I left the wash rooms and joined the meeting. The MC was already addressing the attendees and upon seeing me, told me to introduce myself. Okidi abruptly stood up and introduced me (I guess he has told them lies while I was away)
‘’This is Adeudeu. He works at the office of the ombudsman as an assistant communications manager’’ Okidi said.
Ombudsman? Me? What the ferk is ombudsman? A type of fish?
Everyone clapped and cheered.
Hitherto, I had not known what we were celebrating and I did not care. Goat meat is goat meat. After a while, a waiter came into the room with a washbasin covered in cloth. Aaaah, at last, food.
Okidi called me aside and asked me,
“Adeudeu, I need a boost , I could only afford fifty, if you have some cash hidden somewhere, itanisaidia.”
“Ni sawa, nina kamia mbili mahali lakini naeza kusort fifty ama mia” I said.
“Asante boss, thank you so much. I knew I could count on you.’’ He said, shaking my hand.
“Mia ni pesa kidogo sana usijali.” I boasted, winking.
He looked at me with big shiny eyes and smiled. He held my hand and dragged me to a seat, by the MC.
At this point I was starving. The appetizer had kicked in and I was actually in pain. The fundraising had started and guys were giving money. The MC removed the cloth from the washbasin and my stomach sunk even lower! There was no food in it. It was to hold cash!
Then it hit me!
There was no fucking goat eating!
I was the goat! And so was everyone in there!
We were there to fundraise for an aspiring MCA for a ward in God-knows-where!
The aspirant was seated two people away from me.
He was clad in a green (velvet) suit and a white shirt buttoned half way from the bottom, revealing a hairy chest and a golden chain that hung from his neck. He wore dark sun glasses and a clean shaven scalp. He has a moustache that completed his moneyed demeanor. The guy looked rich. But why is fundraising then?
Okidi stood up and said he had invited a few of his friends who could give something. He called out the first guy.
The guy gave 25k!
The next gave 40k
The next pledged 30k
I realized I am in the wrong crowd. There is no way I could fit that class. I started sweating. I had long forgotten my empty tummy since Okidi was almost calling out my name. I tried to shush him and signal him to stop so that we talk. He thought I was cheering him on. I even sent him a text but his phone was on the table beside the cursed basin. I tried to walk out but before I could reach the door, he called out
“Adeudeu wait!” I froze. I turned around slowly as he continued
“Finally, before I give my contribution, I call upon Adeudeu my learned friend. Please come closer so that Mheshimiwa can see you clearly.”
All eyes on me, I had no choice. I walked forward.I am extremely shy mbele ya watu.
Okidi then told me to announce the amount I was to give. He whispered, “ile yenye uliniambia, sema tu usiogope.”
I felt betrayed, I felt like trash, I hated everyone, I hated Okidi, I hated myself, I hated that fucking butcher at the entrance, I hated that waiter who brought the basin, I hated the restaurant’s owner. I hated the green piece of aspiring MCA sh1t.
In a low, broken, embarrassed, dejected, defeated and shrill voice I said,
“Mheshimiwa I offer to give one hundred”
There are times in a man’s life that their whole life flashes before them. They say it is before someone dies but mine flashed at that moment. I have been embarrassed before but never like this. I felt weak and sleepy. Yes I was sleepy, I gave up.
Suddenly I was startled by clapping. Yes, the goats were clapping. Wacha wanamme wapige makofi na vigelegele. Wacha Okidi anibebe hobelahobela. I was confused. In the confusion, I joined in dancing and whistling. The goats thought I said 100k. I wish I had known because I would have just run out and spared myself the embarrassment.
After we settled down, Okidi whispered,
“Uko nazo cash, kwa simu ama ni bank?”
“Boss mia ni peanuts niko nazo kwa mfuko.” I answered.
I reached in my trouser’s pocket (those tiny jeans pockets for coins or watches) and retrieved a crumpled two hundred shillings note.
“Unirudishie mia, sina fare”