Coping mechanisms kwa hii fast paced and busy life ni very necessary.We all have them.Zingine ni za upuzi but who cares?So long as it serves its intended purpose,you do you.Kuna beshteangu akifika kwa multitude yeye huweka simu kwa maskio just to avoid random convos.Its funny how the tactic is so engraved in his system,hadi when a colleague walks to our table kwa cafe you can be sure of what he’s going to do next.Kuna several lady friends who walk with earphones or pods listening to nothing just to look busy and avoid random sasa mrembos.
A couple of years ago I was travelling to Luanda for some work related commitments.Izo enzi I was still a junior na Kampuni ilikua inanitumia kama punda.Am not complaining though ju I am the person I am today ju yao.But kazi nilikua nafanyishwa banae.On this fine Nairobi evening nimeingia pale Railways nikabook basi yangu safi kuelekea magharibi mwa Kenya.Travelling by night hits different bora isikue ni mazishi unaenda.Nikakata tiketi ya kando ya dirisha kama Mkenya wa kawaida.
Munching on chili crips as i peruse the pages of Dan Brown’s The Davinci Code on my phone.God bless the son of a mbish who came up with smartphones.Saves us from alot of hussles.Sips hapa kule za Gato Negro Cabernet Merlot after afew paragraphs.Nimemimina hii kitu kwa water bottle.Hahaa.Vile pale highschool tulikua tunaweka chang’aa kwa chupa ya dasani tukienda funkie.Hapana tambua.By the way you all should try Maldovan wine.Price iko sawa na AVC iko around 14%.Am deep into the book when someone squeezes to the seat next to me.I don’t bother looking up but the scent that perforates my nostrils sways my focus.Isn’t that black opium?Rising swirls of steaming coffee alafu nikiinua pua saidi naskia kavanilla kwa umbaali.Manukato mufti jamani.Dan Brown regains my focus and has me hooked.
After i cant tell how long,gari ikatoka country bus na tukaanza safari.Novel imeshika ajab.Napeleka mkono kwa empty seat beside me nichukue water bottle or izit wine bottle nipige sip.Shiet.Kumbe kuna mtu.Mkono inaguza warm thighs.Dem anashtuka.My bad…I look at her,my face flushed.Ata simuoni vizuri ju ya darkness.I want to tell her that I am sorry but I just cant find my tongue.
Kumbe alitoa chupa ndio aketi and all this time she was holding it.She handed it to me and I sheepishly smiled and put it on my chest as a sign of appreciation.She smiled and nodded as if understanding the gesture.Point to note;nilianza na kusema that we all have coping mechanisms.Now this is one of them though impromptu.Nikitense ama nikue in a situation that puts my social skills in jeopardy, signs and gestures are usually my way out.And since i’ve evolved to be so good at it,many a times watu hudhani mimi ni bubu.Interestingly enough,this ‘black opium’ scented lady beside me fell for the same.A victim to her own reasoning and conclusions.
She fished out her phone,typed something then stuck it on my face.
“Hey.Am sorry sijui sign language.Sorry too for that weirdness awhile ago.Can i borrow your water?Fumbled with it but haikufunguka.Wanna take my meds”
Siko sure kama thats exactly what she wrote but that was the message.I wasn’t going to prove her wrong so I fished my phone and typed that what was in the bottle ni fobe and not water.
She hesitated abit,then going through our newly acquired drills,she typed and showed.
“I just want something to wash some tabs down.I feel pukey.”
I have long grown to accept my fate as a man. Esther Villair made sure of that.Sasa ona stranger ananipea responsibility ya kutafuta vile tabs zitakua washed down to her damn stomach.Women are so entitled.But aren’t responsibilities the firewood to the kitchen of the manly ego?
Nikauliza yeye tabs ni za nini akasema ni sijui za climate na kutuliza sijui nini ndio akiwa kwa gari asitapike.Can’t recall their exact name.Damn women.
Modern problems require modern solutions.I mean what is the worst that can happen when one gulp of alkohoo is used in good faith to wash down medicinal tabs?
Wrote a text on my phone to inform her that if the intend was to make her not to choke on solid tabs,a single sip wont kill.It would simply get the job done.
A shrug and puppy eyes were all I got.Nikapea mtoto wa kike chupa akateremsha tembe.She must have been new to vileo because of how she kept tasting her tongue and lips afterwards.
Nikaanza kushangaa mbona hajatafuta maji kwa other passengers but nikakumbuka social skills za kuomba vitu si za kila mtu.I could do exactly the same in her position.
She seemed lonely and eager for conversation.Somewhere before ata tufike Kijabe we had already exchanged numbers.She was a quick typer and well articulated.Tumeketi pamoja lakini tunapiga gumzo pale whatsapp vibaya sana.I learnt that she was a nursing student in some college in Uganda.
After the monotony had died down,we dropped the formalities.Jokes started flowing in,nikauliza yeye kama anaweza tafutia mimi a Ugandan babe.She laughed heartily and asked kwani ni nini special wako nayo that Kenyan men are so smitten by them.
I was tipsy yes but si ile sana ya kuanza kuambia stranger that i hear wako na kinembe futi saba na nusu.I kept my cool.Told her i just want to get the thrill of chewing an expatriate. Somewhere between Kikopey and Gilgil conversation ikawizzle out na kasichana kakalala.She obviously was dozing on my shoulder.
Kufika Naks stopover tukashuka nikachukua afew snacks…chili crips to be precise.I love those things bana.Kwanza kuna zingine juzi niliuziwa in some place called Ekerenyo za cassava.They are the truth.Nilizimalizia Kaplong nikaskia kama nawezapiga u-turn nikareplenish stock.
