechomeka nusu.
Then there was the boarding master, his name was Mr. Simiyu but we used to call him Jayo. The guy was huge. His Kitambi was indescribable na alikuwa na tabia ya kuharass wanafunzi bila makosa. His wrist ni kama karai ya kupikia mchele kwa matanga. He once found my friend loitering around in school na he pressed him against the wall using his kitambi. Jayo was a typical Luhya as it was evident in his accent. He also used to speak words that didn’t make any sense as you will come to realize later on. Kuna time alinipata washrooms nikioga time ya evening preps. Wrong move. Nlikuwa uchi and we used to shower from the sinks na si ati bafu hazikuwa. The guy approached me, “Kichana madaktari na lawyer wanasoma na makanga wanaoka”. “Inama flat!!!”. I didn’t understand what he meant by kuinama flat. As I was contemplating on how to do it jamaa akaniekelea kofi kwa mgongo. Apo katikati penye mkono huwa haifiki ukijikuna. Iyo kofi ilifanya nikaskia ni kama nimekanyagwa na tire ya tractor…ile tire ya nyuma. Nikaweweseka hadi kwa grao. He continued hitting me mercilessly na nikaona bila ujanja nitakufa. I stopped moving nikafunga macho. Jamaa kuona hivo akaanza kutense akatoka nje kupiga simu. Nikaskia “Hello nurse, kucha hapa kwa washroom side ya dinning hall kuna kichana amefaint.” He probably came with the nurse but never found me. Still that’s not the theme of this hekaya. The theme comes in na their different styles of waking us up at 4.
Mr Ngiri’s style was a silent one. Ile anaingia then the person sleeping at the door is used as the testing specimen. Sisi wa huko mwisho tukiskia mlio wa kiboko PLUS MTU KUPIGA NDURU then tunaamka. By kuamka I mean ni kusambaratika kwa dorm …those who sleep near the windows use them as their exits. The strategists like myself used to have our own special exit routes at such like times. Ile space hukua katikati ya roof na ukuta. Ngiri would come to the last cube of the dorm and find it empty, then he would wonder whether we were there in the first place.
Jayo on the other hand had two methods. Method A: He was a fan of reggae music and it happened that Metro fm used to play them all the time. He would come with a sony ya makaa tatu, volume at its peak, tuned to Metro fm. Those were the moment tunaamka tukitingisa vichwa tukishout “hapo jayo hapo hapo”…get near him but not too close, then make a few moves infront of him. He would smile then anatushtua na tunakimbia daro. Here we would all use the main exit. This was when he was in the moods. Method B was a morning nightmare, the guy would come with a bamboo stick kicking anything and anyone in his vicinity. He would also speak nonsense things like “Kichana why are you sleeping with your legs up-side-down? Na wewe kashienzi unalala kama nyoka ya placka perry.” He meant blackberry-or black mamba. As usual the guys sleeping near the door were the litmus papers.
So this morning, Jayo wakes us up using his option B. We assumed bibi yake was responsible for his foul moods. Maybe hakupewa akatosheka. In class I had a chopi kind of deskmate. Yule jamaa never read. In fact class yeye alikuwa anafanya tu 3 things,; admiring himself in a broken mirror, drawing (he was talented in this sector too) ama kulala. We used to hire him to write addresses for us kwa bahasha tukituma barua. This day he decided to opt to sleep. Ile kudoze ya kueka gumbo kwa desk then arm inasupport kichwa. Mimi na uchikiness yangu ningetoa mkono forehead ya huyo jamaa ikutane head-on collision na desk. Hii siku uyo msee alinitusi yake yote. Venye yy ni chopi hata nikisoma na yeye alale bado exam atanishinda…….akanikumbusha venye last exam ya Mao nlipata 10 na yy akaogelea kwa 70. Enyewe ukweli huuma and so I let the sleeping dog lie. Sasa ikahappen this guy after kunitusi aliamua alale livelive cz ile style ya kushikilia kichwa alikuwa anahesabu shamba sana.
Punde si punde depa akaingia. Na kiboko. By kiboko I mean ile maganda ya mti (mkuyu) imekauka na iko flat kama mbao. Depa alikuja akasimama nyuma ya hii kumbaff , nayo imelalia side moja ya kichwa sa imeanika ile shavu ingine juu. Jamaa alijipanga mosmos na kuachilia huyo desky kofi ya ganda la mkuyu. That’s when I realized kumbe raia zingine pia zilikuwa zimelala cz vile mlio ya kofi ilitoka wakaamka wakilamba midomo. Desky kuamka akaniuliza “nani amechapwa?” nlishindwa nicheke but Ngiri was behind us, nimjibu but still it wasn’t a good option. The best one was just burying my head in my book as I pretended to understand what I was reading. Jamaa kuona simjibu akarudi tena kulala. Depa alitoka tu nje akaenda zake. Same morning after parade desky akijiangalia kwa kioo akaona shavu imefura. He told me ati breaktime ataenda kwa school nurse ampee dawa ya mumps. Oliver kama uko hii Ktalk manze this hekaya is a special dedication to you.
we used to have a mr. situma…nicknamed Ngurumo at mang’u…thats the most inhuman person i know…kufunza alikuwa down, maringo alikuwa 100%…bure kabisa…ufala alikuwa na most!!!wherever he is, hope alichange
Safi