Embarrasments

Nyarwath

Village Elder
#1
A very senior bachelor, in his late thirties had requested me to pass by at least nijue kwenye anaishi coz he was new here na ni mtu wa home. He had been transferred here by a certain security firm, in fact he was new in the firm too. This was his first assignment.
I had told him I'd be going to town but he insisted coz he was offduty and even suggested that I should tag him along, at least aone ferry tena na ajue town kidogo.

So we went to his place with a colleague, we were attending a workshop in town, sat kidogo to wait for him prepare so that we go together. Hiyo plot ilikuwa na single bathroom na line ilikuwa hapo, hangengoja coz he was going to waste our time.
Akatuambia tukae hapo kwa verandah aoge chap chap hapo kwa keja ndio tuende. Ok.

Within five mins he was done na hapo ndio vituko zikaanza!
Jamaa pulled from under his bed a stinking boiling sufuria of ugali. Yaani sijui alipika lini na akasoak hiyo sufuria, imekaa mpaka imeanza kuferment. He stirred the contents which included juala ya sukuma na mfupa to unleash the most unpleasant stench which could set your stomach running instantly. Akatoka nayo nje akaisplash huko, akarudi na sufuria na kutumbukiza kwa ile maji alikuwa ameogea ikabaki! Yack!

Dude went ahead and washed utensils in that water in the very same basin and rinsed them.
Nobody talked, we just stared at each perplexed. Huyu ni wa wapi tena??
I don't think if I can drink water from this dude's crib, never!

Akavaa shati akachukua spray akajispray, smiling and muttering something like jasho ya coast na vile hajazoea. Atleast a man should smell nice, saying hiyo spray alipewa na beste yake huko job kwao. We looked at each other waiting for the inevitable.

Spray enyewe ilikuwa ile Tropikal ya choo! That tall purplish tin you spray in the loo to maintain some odour in the house. We started laughing but seeing the way he was excited about going to town, he didn't realize what we were laughing about, maybe he thought he had upped his game.
Wacha tuingie kwa gari, weee. That thing has a very strong scent, kitambo tufike ferry I had already developed sore throat and a running nose. It was choking literally.
It was our fault anyway, we didn't tell him.

We had to go with him hadi kwa hiyo meeting atungoje hapo reception akiwatch tv na kusoma gazeti hadi tumalize.
Kitambo tumalize it was past two, tukamchukua tuende lunch which was organized there already, a buffet.

Kawaida buffet watu hupewa platters, zile kubwa ndio userve ukiendanga.
Personally, I don't stack all junk on offer, I set my mind that am eating one meal, period. Kama ni chapo nyama ni hivo, basi!

This guy ni kama hajawai kula vitu kaizi. He was standing between us in the line. Budda, jamaa scooped from every chaffing dish na sio eti kidogo kidogo, mpaka ikabaki sahani ndio ndogo.
He followed me to the table, put his food there and left, I thought he was looking for something, kumbe amerudi kwa line eti sahani ilijaa kabla achukue kuku fry. I almost stood up to follow him aache ujinga.

Umewai angalia mtu na ile jicho la kumkanya lakini hataki kujua! I took my food and migrated to another table, nikajifanya hata simjui. Surprisingly, he cleared both and at a very good speed, not to be left behind when everybody was through.

After the demolition, I went over to him, gave him two hundred shillings and told him to find his way back home, I pretended I had some business to sort elsewhere.
He has not called me since then, next time I'll not take him to town, sai anajua huko, aende mwenyewe, silly!
That was last Friday, I hope hayuko hapa kwa village, there has been an influx of new villagers of late, you never know.
 

PrimalFear

Village Elder
#5
Mimi the other day was buying juice from this lovely mama, she gives me the juice and I hand her an old 50 bob. She exclaims "Weh hii 50bob si ni mzee kama mama wa juice"
I reply "haha hiyo 50 si mzee vile"
It only hits me after I leave I insinuated that mama was much older in comparison to that tattered century old 50 bob :D:D
Pole sana mama kama uko kijiji.
 

Grundy.

Village Elder
#9
A very senior bachelor, in his late thirties had requested me to pass by at least nijue kwenye anaishi coz he was new here na ni mtu wa home. He had been transferred here by a certain security firm, in fact he was new in the firm too. This was his first assignment.
I had told him I'd be going to town but he insisted coz he was offduty and even suggested that I should tag him along, at least aone ferry tena na ajue town kidogo.

