Comb Hekaya


Village Elder


Everytime i see this comb, my pair retreat to the abdomen. Yes, they used to be torture devices by mathe na big siz but as an adult ndio nilikipata. I have posted hekayas of ladies, now kungurus, who were half Arab, quarter Indian and the other quarter Kale. They were neighbours(still are)huko kwa farm. Their parents and grandparents were big time farmers. I had narrated of how nilikwama kwa their open water tank from 10pm to 2am, how I called her from some distance while I was on the road using hand signals, only for her mother to turn up(they were a carbon copy of their mom), and how I was trapped kwa bedroom yao chini ya bed converting the shirt I had on into a urinal in the process. All these in the search of precious puthy. Mwanaume ni bidii, and the eldest of the two sisters noticed. So this one time dem akaingia box akakubali twende out Eldy town. 'Out' basically meant amecheza mzazi harudi nyumbani that night. Years mwanaume ameng'ang'ana, the effort had finally come to fruition. Being in campus, nilikua msoto so nikauza tugunia twa mahindi kidogo kisniper wallet ikafura. Didn't book a room until I was sure she was coming. Iko sensors zilikua zinatuma info kutoka mashinani confirming target is on the move. Immediately nikakimbia Asis Hotel kuchukua room. Armed with the room keys nikarudi Klique bar and restaurant kungoja mtu.

She arrived after picking suruba ya gomba (she aped traits of her father). Kuulizwa atakunywa nini akasema Gordon's. Tukaanza na tots. Mrembo akapewa kinywaji sawasawa. Mzito amezoea Merry Cane ndani ya Jug Daniels but hio siku anakunywa Barcadi Breezer:D. As any other fisi would do, I was checking her status from the corners of my eyes. She was getting louder. Yes! Waiter sasa leta chupa quarter. Former classmates would come by, say hi na kujiendea. My first suggestion of retiring to the room was shot down even before I could finish the statement. Nikaitisha soda water ya kuharakisha. Within no time she was leaning on my shoulders drunk as a fish. Other patrons walikua wanaangalia hio meza yetu na wivu. Jamaa amechota bajuni-lookalike, kitu swafi. Nikaingiza prey kwa pickup hadi Asis kwa room. The furthest niliwai fika before that day was her upper body. You couldn't touch her punani. Word on the village panya routes was that she had an undeveloped puthy(whatever that meant) that's why nobody had ever been successful. I had the chance to prove that myself. She slumped on the bed and began snoring right away. Fisi ikatoa viatu, top, that order. Mtu ametulia tu. Bra ikatoka but nilikua nimezoea boobs so that sight wasn't one to behold, at least for me. Kamebaki kanguo kamoja tu. Nikateremsha bendera. She protested a bit and then fell silent. Nikatoa kwa mguu moja. That was enough. Amini usiamini she had a normal puthy. Beta males wako na excuses za kijinga sana. Explored some more and confirmed the anatomy was normal. Kashimo kalikua and it was wet. Kuamsha dem ndio nianze, mtu haamki. Couldn't proceed. It was around 4am and I was also quite drunk. I blacked out too nikiwa uchi wa kuzaliwa.

Was woken up around 8 am in a drunken stupor. Nikainua kichwa kidogo na kumwambia awache nilale kidogo. Somehow, being half asleep nikaskia ameuliza mbona yuko uchi, nikamshow we're not brother and sister. She then asked why her canal was wet and I absentmindedly told her she was a dynamite in bed. Kumbe the lady was serious. Akachomoa that comb from her bag and since I was facing away from her, akaingiza hio kichana kwa mgongo yangu with all the force she could muster. Wueeh! Hio pain? Nikawachilia alarm kidogo, turned and slapped the shit out of her( the only time I've hit a woman). Kuamka ni kilio tu kwa room. My back was bloodied. Hotel management walifika kwa mlango ghafla bin vu and threatened to break the door if we didn't open. Tried to convince her I was just kidding lakini wapi. Ameanza nduru. The dad had passed on a few months back and now she was alleging I was taking advantage of her coz the dad was no more. Gentlemen nilijaribu kumbembeleza mtu but the more I did the more volume inaongezwa. I opened the door, and the management flooded in. Mzito akabebwa juu juu hadi reception. Washenzi throught I was @Sogomba Sadamkale and had bomoad kabat ya mrembo. Nikajitetea with the bloodied back and we were thrown out of the hotel. I didn't expect her to continue with the wailing outside. Wapi! Nduru zinaendelea as she walked to the matatu stage. Mimi niko 5m nyuma ndio public isigundue what was happening. Dem alilia hadi nikafeel. Got to jer, turned her around and told her to her face that I didn't penetrate her! Sura ya kazi paid off. Kilio ikaisha, she was just sobbing. Convinced her tuchukue cab and took her home. Relief! Lakini madem mko na ujinga. Same evening alikua anacheka na mimi ati i'm a gentleman. Ile siku nilipewa wacha tu! Acted like Lexington Steele. But hio kichana....
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Hekaya on point question though ni Aziz ama Asis if its the latter then it's a good hotel spent there some days with a crow while eating life in eldoret sweet memories. I see you are a gentleman unlike most who would gladly feast on a passed out damsel!!!
The bishop approves this.


Village Sponsor
hehe wacha Bingwa akupate. Did she have brothers? I read a comment here of someone who had to move from Eastleigh just because his slice giver's brotehrs wanted to harm him. Hapo that was a close call
hehe wacha Bingwa akupate. Did she have brothers? I read a comment here of someone who had to move from Eastleigh just because his slice giver's brotehrs wanted to harm him. Hapo that was a close call
Wako. They're good friends of mine now but dem days even if I went for something'official' like borrowing a plough or trailer walikua wanacome wananishow 'gogo amekupea two minutes utoke hapa'. But that lady went to kitale works akakutana na birrionea owner of a petrol station and many other biznesses who happened to be a muslim shiny eye. Nashuku sana ni our resident birrionea hapa kwa kijiji