Experts in the house saidia

uwesmake

DRYFRY ARTIST
#1
TRUE STORY HAPPENED TODAY



As you all know , Uncle uwes and his three friends have a mancave in somwhere in embakasi , where we do our stuff away from nosy wives . sasa msiba imetupata and this is a serious story so kindly saidieni .

Yesterday all three of us where drinking at a place , ill have to bar the name to avoid all CSIs . so after several beers one of my friends got a 9/10 momo kidu 22 years kitu swafi , i was to be given an Ozil tomorrow coz we are never selfish in our circle and we are all momopreneurs . so after the drinks by 2 we all went our ways and the friend with the land whale went to sample the soaked drunk mammal .


So saa tatu the dude calls me , am dead asleep mama Clichy wakes me and i pick the phone . lets call him Otis , he is hysterical i cant understand a word he is saying , so i tell him to calm down and speak . he tells me he is trying to wake up the lady but she is not breathing ! wtf am like

'wacha ujinga , check the pulse '
' hakuna pulse , nishaangalia'
'umbwa double check '
,,,,,,,

'hakuna banaaaaa'


so i ask him walikunywa nini , ati only the Jameson in the fridge . but she was drunk alikunywa aje tena , ati she insisted .

i call baba Ljunberg , who is a gynae kwa faragha and explain the situation . he advises let him pick some gloves twende since its not far . we leave all our phones in the house we buy two pair of slippers at the shop and go on foot . we arrive but before disembarking we take off the shoes and wear slippers and before knocking on the door we wear gloves .

'ako wapi ?' asks mbuyu Ljunberg


we go into the bedroom the lady is naked (such a perfect specimen) on the bed , doc checks for a pulse and does some other strange things like putting his index finger in her arsehole , which in other circumstances would have been an exciting moment but now we are all panicking .

' she is dead ' comes out the scary statement , ' this girl has chocked in her own spite , kwani hukuskia akikohoa , boss kwani unalala lala aje kama ghassia @It's Le Scumbag ? '

' sasa nitafanya nini na mbona mumevaa gloves ' asks Otis
'tulia kwanza ' i say

we call his lawyer and explain everything he advises that we ( me and doc ) not to touch a thing and leave Otis in the house and wait for him at the shoping center . so we go to crow daddy and wait for him over a bottle of tusker .


The lawyer arrives after an hour and says its a tricky situation . Otis will have to report the case to the Police station accompanied by him although he will be behind bars pending postmortem/bail on tuesday


'but hajauwa mtu doc amesema ni choking ?'
'yes but lazima ikuwe verified ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, wacha nikunywe tot ya Jameson niendeleee btw imefanyika leo morning
 

M2Random

Village Sponsor
#7
Hakuna advice hapo. Kwanza wewe kuna texts kwa simu ukiambia msee akupee through pass. So tayarisha kuchunishwa sukuma :D:D Mnaonanga nikikunywa beer mnadhani ni mzinga za kariobangi siwezi afford. Ona sasa. Sad.

Next week kuna mtu atakuwa nyuma yako akikwambia "Tamu sana! Napenda sana!" As you await your 20 year sentence. Pole gathee
 
#10
TRUE STORY HAPPENED TODAY



As you all know , Uncle uwes and his three friends have a mancave in somwhere in embakasi , where we do our stuff away from nosy wives . sasa msiba imetupata and this is a serious story so kindly saidieni .

Yesterday all three of us where drinking at a place , ill have to bar the name to avoid all CSIs . so after several beers one of my friends got a 9/10 momo kidu 22 years kitu swafi , i was to be given an Ozil tomorrow coz we are never selfish in our circle and we are all momopreneurs . so after the drinks by 2 we all went our ways and the friend with the land whale went to sample the soaked drunk mammal .


