Wadau,
It’s yet another hekaya time. Na leo, there’s no ati sijui part 2, 3…Hii ya leo inaisha hapa hapa. Kwa hivyo watu wa Aramis kuweni tayari.
This time we are taking it #TBT. The year is 2005 and had just cleared campo. Those were the days of NARC government and the Baks had just come to power like two years earlier. Things were looking up for Kenya and to be fair the Baks brought about many reforms which enabled the economy to pick up. However, the effects of the disaster that was KANU’s 24 years were slow to shake off.
Anyhoo, for me things were kidogo thick. A nigga didn’t have any chums. Maisha was one big struggle. Now, don’t get me wrong. I was still staying at home hapo Dagoretti, so I had a roof over my head and food on the table. Lakini boss, a fully grown man’s pride takes a hit when you have to ask your old lady for chums even to buy cigarettes (I still used to gaff those days) I applied for jobbos,scholarships lakini wapi! Nothing doing.
Nikaona hapana. Mwanaume ni effort baana. So I started ma side hustles hapa na pale…Nothing illegal, you see…just burning movies, music, sales jobbos on commission, nininini I did it all…Bottomline is atleast at the end of the month I had some kidogo chums in my pocket and I even helped around home with bills, etc. I could now even afford to peleka Naomi my ka girlfriend of those days (I called her “Naomi Campbell”) to classy joints…Buffet Park, Choices pale Baricho Road, Tropez kule tao…dinners pale Junction…My clad game was on point…wacha tuu. Simple pleasures for a simple man.
Now, kitu April like this, my big break came about. My maternal Aunt used to work in Coasto for some international NGO dealing with issues of maternal health. She called my mum and told her about an opening for a research assistant on contract basis, and was I interested? The salo was based on the number of field trips undertaken plus a monthly stipend. Because my Aunt was in charge of the whole Coasto region, there would be plenty of travelling and I was looking at kitu 80K per month, plus I would be staying at their digs. Are you f*cking kidding me? I jumped at the offer. This was like 4 times the chums I was getting from my side hustles. Yaani, if I landed this gig, I was escaping poverty kapsaaaaa.
So now, si mimi huyo. I packed my stuff, wekelead my chile a ka last stroke and I was on my way. Enyewe my stroke game was on point cuz si the squeeze cried a good one. Lakini I didn’t blame her. Those days I was LL Cool G, yaani Ladies Love Cool Gabz. Hehehe “Yaani Gabz you can leave me like this, aki I’ll really miss you” she sobbed. “Don’t worry sweery, I’ll make sure I visit often, and anyway it’s a good excuse for you to come Coasto and visit” I assured her.
Wapi! Ndani I was like…
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Out of sight, out of mind. I was going crazy just thinking of that 80 ngwanyaz salo and all those Coasto mamas and the mad fun I would have. Those days we used to go by bus called Busscar (I don’t know if they still operate) so sisi hao, it was a night bus and I fikad Coasto kitu 9:00am asubuhi. My Aunt had come to pick me up at the stage. As we drove to their digs pale Buxton, she briefed me on what the assignment entailed. Basically, I would be part of a team of research assistants who would be conducting a baseline survey on maternal health. The contract was for three months with possibility of extension if we did a good job and there was donor funding. We fikad Buxton and it was great meeting my cousin Nyawira who I hadn’t met in a long while. My Aunt was a widow and my two other cuzos were working in the US and this one was the last born. We chapad mad storo as we caught up. The other occupant of the digs was the mboch who was an older Digo lady who would travel to see her kids in the village every weekend. It was a three bedroom digs, so I had a room to myselfu. Sasa basi si I settled in, nininini… After two weeks training, I started jobbo. It was really tiring cuz it involved a lot of travelling. Man, there’s no corner of Coasto I didn’t fika. Msambweni, Siyu Port, Hindi, Kikambala, Witu, Mpeketoni aka Mpex, Ukunda…you name it. Our jobbo was basically collecting data via questionnaires, focus groups, na kadhalika. Our team was assigned a van, a driver, two research supervisors, 4 research assistants and a liaison officer from the Ministry of Health. We basically lived on the road and it was challenging work but also really fun. Unfortunately, the only females in the group were the officer from MoH and one of the research supervisors. But goddamn, they were these motherly matronly looking types so nikajua baas! hapo hakuna “zero grazing” ni kukauka tuu.
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By this time, we had slowly drifted apart with Naomi, my girlfriend in Nairobi. The job was hectic and most of the time when I arrived back in the hotel after a long day, I was too exhausted to even think straight. At first, it was calls everyday, then kidogo like this it was a call every other day. Then texts now and then. After some time we had completely drifted apart. Whenever I called we just argued. Eventually we just mutually called it off. I was Mr. dry spell mwenyewe. So, what I did was I waited till we took our breaks from the road trips after every two weeks and returned to Mombasa for debrief. Man, si I balled! Pale Bob’s bar I was like a celeb. My life reminded me of Jay Z’s “Big Pimping”
It’s big pimpin’ baby,
Spendin G’s
Feel me uh-huh uhh, uh-huh
Kumbuka my aunt was a head honcho in that NGO, so she frequently travelled abroad for conferences, seminars etc So me and my cuzo and her boyfriend Fred had her moti to ourselves most of the time. Kwanza it was a Pajero. As my Luo brothers say , “ofuk bandal” yaani big pimping baby!!
Man, akina Halima na Farhiya walinitambua kweli kweli.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgoqrgc_0cM
Now, it was one of those days when I came back to Mombasa from Msambweni for my break. My aunt had travelled to New York and my cuzo and Fred had gone to Nairobi to visit his family in Buru Buru. I hurriedly entered the digs to unpack, get the car keys and as per kawa head to Bob’s. The following day was my birthday and I planned to paint the town red. Since it was a Friday, I knew the mboch would have travelled to her village, so basically I had the house to myself…Big pimping baby!