In primary school I had this classmate called Dan (not his real name).
Dan was also my neighbour. He came from a wealthy background. His dad had inherited over a thousand acres from his grandfather. Dan was a polite guy – very well mannered. I was a wild-card myself.
We scored the same grade in high school and joined campus. We pursued the same course. Three years later we leased some land from Dan’s father for farming. I had to pay fees – and CUEA isn’t cheap. Siku moja kwa shamba I met Dan’s uncle. He bitterly narrated how Dan dropped out of campus because of his heavy drinking. He had been to rehab two times and had recently attempted to fight his old man. I was in disbelief. That wasn’t the Dan I knew.
I met Dan shortly after that. He had put on some weight, but he was still the polite guy I knew.
After graduating campus I came across some girl from their neighbourhood. I heard her narrate how Dan’s mum had built Dan a house and even brought him a wife – only for Dan to beat the girl up and chase her away. The girl went and complained to Dan’s mum how Dan had refused to sleep with her. Dan was now the joke of the village.
That’s not how to raise a man. As a man, you walk the earth with your pride. And when that is lost, the rest is lost, too. You want to seduce a girl and marry her on your own terms. You want to walk around without fear or apology. You don’t want society chuckling behind your back. You don’t want to be the puppy dog who had an arranged marriage.
I don’t blame Dan for drinking.
(This post is not about Dan. It’s about masculinity).
I think the bigger problem has to do with ubonobo inherent in Africans. There is nothing wrong with giving your kids a headstart in life in my view. My plan inshallah is to gift my kids with apartments and cars right after college. At least pia hao waanze game 1-0 to their advantage.
There is what you just wrote that afflicts many a nywele ngumu families and then there is the paradox of Arab arranged marriages that seem to work 99.9% of the time. One of my neighbours, a Somali, who technically is an Arab, arranged a marriage for his son. The son was my age mate na alipewa nyumba na gari as his wedding present. Right of the blocks, jamaa anaongoza 5-0 against we nywele ngumu who have to hustle and even pay our way through college. By the time unanua mkebe yako ya kwanza na kaploti olepolos vide Sacco loans, muarabu anaingiza prime movers kadhaa kwa biashara yake.
true, but you fail to notice that when arranged marriages is the norm, then it doesn’t have much impact on your esteem.
Kind of like in societies where a boy’s first sexual experience is with a whore. There are countries that do that. But in some societies, paying for sex means you’re unable to get laid the natural way, hence the hit to your esteem. You enter brothels under cover of darkness.
I see you are my academic peer for your ability to emgage. @Yuletapeli kuja ona msee wa degree ya ukwwli. I hope you notice his ability to adopt an academic and scholarly stance when discussing matters.
