This is a copied story. I don’t remember the source. Great read.
Aleki is a member of Mafisi Sacco. He has several househelps from the area, two or three women from his church, a girl from MKU-Thika campus with an annoying accent that fluctuates from English to American, and the the fat, light-skinned landlord’s wife under his belt. He also has a baby mama, a beatiful young Swahili woman, whom he was forbidden to ever see by the girl’s family.
He was living in the house directly above mine before joining us at the ground floor, where he moved to a vacant house.
This morning, after Aleki refused to pay a prostitute for her services, the prostitute defecated on his bed. From her bowels, she released a pool of foul diarrhoea whose smell stung the noses and eyes of the occupants of the entire plot, and almost killed a newborn. A green-yellow puddle of an unforgivable atrocity wrapped in sin and sprinkled with diseases and death, and animosity and discord, and morbid fear and wounded souls. A broth, the lunch of demons and a favourite dessert of Satan. It was venom, what that prostitute excreted from her rectum. A venom so lethal that Aleki was stunned into a stupor of confusion and shock for a long while. He would just stare ahead, his glassy eyes lost in a foggy, faraway place. Drool would uncontrollably dribble down his chin from the corner of his mouth and soak his chest. His head would be tilted awkardly, and his fingers twitched every few seconds.
Later on, after he recovered from the shock, Aleki found a few men to disassemble the bed and take it out together with the beddings and mattress, where it was burned. A cleansing and purification ceremony was done in his house, where tears flowed freely, and heads shaken sadly, and people sighed heavily.
When asked why he had refused to pay the prostitute, he said that he had been thoroughly underwhelmed by the state of her vagina.
“I inserted it then felt it was too dry, so I removed it,” started Aleki, the disgruntled client.
“I told her she was too dry. She suggested we use some oil. I refused because dry things are dry things even if you use 20 litres of coconut oil.”
He paused. The men nodded profusely in agreement while the women frowned in disapproval.
“So I asked her to leave but she said not until I paid her. I asked her why I should pay the 500 yet I had done nothing and she said that as long as I had put it in, I should pay. I told her I would only pay her 50 bob for a boda boda but she refused. She insisted I pay her the whole amount. Then when she saw that I wouldn’t budge, she lifted her dress, pulled down her underwear and diarrhoead right there on the bed. Then she left.”
People held their chins and told him that they were very sorry.
“I am done with prostitutes!” swore Aleki. “Completely! Forever!”
Aleki has been seen in the company of another prostitute in a bar, having drinks for closing the year.
wanja kashaitani