As they say you only get lucky once but for me it happened twice and as it is, my favourite uncle, the one and only Thiong’o aka Thio was on the receiving end once again.
Sometime last week I went back to muchatha to visit my old man and see my folks and as sure as hell uncle Thio was still around, alive and kicking and as funny as he could ever be. He had since forgiven me for eating from his cooking jar but as fate would have it I was at it again na sio kupenda kwangu, it just happened.
We decided to go for an evening out with the boyz atleast ni waspoil kiasi na juu najua vizuri sana uncle Thio hupenda za bure nikamchukua pia. He ended up drinking too much and got so drunk to understand himself akaanza wanaa ya kuimba na kuzusha na kila mtu na sahizo hana nguvu ya kupigana, kama tu ule mujamaa wa mbushare wa hapa kwa hii kijiji. We took him back home to sleep by force and returned to continue enjoying the evening.
I embark on my hunting mission and as luck is always a good friend of mine, I landed the sweetest shiny eye that I last saw kakiwa katoto kadogo hata sikuwa namkumbuka jina and being the man that I am, always standing out from the crowd, it wasn’t a complicated mission navigating my way into this gal’s mind and heart. Before nijue, alikuwa ndani ya net. Since I wasn’t there for courtship nor was I planning kumuoa ilibidi the next obvious thing ihappen. After making her laugh real hard and giving her stories of giants akajipa and coitus took place in the public men cave read ka-guesthouse hapo kwa centre and I called it a day, of-course na ma promise kibao za kumlink na ka job once nikifika kwa Abdul. I normally score well with this kind of lines.
What I didn’t know that night was that nilikuwa nimebinjia uncle Thio dem kwa mara nyingine. I found myself asking me why am I always this ‘lucky’? Hehe … kufanya kosa sio kosa, kosa ni kurudia kosa. Thats exactly what I had done. How unlucky can an uncle get?
Following day tukiwa roundy na Thio we met ‘my gal’ and before I introduce her, uncle na kiherere yake calls her by name (Wamaitha) na kuanza zile za kwanini amemtupa hivo. Hapo nikawa confused kiasi juu she lied to me that her name was Purity Wangari though it dint matter at that point as nilikuwa nimefikisha threshold already. The gal found it hard to respond to the porojos since I was there and she dint want kujichomea picha. Nikajifanya simjui and Thio gladly introduced us. Hapo tunatupiana ma glance while uncle akidhani nime hapi juu ya kumeet huyo dem wake msupa. If only angejua what transpired the previous night.
Before I left for the city I had a rematch just to confirm kama hizo nduru za utamu zilikuwa ni real ama plastic. After feeding the las with ma uwongo za kawaida nikamuacha with the hope that nitam marry nikirudi in two months time then nimpeleke gulf kuishi na mimi. Still wondering why madem bado u.fall for these stupid lies. Anyways hio atangoja sana.
Sasa shida ni one of my aunts happened to get wind of the happenings and am pretty sure Thio atajua with time nilim short change tena na siko sure kama this time round he will ever forgive me though I came to know about her being his girl after kumbinja. Akikuja sana itabidi nim blackmail coz am sure his wife hajui kama ako na mwk and she wont like it a bit na kwanza ni wakutoka Nyere.