Being a slay queen is the perfect career move

Okwonkwo

Village Chief
#1
- The spirits weren’t fools to give you all those ‘assets’ and expect you to flatten your derriere out on a hard school desk.
- If only they knew that the inches your coochie took to enable you to buy that 60-inch TV.
- You are great citizen, helping doctors get rich from flushing out all those ‘accidental’ pregnancies.


Dear slay queen,

Forget about school and studies, I mean who wants that? Why bother with an education, lessons on etiquette and manners, when you have a nice butt that stiffens even the nerdiest of professors?

I know, right? Clearly, the sky spirits weren’t fools to give you all those ‘assets’ and expect you to flatten your derriere out on a hard school desk. You deserve the best; to lie on foam mattresses, while the ocean waves crash somewhere on a creek close to your window.

At 21 years old, you must feel really accomplished. While the rest of your peers languish in a bedbug-infested hostel in the university, you live in a little cute apartment in Kilimani that has seen more nude sweaty men than a brothel in the Game of Thrones series.

You have it all figured out, don’t you? The holidays in Mombasa, the expensive clothes and nice perfumes... Don’t people know how hard it is to sustain that Instagram lifestyle?

If only they knew that the inches your coochie took to enable you to buy that 60-inch TV could line up from here to Timbuktu, they wouldn’t be so judgemental.

For people to expect that you will stay up all night studying for exams is such a great injustice. Can’t they see our overly-smooth skin will be destroyed by stubborn mosquito bites?

Shame on your friends for working so hard, shame on them for digging deep into their books to get those law degrees, after all, you get your whiff of law when that overage lawyer turns you into an amicus sexae in the shield of darkness coz he is too embarrassed to be publicly seen with you, a cute face covering an empty skull!

While people slave in chemistry labs working hard to get recognition and Nobel prizes, fret not. You clearly shouldn’t hide that cute figure in an oversized lab coat.

How unflattering! To hell with Nobel prizes, to hell with receiving medals! They should know you receive your own kind of medals and prizes when you go to treat that recurrent syphilis for the umpteenth time till the doctor knows your patient number by head.

Isn’t that some special kind of recognition for a job well done? You are great citizen, helping doctors get rich from flushing out all those ‘accidental’ pregnancies.

No one of your calibre should live from hand to mouth. Who needs to earn horrible titles like ‘doctor’ or ‘professor’ when you can have the ultimate title of ‘slay queen?’ You were born lucky, ey? money comes to you easy.

All you need to do is open your mouth and take in a 60-year-old floppy stick and voila! Your wallet is full.

As you sit at the international departure lounge, you should smile alone in triumph and sense of accomplishment.

Yes, maybe you cannot strike a sensible conversation with anyone since you keep on mispronouncing words and your brain lacks the ability to digest complex sentences, but it doesn’t matter. You are living the life.

attribution: The Nairobian.
https://www.sde.co.ke/amp/thenairob...being-a-slay-queen-is-the-perfect-career-move
 

Top