Anyway after nimeweka snacks kwa gari ndio nakumbuka nafaa kukojoa.Nashuka tena.As i negotiate iyo corner ndio nidivert niingie ‘Gentlemen this side’ naona ule mrembo.Alah.Kumbe ni kakitu proper.Medium height,rangi ni ile iko kwa constitution,figure iko sawasawa.Wow.Huyu ningekua mimi si bubu in her books ningejaribu bahati yangu.But my goose is cooked.I am a dumb motherfucker.Bubuu.
Naingia loo namaliza shughuli alafu nikitoka nampata kwa ile kona amesimama.I poke her in the ribs and she giggles.Anajaribu kufanya masign language sijui gani as we walk towards the bus and she looks stupid but i laugh it off.Am supposed to be dumb,right?
The journey kutoka Naks haikuwa eventful sana.Nothing to write home about.The girl was asleep for the better part of the way.Siwezi skiza mziki,siwezi ingia youtube.Sometimes elders lets thank God for having our body systems intact.Yaani vile nimelala kwa sofa hivi nikitype hii upuzi yote there is someone somewhere mwenye hawezi soma ju ako visually impared.Life joh.
Anyway time inapass tu hivyo lazily and kiasi tunaingia Kericho.Easy coach huenda polepole sana.Luxury and safety rank high in their radar,speed iko uko chini.Nimerecline kiti and this stranger is lying deep asleep on my chest.B
Tell you something.Beautiful women bring our guard down quite easily.Not that hiyo ni issue but I can’t fathom a random man lying on a lady’s shoulder.
I found myself stroking her hair,letting it roll through the fingers.Black opium soothed my lungs.That scent is usually magical.Inanukanga ulaya banae.She was from Nanyuki.The texture of the hair,her complexion and her demeanor had me wondering kama anawezakua wale mulattos wa pale Hills.But nope.ata kwa texts nilikua nimenote kachida ka ara(r) na ero(l).
Dan Brown keeps me busy for the rest of the journey.In Kisumu,the earliest glimpses of sunrise can be detected.Hiyo dawn hukam na baridi fulani ngori sana.AC za hii luxurious bus hazikua sufficient.Baby girl stirred and woke up.Akaamka akareach for her bag kwa this overhead rack akatoa shuka fulani fluffy.It was really warm and it smelt very good.
We were literally squeezed on one seat.But simind.She’s snuggled on me and in the sobriety that was slowly kicking in,I was skewed.Niaje huyu mtu ako easy going ivi?Izi ni vitu za movie where characters are framed and dwindled by good looking women.Sasa who can frame a poor guy like me?Things happen.Maybe the world ain’t that bad of a place.Better still,the broken clock is right twice a day,right?
Easy Coach inafika Luanda around 5:30 in the am.I gesture to the girl who is now fully awake that am alighting.Oh! By the way her name is Teresiah Kibe.I didn’t expect her to kiss me.She didn’t kiss me either but i can swear she wanted to.I could read her eyes.Naona issue ilikua ile morning breath.Si unaelewa how smelly the mouth gets ikikuwa in a state of rest for long.She just squeezed my arm,waved and gestured that we will communicate.
Nikashuka gari nikachukua nduthi kuelekea residence ya kampuni.
I was in Luanda for a whole month.We were in constant communication na Miss Kifee all this while.No hussles just chatting.I enjoyed her humour deeply.Kama certified fisi nikaonelea ni vyema nionje njahe nione kama stew itapikika ama zii.Some sexting here and there and alas.Kumbe mtoto ako game.Mimi ndio nimekua nikilalia mboga.
Jinja to Busia is a 2 hours drive.Busia to Luanda is an hour drive.She arrived on that thursday afternoon dorning a kasmall summer dress but ndani alikua amevaa stocking.Kumbe waganda hawataki mambo ya miniskirts na minidresses.After ameingia shower to freshen up ndio i was presented with what the mountains have to offer.Smooth yello yello thighs bila blemish.She was a shy girl and me watching made her jumpy and all that.Lets say gentlemen nilikula p*ssy moja tamu sana.Chenye ilikua inanibamba ni vile communication during coetus were mere gestures.But nikimpea iwambo vizuri alikua anaongea kisapere banae.For a good 4 days the daughter of Mau Mau spread her red thighs for an allegedly bubu man.Alikua anamoan na kikuyu,kiganda na kiswahili.She didn’t care coz I couldn’t understand.One time akiwa kitchen with an oversized tshirt,ass jiggly and boobs pointy without anything inside,nikaskia anaongea Kikuyu akiambia i guess her friend, that nisingalikua bubu angemake sure tumefunga ndoa.Apparently, she was cheating on her fiancee with me.She was really blowing the trumpet on me vile none of her previous lovers ever gave her such dope perfomances.Walimention afew guys that shes been intimate with.I suppose hakuwa amegongwa sana.Mwenye alioa io kitu am sure aliangukia.Fare alikuja nayo ilikua yake and she decline me paying for the return.Shopping alikam nayo ilikua very respectable.Bought me some nice bedsheets and curtains.Its funny how she never stopped to wonder why I knew my phone was ringing kwa bedroom na saizo tuko kitchen.Women are really shallow.Sorry.Feminist @Truman kapanty I digress.I’d rather Teresiah Kifee was shallow.But that coochie was the Truth mehn.My iwambo is a witness.So are my itchy fingers