Bingwa's sister and other short stories

kah tony

Village Elder
#1
Yesterday I was meeting a certain nywele soft for some work related stuff. She's a professional, good job, eloquent so of course being a Sunday the atmosphere was a bit easy going. Took about 2 hours and was leaving around 630. We walked together to the parking lot and she was lagging behind kidogo about three-four steps. As we approached a patch of lawn, nikasikia, "sniffle, snuffle, sniffle, snuffle" I looked back and it was a sight to behold. Dame alishoot kikamasi kikubwa kutoka mapua like 4 feet away. Kajipapasa mapua na mkono na maisha ikaendelea.

I didn't know how to react, nilijipatia shughuli and waved from far nikielekea zangu.

In my head nikasema huyu manzi hata kama ni heshima, sigwe na sigwes. Nikakumbuka you can remove the scrotum from the bingwa but not the bingwa from the scrotum.
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Hii Nairobi kuwa single male, kuna vitu mimi huona bana nashangaa...

Manzi mwingine used to come to my house a lot, na for goodwill hand in hand she use to come with food. Food ilikuwa top notch, mapilau, makuku marinated, anadai yeye ndio amepika. Funny thing it used to be in a box, so nashangaa kunguru si you use hot box. Lakini nikienda kwake, her fridge was usually empty hata maji she would never offer. Then someone happened to mention may be kunguru buys ready made food and brings it to my place to impress. Of course, nilijua sijui.

On saturday I get a call, Kunguru-cuzo ya mine on the other end is laughing. Namuuliza, uko sawa? Anasema hana wasiwasi. Akasema amesota na ni aibu anacheka nimtumie 1K hata hana ya kununua food. Huyu manzi amenikula I think over 20K from kulipa deni to kumwokolea kutoka mashidashida, mimi huyo nikamtumia 1K nikijua hiyo sitaona tena.

Last month niko bash ya arif wa mine. Nice hous, food na vinyuo kwa wingi. Sijui nini ilikuwa kwa hiyo pombe juu kuna manzi alitaka kwenda #2 kwa bedroom floor yake. Zililipuka zikamshow bedroom ni choo. In her defence alisema nyumba ni kubwa hakupata choo. Of course pia wengine walitapika ovyo ovyo kila mahali. Nilikuwa hata nadhani ule alitupwa roysa alikuwa mmoja wao.

Two months ago, nilipigiwa na bibi-harusi-to-be fulani akiniambia story vile amenitaja kwa hekaya na nikipigiwa lazima nidai hiyo hekaya ama mambo inaisha. Mjamaa anaoa simjui vizuri lakini manzi ndio tunajuana vizuri. Dame alikuwa amepatwa right after Ugongi, the visiting-kigongi was leaving and the main-kigongi was arriving so wakapitana huko nje. Nothing ensued but on being questioned the lady mentioned my name. The hekaya was too elaborate not to be true but she was lying.

Single mothers hawawezi kosa kwa line up. Boyz ameambia mwingine waoane. Dame ameitikia jamaa akijua amepata kitu smarta. Kumbe kunguru ana mjunior gicagi na wazazi na hajashow mthii all this time. Jamaa anakuwanga zombie siku hizi.
 
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