Bwana alileta Mali safi kumbe Bibi ako idhaa

Welcome to macharia wa kamau short tales from My hood …

I bet pia in your hood there is that hidden joint huwa unaingia kumeza jugs mbili au moja as you hangout with fella villagers discussing vile iyo port Hole inakera , na pia mbona stima zikipotea zinarudishwa saa nne usiku etcetra …

So on this day Niko ,kirathimo pub , it’s a single room converted into a pub ukiwa ndani nikama uko jikoni za pale highskul, smoke , liqour smell, bad breaths, laughter , samidoh hit songs and the ever bothering dirty fella that are ever begging u buy them a kathateee…

At one corner baba Esther ambaye alibarikiwa mapema is enjoying some tusker in company of a fairly plumpy lady in her early 20’s .
Baba Esther amekula chumvi kiasi coz anaelekea feftiii Kama sijakosea . He. Owns a bungalow and the juakali sector is fine on his end coz naskia yeye na biashara za scrap metal wacha tu…

I sip my keg using the mesharisha aka straw , god bless whoever came up with that discovery it’s a good way of training how to suck ((((((no gay shit))))) sucking nipples …

At around 10 p.m njoki Kia thuruari Nene demands I pay her bill , ni kitu 150 hivi but amesahau kuhesabu kathateee nilinunulia kiragu Kia iratu ( our village cobra ).

Am out of the pub , I remember nduthi yangu hata haina mataa but all in all I will drive slowly , napiga kicks Kama fote fae b4 igurume ((((forgive me sijui kuguruma na kizungu I may type kushout ) ))))

Kufika makejani najitupa kwa sofa , n am into dreamland , I dream dating socialite jecinta adhiambo , no no no no socialite hudah …before a continuous phone call awakens me …

In my hood we never ignore calls at the middle of the night , in most cases there is always a heist happening coz last time I received such a call duka ya ndiragu wa gas wezi walipitia kwa mabati wakabeba mitungi 72 ya gas na hata kapaka kake walivuka nako…weeeh sasa nakuwanga rada Sana wasinisafishe Mali kwa shop ya mine…

Kuamka I check my phone I have over 16 missed calls from diffferent people in the hood , my heart is pumping fast , m thinking ama wakora wameniosha , another call comes in from Josh "niaje macha hiyo duruu naskia huku kwenyu ni ya Nini, for over 40 mins "

I tell Josh sijaskia nduru yeyote but upon listening there is commotion outside " choma , fungua ,uiiiiii , maraya" .

M like wtf is going on , naangalia chini ya kiti sioni weapon yeyote , nakimbia kitchen natoka na mwiko ile kubwa ya kupika uji …Mimi huyo kwa gate I peep n Kuna crowd kubwa nje ya my immediate neiba baba Esther Yule niliwacha pale kwa pub …

Nafungua gate Hadi nje , nikama nimepitwa na drama ,

"Macha hata wewe uko ,huku ? , Imagine baba Esther amefumaniwa na wife yake akikula mzoga ameokota kwa virabu , hahahaha sahii wote wako ndani ni macinemaree’ denoo was nduthii tells me …

True inside the bungalow Kuna wretlemania 32 , kumbe mama Esther alidanganya baba Esther AME-ENDA ochaa na watoto atarudi after krisi, baba Esther akajua ni chance poa ya kurarua Mali safi sahii watoto was college na highskul wamevunga, vitu tight na poa …hehehehe kumbe yote ilikuwa ni setup wife alifikisha watoi ocha na akarudi in secret kuchunguza rumours alisikia baba Esther ana import magaldems usiku…

After 20 mins ivi karao wa mtaa anajifikisha area , he just has a torch na anakaa mlevi … together with some men we manage to open the gate n save the slayqueen , Vita amepatana nayo na baba Esther amemiss kuchinjwa shingo coz ako na jelaha kwa begaa plus he is bleeding alot… Slayqueen anatoka ki eliud kipchongee 1:59 challenge naona amefuatwa mbio na karanja mugoroki , huyo atajua dryspell is real …

Baba Esther naye anakimbizwa mbio medical, mama Esther naye sijui alifichwa na kina Nani in all that drama …

Tukithani drama imeisha , mwash mzee ambaye hukumake kuchaguliwa nyumba kumi mobilises a group of youths wale huuza jabaa questioning why karao wetu wa mtaa is drunk …

“Chomaaa chomaaa, Askari wetu wameshidwa na kazi” hehehe sema karao kuingizia na kutoka kipchongee keino pia …

Hapa kitanuka , 5 mins later grandtiger inatoklezea , risasi juu twa twa twa , brathee ni mguu niponye kwenye nililala after that ni karibu na cattle dip flani iko 1km away …usiwai cheza na ma hessy.

The following morning majamaa kadhaa walikuwa wanarusha mdomo mdomo ati chomaa wanabebwa 1 by 1 , naskia walitoka Kila mtu na kapa kumi na mbili …

:DSwafi,I can relate.najua Karanja alinyandua slay

Nîatîa Masharia

Salama Sana

M good … Hustle tu

Ni wega uguo

Hii ribs ni ya ukweli?

Chomaa ni nini ?

Swafi

I will laugh at this hekaya for the whole week,just made my Xmas mood tamu kabisa…

Tamu sana