• Happy Mashujaa Day

Confessions of a taxi driver

Baba Toto

Village Elder
#1
Disclaimer: this is entirely fake, do not fact check.
I was sitting in my parked white Toyota Corolla taxi a short distance from F1 nightclub on Koinange Street. This had been my usual spot for several years. I knew most of the pros who plied their trade along the street and in nearby clubs. They called me Baba because I treated them well and never hustled them for free bjs like the other taxi drivers.
Business was slow so I decided to recline my seat and have a quick nap. I knew it would pick up around closing time. Just as I was thinking of sleeping, I saw a short figure in a white miniskirt walking fast towards me. In her hand were heels and a paperbag. This wasn't the normal speed for a lady of the night so I smelt trouble. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and she jumped into the back and said urgently 'Aki Baba nifiche'. I jumped out, went to the boot and took out a blanket I carried. I told her to lie in the foot well and covered her. No questions asked.
In less than two minutes, a black Landcruiser with tinted windows pulled up with tyres screeching and all I saw were two pairs of bloodshot eyes peering from the front and back windows. A gruff voice asked 'Umeona malaya amekimbia hapa ?' Out of pure instinct, I lied and told them I saw someone in a white mini run and board a bodaboda. I think she said something about Fig Tree ? The driver executed a perfect U turn and headed in the direction of Ngara.
I turned to the girl and uncovered her. It was Cindy (street name). She started babbling through tears 'Aki Baba nisaidie, kuna kijamaa kimenibeba kwa club nikakiwekea mchele kwa drink. Kufika kwa gari kikaanza kutoa foam kwa mdomo. Nimehepa. I think hao ni bodyguard wake.' I grilled her like the police and got more details. His white Rangerover was in a fenced parking lot near Grand Regency. It was a popular spot for people who wanted to screw pros but had a reputation to uphold so couldn't used lodgings.
I moved my car to a back street near there and told her to lie low while I checked it out. I spotted a gap in the fence and sneaked in unnoticed by the watchmen at the entrance. There was no one walking in n the parking lot but there were many cars. I approached the Range and peeked in. In the back seat was a huge beast of a man who I recognised from the papers. His floppy tiny member was exposed through his open fly. There was a line of foam dripping from his slack jaw. I slowly opened the door away from view of the watchmen. There was a white cloth in his hand and I took it to wipe the foam. As I did, he suddenly opened his eyes dizzily, grabbed my collar and hissed 'Who sent you to kill me?'. Without thinking, I shoved the cloth deep in his mouth to stop him screaming. He started choking and let go of me. Out of panic, I grabbed his hands to stop him removing the cloth. He was weak due to the drug in his system and couldn't fight me off. He retched a few times then slumped back - stone cold dead.
Shit ! I closed the door and sneaked out through the gap in the fence. My mind was racing. Where were his bodyguards ? Who had seen me ? Were my fingerprints on his car ? What if I got caught ? I decided to pin it on Cindy. It was all her fault.
I got to my car and she was still there shaking in fear. I asked where she lived and started driving. After we were out of CBD, I pulled out my phone and put it between my thighs. I switched on the voice recording app. I told her to sit like a normal passenger. I told her bluntly 'Umeua mwanasiasa'. She gasped in shock. I told her to tell me everything. She confessed her real name was Peninah Wanjiru and said she usually serviced the man in that parking lot. He would buy a few bottles of beer and they would drink for an hour, screw for five minutes and then he would leave. She had decided to immobilise him as he usually carried large sums of cash. After she had succeeded in her plan, he suddenly started convulsing and she panicked.
'Ebu let nusu ya hiyo pesa ama tuende central' I barked. She obediently complied and handed over a huge wad of cash.
When we reached her block of flats, I parked and waited for her to come out. She stood by my door with her heels and half the loot in her paper bag and hesitantly said 'Please Baba kuja unikaishe. Naogopa kulala peke yangu.' I stuffed my cash in my leather jacket pocket, locked the car and followed her. As she climbed up the stairs ahead of me, her miniskirt rode up and I saw her shaved cat staring at me. 'Kwani huvai suruali ?' I asked. She laughed and said ' Nilikuwa nimevaa lakini kijamaa kikaniambia nitoe. Huwa kinanusa panty yangu kinambao.' Damn, that was what was lodged in his throat now. The irony.
We entered the house and she led me straight to the bedroom. For a pro, her house looked unusually clean and tidy. I asked her if she had condoms and she pointed at a bedside drawer. ' Wacha nioge nikuje unitombe vile unataka. Aki leo uneniokoa. I owe you forever.' she said while stripping.
As she showered, I sat back and laughed. I had about 300k in my pocket, I was about to screw a cute hooker all night, I had eliminated one of the top opposition politicians and most importantly, I had gotten away with it.
Life was so good.
 

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