The next thing was me waking up the next day at 10 a.m near a matatu stage. Shit! How did I get hear in the first place. People were looking at me weirdly. I actually thought maybe a camera was behind me that’s why the attention but no there’s was no camera. I was having a terrible headache. I asked one guy, ‘we ni nini unaangalia?’ the reply he gave me made me realize what was going on ‘we huoni uko uchi’, WHAT! How did I even get naked. Looking down that’s when I realized that I was 99% naked save for my boxers only. The reality dawned on me that I had been drugged. My Airforce sport shoes were gone, my socks were gone, my designer trouser jeans were gone, my black tshirt with a skull drawing on the front was gone, my bomber jacket was gone in it was my phone, 5000/- cash, my ID and even keys. These fuckers couldn’t even leave behind my ID and keys to my house they stole everything from me. Pieces of shit. My first instinct was to go home but I couldn’t go home I had no money I couldn’t even get into a matatu when naked nobody would seat beside me. As compared to Nairobi where’s they use 33 seater matatus here they use only 14 seater matatus and there was no way I could sneak in. Matatu conductors were like, ‘oh yah tusisumbuane tafadhali usiingie hiyo gari najua huna pesa’.
I even bumped into some ladies I knew it was so embarrassing how do I even start explaining to them what had happened. People were seeing me as some type of madman. You can imagine walking in town 99% naked. Since no matatu was willing to have me as one of its passengers I decided to take a ‘nduthi’ to get home. There was a problem though this fucker wanted to be paid 150/- which was 3 times what was the normal price. Using a matatu was cheaper it was just 20/- only but for a motorbike ride it was 50/- but this piece of shit wanted to be paid that much because I was naked fuck him. He was hesitant that I couldn’t pay him since I was naked but I assured him I will pay once I get home and he accepted. So off we went and there I was on top of a motorbike naked. Imagine the reaction from the people who saw me naked from the matatus anyway haisuru mwanaume ni kukaa ngumu ama namna gani my friend as Arap Mashamba puts it. At the gate I entered hurriedly so as not to be seen by people when I recahed my door I remembered I don’t have keys to my house fuck it. My Saturday was going to be longer than I thought. When I am pondering my next move, the ‘nduthi’ guy is hot on my heels, ‘we kijana leta pesa nachelewa’, in the mixture of that the landlord made an entrance tf! as if it couldn’t get any worse. Fellow tenants had started to gather out to have a look at this 'madman 'apparently there was no madman it was just me. So my last resort was to seek help from a single mother who was my neighbor.
Months earlier she had wanted us to be an item which I had vehemently refused. She was a 25 year old, pretty and warm hearted lady. She was the best sex I have ever had in my whole life. This lady was like a sex maniac, a sex machine, a pornstar, a nymphomaniac. Damn this bitch would make me sweat it in bed. Have you ever had sex till you sweat in the ass (no homo intended). I would fuck her I would pant like a long distance runner with sweat running from my neck to my ass. I would fuck this bitch for 4 hours straight and she would be like ‘tuende round mbili za mwisho’, ‘bitch my body aint a machine (I didn’t say that those are just my thoughts)’. The sex positions this bitch showed me top notch. I guess she was compensating for her being a single mother or maybe she wanted to prove a point to be a wife material even though I didn’t want her. I mean I didn’t want to be tied down to providing for a kid that aint mine coz one day one time I would do so coz her kid is her priority. I had made it clear to her that I was with her for the sex only. She was really sad. She even came to me crying of why I could be such an inhuman being. She even said that she loved me and she had hoped for us to be together. Anyway she wished me well and here I was coming back to her for help. I explained to her my predicament and she let me in to her house. Mike, her 2 year old kid was asleep. She went out and paid the ‘nduthi’ guy who was already impatient. She came back and I borrowed her phone and called the local ‘fundi’ who came and broke my padlock so as I could get access to my house.
While in there I went straight to my bathroom and took a clean shower and dressed myself in a casual look. I put on a comedy series by the name ‘friends With Better Lives’ and laughed a little bit to forget the ‘mchele’ experience I had gone through. I received a text from Brenda the single mother saying, ‘I still love you’, I wanted to reply back but then I said lemmi let the ‘mchele’ hangover cool down first and I will reach to her later. I ceased from drinking alcohol for the next 2 months otherwise my drink gets spiked again.
But bro, ata kama kuna simu ingine, most likely utakua nazo pia na zingeibwa pia.
Kama uko na mbili na ushawacha zingine nyumbani, how did brenda know which fon to text?
And btw he doesnt mention a car. It may be possible that he doesnt have a car, but I find it very hard to believe that someone ordering jack daniels by the bottle hana ata ka- vitz kutumia.
Jack daniels mzinga na jamaa ako solo hio ni kama 6k
Waiter hawezi kuchapa mchele kama muko solo she is the only culprit
Jack daniels mzinga na jamaa hanaa hata baiskeli
Ocha huko jack daniels kwa bar very rarely ipatikane kwanza mzinga
huwezi panda motorbike naked , ok na boxer , afadhali uombe mtu nguo hata wa motorbike uende umlipe home in this era of camera phones utamulikwa mbaya mpaka grandpa wako mwenye alidedi aione huko kwa shetani
From an experienced mchele imbiber najua , you lose memory ya before and during the event
jamaa ati ako na speed dial ya fundi wa padlocks
After kuibiwa kila kitu na kupigwa mchele jamaa ni Arnold schwazneger anaweka comedy a watch he does not care to go to the police yet anajua culprit nor the hospital aone kama alifunguliwa boot .