Climbing a 50+1

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Village Elder

I have seen a threat that if I don’t beat you this story I will be voted a director of Kihiu Mwiri. Well... I don’t take threats with any heaviness but the threat to vote me a director of Kihiu Mwiri has made my bells return to stomach. And because I don’t want that seat, let me beat you this story of climbing a 50+1.
There are those times you scratch bells so much, you wish even your enemy can call you they buy you a drink as they abuse you. Such time was a few weeks ago. Theuri, Akuku and I didn’t have even what that can be praised but we needed to wet our throats.
We decided to go to another place they sell Castle lager on offer. One dogogio is costing of Jomo . Yes, a full dogogio costing of the late. Meaning, with 500, you have 5 dogogios and they eat one to eat.
When we had drinked two, Theuri telled Akuku “ Turathinika ni njohi na mama iria ringi e area? (We are eating problem of dogogio and maybe that mama is in the area?)
Akuku suddenly saw that statement as if it was the best even words saided. He saided “I ma. Na ndioi dagitari, reke tumite auge niaramienda” (Yes, and because she does not know Dagitari, lets call her we say Dagitari wants her”
Akuku looked at me and telled me “Hena ki mama hau, we na ni nguru hanini, ndirenda ndimite. Yoka witue wina interest piu, niukuona uria I gushafua metha. “ There is a persons there, she is old small, I want to call her. When she comes, behaves like you have falled with her you see how she will dirtify this table)
I saided there is no problem. He telled me to show a lot of interest and throw compliments as if I had met a 22 year old who has telled me she has never been to MKU. He continued
“Waikaikara uge wi muhutu. Ikugura mieha itatu niukuona we. Yendete nguiko ta sirry” When we stay stay, say you are hungry. She will put 3 chickens you will see. She loves climbing like sirry”
I asked “Ni hiku? (Is she married?) Theuri looked at me bad then asked “Urenda kumihikia? (You want to marry her?)
I saided no. I saided I asked because that will be Ikenia Art’s theme of this week’s play.. “Mwatu wene” (beehive of owners) that will be staged at Sarakasi dome Ngara from Friday.
I asked if she is climbable. They held thin then Theuri saided “ Niui andu matihananaga. Kiria gigukenagia tikio gikenagia ngoro yaku. No ikiri mbeca ta gathia” You know people don’t look alike. What makes you happy is not what makes me happy. But she has money like ghasia). There there, I started to put face. Because I know Theuris and Akukus likes and they were saying this one them they cant touch, then her looks couldn’t be praised.
Small, she entered. She didn’t first come to out table direct. She sat far as if she was borrowing permission to come seat with us.
Theuri asked her why she was sitting far. She came and saided a person with manners does not jump on others, maybe we were in a meeting.
She was not as bad as I thought. She had like25 earings on each ear, probably to signal her age to those who keep asking ladies how old they are and a nostril to deny her body that it has reached the threashold. From how she looked, when she was young, she looked like sun. She was a lightskin, tall and was not denied thutha. But due to the effect of Guiness, she had grown stomach and all the things that comes with Guiness, including very excessive weight gain and talking as if you have power.
After introduction, she asked for Guiness kubwa and coke. Before it was opened, she asked what we were drinking. Theuri telled “Ino itagwo Caso . Ni njeru yumite tanganyika” She looked at it and asked “Ati Keloshe?” an indication that she had her blonde moments too. She was telled yes. She saided she also be given Kaso. Before her Kasoraga was brought, she saided even us be given 3 3 each.
When she was telled I am a doctor, she became excited and telled me she will come see me at my clinic. When she tried to tell me I don’t know what, about leg, what could be the problem, I stopped her and telled her to see me at the clinic because that’s the only place we can talk in confidence. At times, I google and get instant answers but here, my phone had died of fire.
In my head, I was saying even if I ukia how, degehota. But I played along as was advised.
Small, I saided I wont take another dogogio because I was hungry. She asked us what we will take. Akuku saided we can put meat of boilo. I looked at him and telled him that I don’t like red meat.
She telled Akuku to go at the butchery and put the number of mwewes we will be able to full.
In my head, I was saying, she is feeling the way we men feel when we call those lightskins and they start beating themselves how they don’t eat this or that before returning to their hoods in Kayore and Huruma.
By the 8th caso, my opinion started to change. Head started to think those nice things I was saying to her, I actually meant them and started to relay them to my josto. I even started to protect her from men who wanted to take advantage of her generosity. Even Theuri and Akuku, I was the one saying how many more they should be boughted. I even telled them to get someone who can be buying them dogogio and not my persons.

To cut the long story short, my 11th beer was drinked in room.
As I removed clothes, I noticed that tree had stretched until knee. Though Castle lager is known to kill electricity, this one I refused to know. I removed all and lay on the bed, with zig zag coiling its way up until near ceiling.
She removed hers and went to wash tiita. When she returned, she almost fainted to see a zig zag. Although Theuri had telled her that I carry heavily, I seem to have surpassed her expectations. She then jumped on the zig and started to suck. Although I am not a fan even small of being sucked josto this one sucked until I felt like to pour. She would suck, then remove and come to kiss me. I refused piu piu to kiss her. There is no way you gonna suck my josto then kiss me, coz that’s like I sucked my own josto. So that she does not feel bad, I telled her that my granpa left abuse saying no one in our family should kiss women. She returned to josto and sucked to suck. When I felt I will pour for real, I lifted myself up and pushed her head away from josto. I telled her she inserts me makobosto I climb her.
She refused and telled me “Wee dagitari uka kahora. Come on my mouth”
I telled her no. I want to pour on tiita because that is the only way I can feel like I climbed. She saided I will pour on her tiita on my 2nd joti but for the first come, I must pour on her mouth.
I refused to know which devil I met until I got lost in thoughts and refused to know several things. One, how could she, in her wildest imagination even dream that I can afford 2 jostis? I fail to afford 2 jostis for lightskins, only her? She didn’t know I am a one joti man. Unless I sleep until morning with a persons is the only time I can say I climbed two jostis, the other one in the morning.
I refused piu piu. I picked makobosto and rolled it down on my zig.
Bossingly, she telled me, “Kuja doggie basi”
I obliged. Though it has never been my favourite. Twaf twaff, the muviorie she was vioriaring threw me out within a few thrusts, falling on my back. Immediately, she came on top, took mutree on her hand, pointed it on tiita, inserted small until all was in. Then, she started to vioria to vioria. A mvioririe I have never experienced before.
Within a few seconds, I poured I think biggest in many years. Even after pouring, she didn’t stop to vioria.
I held her and telled her I have poured. She asked “Ati? I saided I poured, she remove we relax small.
She telled me “ati kii? Hueze toa mbaka hata mimi nimwage. No nginya njite dagitari”
With that mviorire, I felt as if makobosto was coming out. I telled her “makobosto imetoka” She didn’t seem to listen or mind. I pushed her away and telled her to let me change makobosto then. She fell for the trick.
I went to bathroom, removed makobosto and bathed, washing josto even piu piu.
I threw eyes and saw her lay with legs apart as if she was waiting for the climb of the year.
I was torn. I didn’t know what to do and returning to that bed was a big no. Under no circumstance could I afford another joti. Even if what.
I tiptoed until bed. I telled her I need to buy redbull.
She asked me to remove money from her bag to go buy. I telled her I have. I returned clothes and when I removed from that room, the first thing I did was to switch off my phone.
Degehota ringi.

I am,
Dagitari Onjohi
Snr. Gyno.
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