So saa tatu the dude calls me , am dead asleep mama Clichy wakes me and i pick the phone . lets call him Otis , he is hysterical i cant understand a word he is saying , so i tell him to calm down and speak . he tells me he is trying to wake up the lady but she is not breathing ! wtf am like

'wacha ujinga , check the pulse '
' hakuna pulse , nishaangalia'
'umbwa double check '
,,,,,,,

'hakuna banaaaaa'


so i ask him walikunywa nini , ati only the Jameson in the fridge . but she was drunk alikunywa aje tena , ati she insisted .

i call baba Ljunberg , who is a gynae kwa faragha and explain the situation . he advises let him pick some gloves twende since its not far . we leave all our phones in the house we buy two pair of slippers at the shop and go on foot . we arrive but before disembarking we take off the shoes and wear slippers and before knocking on the door we wear gloves .

'ako wapi ?' asks mbuyu Ljunberg


we go into the bedroom the lady is naked (such a perfect specimen) on the bed , doc checks for a pulse and does some other strange things like putting his index finger in her arsehole , which in other circumstances would have been an exciting moment but now we are all panicking .

' she is dead ' comes out the scary statement , ' this girl has chocked in her own spite , kwani hukuskia akikohoa , boss kwani unalala lala aje kama ghassia @It's Le Scumbag ? '

' sasa nitafanya nini na mbona mumevaa gloves ' asks Otis
'tulia kwanza ' i say

we call his lawyer and explain everything he advises that we ( me and doc ) not to touch a thing and leave Otis in the house and wait for him at the shoping center . so we go to crow daddy and wait for him over a bottle of tusker .


The lawyer arrives after an hour and says its a tricky situation . Otis will have to report the case to the Police station accompanied by him although he will be behind bars pending postmortem/bail on tuesday


'but hajauwa mtu doc amesema ni choking ?'
'yes but lazima ikuwe verified ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, wacha nikunywe tot ya Jameson niendeleee btw imefanyika leo morning
This is some scary shit, like a scene from a horror movie. Nothing good ever comes out of making hanyahanyaring a side hustle. Nothing. Mimi nimeona wengi and it always ends up badly. You will have to be involved in the investigations since you co-own the 'den'. Na sasa your wives will know what you have been upto. If it is true bae, this should be a wake up call.
 

uwesmake

DRYFRY ARTIST
#11
On a serious note though, ombeni sana msikuwe mliteka kunguru after amewekewa mchele. It can be purely bad luck mlipata kunguru mlevi tayari. Autopsy itaonyesha mchele hata kama sio nyinyi mlimuwekea

chief sisi tulivaa gloves na slippers kwa hio nyumba hatawakiangalia camera za safaricom wataona alienda peke yake na dem . but daktari si amesema dem ali choke , sioni kesi hapo .
 
#13
This is some scary shit, like a scene from a horror movie. Nothing good ever comes out of making hanyahanyaring a side hustle. Nothing. Mimi nimeona wengi and it always ends up badly. You will have to be involved in the investigations since you co-own the 'den'. Na sasa your wives will know what you have been upto. If it is true bae, this should be a wake up call.
But hii ni bahati mbaya if true. I know of only one other person who went to sleep with a chick and she died. I know more people who have died from road accidents and even ugonjwa.

Its just plain bad luck
 

M2Random

Village Sponsor
#16
chief sisi tulivaa gloves na slippers kwa hio nyumba hatawakiangalia camera za safaricom wataona alienda peke yake na dem . but daktari si amesema dem ali choke , sioni kesi hapo .
Autopsy ikionyesha mchele beshte yako atafungwa. Guaranteed. My point is mnaweza kuwa mliteka dame ameshawekewa mchele hiyo mzinga was just a catalyst.
 
#17
But hii ni bahati mbaya if true. I know of only one other person who went to sleep with a chick and she died. I know more people who have died from road accidents and even ugonjwa.

Its just plain bad luck
Nakuona with my 3rd eye lending manly support. Hahahaha...I meant it always goes bad in many ways. It may not be death like in this case but could be marital breakdowns, financial ruins....
 

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