Forty days za Hustler

Sikulangi nyama. Be it red meat, white meat or multi coloured kama combat ya jeshi. Reason why? Let me take you a few years back. Nilikuwa naishi Naivas by then. Hustler wa kawaida, in that lakeside estate inaitwa Kihoto. Kwa Mukorino mwisho. Living in a single room mabati apartment posh enough to have a cemented floor.
Nikisema hustler I mean hustler or rather venye Mbusii husema, Sufferer. But kuna watu waliokolea life yangu sana kama Mama Njoki. Huyu mathe alikuwanga na Villa Rosa Kempiski fulani karibu hapo stage, offering all types of meals. Kwa mama Njoki ungepata hata pizza ukitaka. Tuache hizo kwanza.
Back to the main story. Nilikuwa Life member kwa mama Njoki, meaning its the place I took all my meals. Hata nilikuwa na shopping card ya huko. Ningekula hata bila cent coz I was trusted. Kiaje? We used to supply the place with assorted foodstuffs. From zile managu za kumea kwa sewage hadi nyama zimegongwa na gari, plus kuku zime die na shock kwa farms. Na hapo ndio story yangu inakuleta. Aa aa…kitanzi sasa!
It was one morning nikienda hustle ndio shetani aliamua kunipatia escort. Nimetoka kejani ngware, kubahatisha. I was on a two wheeled, cycling chopper, ye beshte yangu fulani wa kutoka Pungoma. Ndio huyo mimi direct hadi Villa Rosa. " katakata masikio ng’ombe na uweke stew". (Sorry nimetumia scientific name.It means maandazi mwitu, made from ngano ya kusiaga kwa local posho mill). Too bad supplier wa nyama alichelewa. Ikabidi nimekula ma capsules aka madondo.
Nilichangamkia breko yangu fashta fashta na kudandia chopper. Ndio huyo mimi, morale iko 10th floor. From the way I was cycling ungefeel the power of Mama Njoki. Kutoka town nikashika hii road ya Mai mahiu. Just before kwa Fai Amario na Factory yake ya Medusa moto moto, nikashika south lake road towards Oserian. A few metres ahead nikaona black and white stripes. Ki zebra kimenyoroka kando ya road. Nikasema Lords prayer na the grace combined.
Nili park, chopper nikashuka kucheki mzoga. Still oozing warm blood. Nikascan area iko clear. I was still thinking on what to do, when I saw Jakofu. He lived karibu hapo akichunga kondoo za Mzungu. Mzae wa miaka kama yote. When I whistled to alert him, ni kama alijua whats up coz alikam na njora.
We moved and prepared the mboga na nikapata gunia ya kubebea. Leo kwa Mama Njoki kutanukia. Hapa siezi kosa sow kadhaa. Siku imejipa. Jakofu helped me to load my luggage kwa bike na nikaondoka. Kumbe shetani ni passenger number one na sina copy.
Landcruiser ya KWS ikapiga horn. Kushtuka eti nicheki nyuma juu sikuwa na side mirror nikaskia nyahunyo inaland kwa mgongo yangu. I lost controll na juu luggage ni heavy, nikadunda. Nikaskia from the cruiser, “leta huyo poacher hapa”. Brother, sista mpenzi msomaji nilitembelewa ma nyahunyo 30 seconds nikaparara. Jamaa wakaniuliza “Kijana mbona unaua rasilmali”?. Nikajibu “ni njaa”. Makosa.
Jamaa wakaniuliza naeza kula nyama how many kgs and without knowing I answered “five”. Nikapewa dagger nikaambiwa nikate ile nzuri ya mafuta. All this time sina habari what, awaits me. Nikachonga steak ya mafuta saa sawa. Kama kilo tano hivi.
Nikidhani ni take away, jama akatoa ile rifle ya mbao, akachapa risasi kwa hewa na kuniwekea the hot muzzle kwa masikio. Nikanyamba kwanza. “Kijana tumekupatia 5 minutes ukule hiyo nyama ama ukufe!”. Ndugu zanguni, dada zanguni na nguni wengine wote, nilisiaga nyama kama ile ka kitu ya kuzungusha (sijui ndio meat mincer). I didnt know venye niliimaliza and uncountable nyahunyos escorted me as I ran for my dear life. Nikaskia risasi imepita kando ya masikio. Bike ya Wepukhulu ikabaki imeshikwa kama exhibit. Kufika kwa gate ya ploti nika feel dizzy. Wacha nianze kutapika! Nilitapika zebra mbili full zikiwa na ngozi, I dont know how. That was my last day with meat. By the way naskia mama Njoki aliolewa na msee wa KWS.

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:D:D:D:D:D:eek::eek: mama njambi ama mama njoki? Hekaya timam

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:D:D:D:D… Umenimada! ! Hilarious Hekaya. .

He he he he, nice Kekaya.

Hiyo hekaya iko chonjo boss. Kula shufa mbiri na uripe.[ATTACH=full]70448[/ATTACH]

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:D:D:Dendea slices kwa njoki you earned it akikata omba support from mama njoki

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msee hiyo heka iko tops! angaa ungewaambia wakusaidie na kafirifiri usherehekee un-barbecued yako kama M-Ethiopia:D:D:D:D:D:D

[SIZE=1]na by the way Kihooto si Estate ni slum…[/SIZE]

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Hahahaa :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

hahhah:D:D:D

boss… uwekwe senior villager na usiombe.

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Hehehe sijawahi cheka hivi… Hekaya iko timam sana.

Hekaya on point.

Brathe uko chonjo, ebu @Female Perspective patia hii kijana nyama akule tena.

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He he he he! Zebra Sushi.

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He he he! Very hilarious.
Hata ikikuta “wacū” shambani, it doesn’t mean it’s always good!
I swear nikimwaga unga kazini utaanza kula nyama tena!

hekaya of the year hii, nimecheka kwelikweli

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Nyama mbichi ama choma

[ATTACH=full]70449[/ATTACH] Wah!!! Hekaya na nusu hii. Kicheko namarisa mimi

@Okiya

waaa nimekupea likes zote ukuwe elder! hekaya on point. :D:D:D:D:D:D