So we went to his place with a colleague, we were attending a workshop in town, sat kidogo to wait for him prepare so that we go together. Hiyo plot ilikuwa na single bathroom na line ilikuwa hapo, hangengoja coz he was going to waste our time.
Akatuambia tukae hapo kwa verandah aoge chap chap hapo kwa keja ndio tuende. Ok.

Within five mins he was done na hapo ndio vituko zikaanza!
Jamaa pulled from under his bed a stinking boiling sufuria of ugali. Yaani sijui alipika lini na akasoak hiyo sufuria, imekaa mpaka imeanza kuferment. He stirred the contents which included juala ya sukuma na mfupa to unleash the most unpleasant stench which could set your stomach running instantly. Akatoka nayo nje akaisplash huko, akarudi na sufuria na kutumbukiza kwa ile maji alikuwa ameogea ikabaki! Yack!

Dude went ahead and washed utensils in that water in the very same basin and rinsed them.
Nobody talked, we just stared at each perplexed. Huyu ni wa wapi tena??
I don't think if I can drink water from this dude's crib, never!

Akavaa shati akachukua spray akajispray, smiling and muttering something like jasho ya coast na vile hajazoea. Atleast a man should smell nice, saying hiyo spray alipewa na beste yake huko job kwao. We looked at each other waiting for the inevitable.

Spray enyewe ilikuwa ile Tropikal ya choo! That tall purplish tin you spray in the loo to maintain some odour in the house. We started laughing but seeing the way he was excited about going to town, he didn't realize what we were laughing about, maybe he thought he had upped his game.
Wacha tuingie kwa gari, weee. That thing has a very strong scent, kitambo tufike ferry I had already developed sore throat and a running nose. It was choking literally.
It was our fault anyway, we didn't tell him.

We had to go with him hadi kwa hiyo meeting atungoje hapo reception akiwatch tv na kusoma gazeti hadi tumalize.
Kitambo tumalize it was past two, tukamchukua tuende lunch which was organized there already, a buffet.

Kawaida buffet watu hupewa platters, zile kubwa ndio userve ukiendanga.
Personally, I don't stack all junk on offer, I set my mind that am eating one meal, period. Kama ni chapo nyama ni hivo, basi!

This guy ni kama hajawai kula vitu kaizi. He was standing between us in the line. Budda, jamaa scooped from every chaffing dish na sio eti kidogo kidogo, mpaka ikabaki sahani ndio ndogo.
He followed me to the table, put his food there and left, I thought he was looking for something, kumbe amerudi kwa line eti sahani ilijaa kabla achukue kuku fry. I almost stood up to follow him aache ujinga.

Umewai angalia mtu na ile jicho la kumkanya lakini hataki kujua! I took my food and migrated to another table, nikajifanya hata simjui. Surprisingly, he cleared both and at a very good speed, not to be left behind when everybody was through.

After the demolition, I went over to him, gave him two hundred shillings and told him to find his way back home, I pretended I had some business to sort elsewhere.
He has not called me since then, next time I'll not take him to town, sai anajua huko, aende mwenyewe, silly!
That was last Friday, I hope hayuko hapa kwa village, there has been an influx of new villagers of late, you never know.
Hehehe...umenimalisa mjamaa but I can never get embarrassed coz of what a male friend has done.
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Nattydread

Village Chief
#10
Within five mins he was done na hapo ndio vituko zikaanza!
Jamaa pulled from under his bed a stinking boiling sufuria of ugali. Yaani sijui alipika lini na akasoak hiyo sufuria, imekaa mpaka imeanza kuferment. He stirred the contents which included juala ya sukuma na mfupa to unleash the most unpleasant stench which could set your stomach running instantly. Akatoka nayo nje akaisplash huko, akarudi na sufuria na kutumbukiza kwa ile maji alikuwa ameogea ikabaki! Yack!
Woooooi! This is beyond peasant, and IMHO some people should be forcibly contained in their rural villages.
 
D

Deorro

Guest
#19
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D toa watu ushamba bana. Muite tu siku moja na umfundishe bwana. Hizi vitu sio kila mtu anajua.

lakini hapo kwa food hata mimi kuna wakati I went with my boss to some big hotel for lunch. Mimi huyo niko na njaa kuruka boss naye akajam ameshiba yet we have a whole table of food to ourselves na client amelipia. Nilisema kama mbaya mbaya na kuweka ile kiwango nataka na kumalizia na whiskey.
 

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