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Blind date gone bad

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#1
so it been a long time since tommy posted on this site...sio kwa ubaya nimekuwa nikitafuta UNGA...

ok enough with this bullshit ya kila mtu husema natafuta UNGA kwani wewe hu-uza chapo ama donuts.. money should never make you a slave...unawork monday to sunday then unanunulia LANYE fombe pesa zote...have some fun...do something exciting visit a museum,visit a new town, enda club hujawai enda and DFHKM(with rubber)a Hoe...do something dangerous kiasi....kama hujawai kawasaki jaribu...wacha ufala have some fun.....money is number and numbers never end...

ok back to my story.....so back in 2008 while working in nai CBD...iyo time facebook ilikuwa the thing,
so nika-add ka binti from GITHURAI ...tukachat chat for a while..ma phone calls kiasi and we made a date to met in town......

the day ya kumeet kama kawaida,l bought DUREX but normally l use STUDDED..job nilikuwa na funga 7.30pm it was on a sato...we were to met at 8pm at the entrance of a famous club Trends....kwanza apo nilijuwa nitakamua hadi che vile tume met usiku.....

nilichangamuka na kufika mapema na nikaingia TRENDS kubook pale tutakaa na nika-order Tusker yangu baridi...she texted me ako apo chini....l was nervous as l went to get her...kwanza nikapiga survery kama ni dame momo ama laptop coz picha za facebook huchanganya mtu..

l saw her....she was smartly dressed but not as hot as her Facebook pictures..apo apo akili ikaniambiya hii utachapaa doggy-style pekee...we hugged and smiled at each other kama mafala...simunaelewa izi maufala kujifanya gentleman na lovidavi.....

tukapandaa izo stairs za TRENDS and l rem hadi l pulled a chair for her to seat on....apo apo waiter akakuja she ordered Smirnoff (apo nikajuwa basi ngotha remover ndio iyo...guarantee DFHKM)
mimi nikaendelea na Tusker yangu...the club was too noisy to have a conversation..so nikasema na roho wewe kunywa tu lakini lazima DFHKM...

fast forward .....l orders food and we ate (by food siunajuwa ni chipo za club)....we started dancing and really had a good time....whenever l ordered another tusker she insisted pia mimi ongeza...

she was a bit shy at the beginning but the more she drunk the more she shouted and dominated our noisy conversation...l told her to go easy on the drinks (lakini reason sikutakaa kuspend chapa mob)
she got more and more wild...and even started dancing with everybody who passed near us....
nikaona sasa amekuwa too much...and told her we go home coz she is drunk....
l was given this reply...TUENDE HOME SAA HII NDIO UKANITOMBE?
l was shocked at her question,and just played it cool...she insisted she want more drinks...manze l wanted to leave her there..but nikaweka focus kwa DFHKM (patients pays)....

its was almost 1am and my dream to ramyana this chic were not coming true...she became more drunk and aggressive...l brought her water to drink and one bouncer told me bro uyu dame wako tutatupa nje...l gave the bouncer 50bob to kanyagiya iyo story.......
l told her we change venue but she refused and she was now too drunk to stand on her own....within no time she vomited chini ya meza.....apo apo tukatolewa nje ata bouncer wa 50bob hakunitetea....l parted with another 300ksh ati ya kuosha puke....

1am with a drunk chic na keja iko ngara...l knew before nifike tom mboya kuchukuwa no.6 will be harrased by this stupid policemen in nai...l negotiated with jamaa wa TAXI and paid 500ksh place nigelipa 40 bob na matatu....

tukafika kejani the chic just wanted to sleep....na mimi na iyo stress yote wanted to revenge na ni DFHKM....
l put her to bed and removed her shoes and then this bitch Puked kwa kitanda on the pillow...apo josto ata ikarudi resting position...she was dead drunk...l opted to let her sleep and very disappointed and horny...nikalala kwa sofa....

then to make matters worse alikojoa kwa bed...even to make it worse x10...alijikunia

my house was smelling like shit.....


part two nita-washow what happen in the morning when she woke up (nimechoka)
 

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DI TICHA

Village Elder
#7
so it been a long time since tommy posted on this site...sio kwa ubaya nimekuwa nikitafuta UNGA...

ok enough with this bullshit ya kila mtu husema natafuta UNGA kwani wewe hu-uza chapo ama donuts.. money should never make you a slave...unawork monday to sunday then unanunulia LANYE fombe pesa zote...have some fun...do something exciting visit a museum,visit a new town, enda club hujawai enda and DFHKM(with rubber)a Hoe...do something dangerous kiasi....kama hujawai kawasaki jaribu...wacha ufala have some fun.....money is number and numbers never end...

ok back to my story.....so back in 2008 while working in nai CBD...iyo time facebook ilikuwa the thing,
so nika-add ka binti from GITHURAI ...tukachat chat for a while..ma phone calls kiasi and we made a date to met in town......

the day ya kumeet kama kawaida,l bought DUREX but normally l use STUDDED..job nilikuwa na funga 7.30pm it was on a sato...we were to met at 8pm at the entrance of a famous club Trends....kwanza apo nilijuwa nitakamua hadi che vile tume met usiku.....

nilichangamuka na kufika mapema na nikaingia TRENDS kubook pale tutakaa na nika-order Tusker yangu baridi...she texted me ako apo chini....l was nervous as l went to get her...kwanza nikapiga survery kama ni dame momo ama laptop coz picha za facebook huchanganya mtu..

l saw her....she was smartly dressed but not as hot as her Facebook pictures..apo apo akili ikaniambiya hii utachapaa doggy-style pekee...we hugged and smiled at each other kama mafala...simunaelewa izi maufala kujifanya gentleman na lovidavi.....

tukapandaa izo stairs za TRENDS and l rem hadi l pulled a chair for her to seat on....apo apo waiter akakuja she ordered Smirnoff (apo nikajuwa basi ngotha remover ndio iyo...guarantee DFHKM)
mimi nikaendelea na Tusker yangu...the club was too noisy to have a conversation..so nikasema na roho wewe kunywa tu lakini lazima DFHKM...

fast forward .....l orders food and we ate (by food siunajuwa ni chipo za club)....we started dancing and really had a good time....whenever l ordered another tusker she insisted pia mimi ongeza...

she was a bit shy at the beginning but the more she drunk the more she shouted and dominated our noisy conversation...l told her to go easy on the drinks (lakini reason sikutakaa kuspend chapa mob)
she got more and more wild...and even started dancing with everybody who passed near us....
nikaona sasa amekuwa too much...and told her we go home coz she is drunk....
l was given this reply...TUENDE HOME SAA HII NDIO UKANITOMBE?
l was shocked at her question,and just played it cool...she insisted she want more drinks...manze l wanted to leave her there..but nikaweka focus kwa DFHKM (patients pays)....

its was almost 1am and my dream to ramyana this chic were not coming true...she became more drunk and aggressive...l brought her water to drink and one bouncer told me bro uyu dame wako tutatupa nje...l gave the bouncer 50bob to kanyagiya iyo story.......
l told her we change venue but she refused and she was now too drunk to stand on her own....within no time she vomited chini ya meza.....apo apo tukatolewa nje ata bouncer wa 50bob hakunitetea....l parted with another 300ksh ati ya kuosha puke....

1am with a drunk chic na keja iko ngara...l knew before nifike tom mboya kuchukuwa no.6 will be harrased by this stupid policemen in nai...l negotiated with jamaa wa TAXI and paid 500ksh place nigelipa 40 bob na matatu....

tukafika kejani the chic just wanted to sleep....na mimi na iyo stress yote wanted to revenge na ni DFHKM....
l put her to bed and removed her shoes and then this bitch Puked kwa kitanda on the pillow...apo josto ata ikarudi resting position...she was dead drunk...l opted to let her sleep and very disappointed and horny...nikalala kwa sofa....

then to make matters worse alikojoa kwa bed...even to make it worse x10...alijikunia

my house was smelling like shit.....


part two nita-washow what happen in the morning when she woke up (nimechoka)
If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you............
 

aviator

Village Elder
#12
@aviator angaliya date ya story my LOLA is a queen l respect so much
Nimeona date ni 2008, but si they say wakosanao ndio wapendanao? I guess mlikosana na huyo dame and in your revenge, you climbed the hole that shitted on your bed. The hoe liked it and offered it once more as a sign of sorriness (nimekosa word nyingine). You loved it and it became a routine.

And that's how tony met his Lola.
 

DI TICHA

Village Elder
#13
@Purr_27 thanx am back now
@Elin kama ni wagithurai ni yeye
@DI TICHA hav some fun kakak pesa sio kila kitu...sometimes weka credit scroll down on you phone gotea
wasee wale mulikuwa close kitambo...wajuliye hali sio saa zile mtu ako hosi ndio unahall...
Nimeskia.............But hiyo storo yako.....Aaaaiiiiiiii,,,,,,,,,,,,,Definately singekuwa ka wewe hapo but ingenihappenia Murder could be the case........
 

CORNERS

Village Elder
#14
waaa.boss how u dint scatter after alipuke the first time sielewi..alafu dem akishakuwa vulgar ivyo si unajijazia tu area code yake na unajitoa.au?
 
U

uwesmake

Guest
#15
WAWAWA UNCLE HIO NI NOMA HAPO MI NINGEMUOGESHA AS A GENTLEMAN THEN NICHANGE BEDDINGS THEN NIMEZE VEGA 100 NA NIMKAMUE MBELE NA NYUMA SHOT 6,

THESE ARE THE STORIES WE NEED SI STORIES/NONSENSE BORING KAMA ZA @Leo Mwangih
 
#17
@DI TICHA was taught by my mum to never hit a woman mtu wangu
@uwesmake wazi kaka nimerudi sasa...but iyo mkojo alikojoa ilitiririka hadi chini ya bed..l would have fucked kama ilikuwa mkojo tupu lakini iyo shonde killed the vibe for me....
@CORNERS nilikuwa natakaa kujito design ya rudisha lakini nikaona mafisi wa nai wanaweza mfanyia bad-news
 

CORNERS

Village Elder
#20
WAWAWA UNCLE HIO NI NOMA HAPO MI NINGEMUOGESHA AS A GENTLEMAN THEN NICHANGE BEDDINGS THEN NIMEZE VEGA 100 NA NIMKAMUE MBELE NA NYUMA SHOT 6,

THESE ARE THE STORIES WE NEED SI STORIES/NONSENSE BORING KAMA ZA @Leo Mwangih
WAWAWA UNCLE HIO NI NOMA HAPO MI NINGEMUOGESHA AS A GENTLEMAN THEN NICHANGE BEDDINGS THEN NIMEZE VEGA 100 NA NIMKAMUE MBELE NA NYUMA SHOT 6,

THESE ARE THE STORIES WE NEED SI STORIES/NONSENSE BORING KAMA ZA @Leo Mwangih
@uwesmake wewe story yako pia sasa aish..uone dump.uskie harufu kisha umwoshe then ulenge na umDFHKM tena.boss kwani we ni wale ma morticians hudinya maiti
 
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