Guest of the State

Sex & Relationships Hekaya
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Around the country in all major urban centers we have police stations, police booths and Chiefs camps. In this facilities we have not so big pleasant rooms known as CELLS. This is where any rightly or wrongly accused person is held as investigations to the alleged crime begin. If you are lucky maneno inaeza ishia hapo after TKK na kaa sio hivo unajipata kortini and onwards to prison if you cant raise the bond or fine.

Having lived in this striking and waterless nation for over four decades ive seen the inside of a few police stations na mungu ni mwema sijawai enda jela ama rumande, 90% of the time I was innocent na hio ingine makosa ilikua imefanyika, chukua kiti, keti paleee nikusimulie masaibu ya ndugu Meria akiwa chini ya ulinzi.

#1
1988, cant remember the month. Here I was going home from college at around 5pm inside a Nyayo bus nakufika hapo Guru Nanak hospital tukapata msako mkubwa wa wolia, walikua wanatolewa kwa all vehicles and being taken to pangani police station for vetting, in our bus kukatolewa wawili and the driver was given the all clear, lakini bus ikiondoka nikitizama inje we locked eyes with a cop and I felt a shiver down my spine hadi nyee zikashake na kumalaysia inside my stomach, akakimbiza bus akaishimamisha akaingia ndani na nikatolewa nje. Hehehe, Ngai! picture this scenario, I was tall, very slim, wearing a viscose flowered shirt, fiatu open and worst of all I had nywele ya makamasi. My goose was cooked. I found myself in a truck full of foul smelling foreigners na truck ilipo jaa mimi huyoo pango police. Msako ilikua inafanyika eastleigh yote and you can imagine the situation at the station. From the lorry tulikua tuna “cover” and hold that positon till you were called for vetting. As other guys were being brought in nikaona mimi leo nitalala hapa kaa sijitetei na mapema. I started talking kisap to one of the cops guarding us telling him am not wolia and that am a student, akaniuliza student ID and national ID of which sikua nazo but he was impressed by my sap akanirukisha line nikajipata kwa vetting panel at around saa moja ya usiku.

Niliulizwa maswali mingi in sap like kwetu ni wapi, neighbouring ridges, prominent people in the area lakini ile kitu ilifanya niachiliwe na niambiwe pole ni ile majibu niliwapa kwa zile proverbs za kikuyu walioniuliza, “Ndatema muti …………….” , “ kaihu gachangachangi ……………….” , “muremwo ni ndugo ……………” among many others. There was no way a wolia would have known the answers to all, only a pure blood. And thus begun my unfriendly relationship with cops. (#2 loading)

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2 ikuje hekaya on point

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Hehe…on point. I guess I have a boring life or I haven’t lived enough to be in the hands of these men.

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Hizo maswali waulize born tao kama mimi, nirushwe ndani, in Campo they reffered to me as Gikuyu-Shumari due to the texture of my hair. Hekaya iko point kama kawa.

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Hekaya Timam Meria. Harakisha hiyo ya Pili ama nitumane uwekwo ndani

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#2

1995 April. If you remember the Meria tales you can recall that at this time I was a part time bebabeba marikiti na job ikiisha huko I used to spend the rest of the day at my kibanda in Githu 45, nilikua nauza mashine za madame na fiatu, nikitoka marikiti I would pass by gikomba with my cheki maneno and buy a few items to restock my stall. Kazi haikua mbaya and every few days slices were being eaten bila huruma. This was at a cost coz I wouldn’t get paid for the item the slice giver took. The business was kept afloat by my bebabeba work, imagine ata siku hizo nilikua sikunywi.

On this ferked april day in 95 I arrived at my stall at around 1pm with my burungo and proceeded to hung the new items for display. (we used to joke with guys in the neigbouring stalls that nimetoka mpakani) hardly had I finished my task nikaskia nimeinuliwa juu juu na mkono iko na nguvu kaa ya ndovu, ata kabla niulize ni nini I felt the cold steel of handcuffs on my wrists behind my back na nikaketishwa chini on the dusty floor by four uniformed mean looking cops alafu wakaniuliza bunduki ziko wapi? Ustake jua the sense of relief that flowed through me, a few days earlier I had eaten the slices of a 16 yr old (after giving her her 1st bra) and I thought her dad had found out and unleashed the cops on me.

With feigned bravado nikauliza madansay (sheng for cops in those days) bunduki gani? Nikasimamishwa very roughly nikapekwa hapo inje ya stall nikaambiwa nisome nini imeandikwa hapo. On the fashier board kulikua kumeandikwa WE BUY AND REPAIR OLD GUNS na makaa. Jesu Mwathani! Nani alikua ameanitenda hivi? Nikaambiwa lazima nitoe bunduki zile niko nazo, my cries and pleas of innocence fell on deaf ears nikainuliwa juu juu tena kaa gunia and was bundled into a waiting Land Rover na hivo ndivo nilijipata Ruiru police Station. (Githurai was still young na police station yetu ilikua bado kujengwa) The cuffs were removed na nikaketishwa hapo inside OB bila fiatu na belt. Nothing about me was written on the big book, Jamaa wengine walikua wanaletwa wanaingizwa cell na mimi naachwa tu, around saa kumi nikaitwa nikapelekwa into an office where I found a senior looking cop, he listened to my story and after lengthy interogation set me free with a warning that I have to be a law abiding citizen na nisix na bad company. Kurudi Githu nilizusha ile mbaya looking for the Noogle who wrote that nonsense on my kibanda. Omba mungu nisikupate.

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@meria mara, hata Dodge Kiunyu (Son of Woman, Son of Woman at the Coast?) hafikii hizi experience zako.
Hekaya poa!

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umebonga mbonyo msee. meffi ya yokozuna wewe

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Bingwa wacha kusumbua

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No wonder tbt zako huwa on point keep the hustlin going on

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Hehe VS

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Small gonad syndrome

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Part 3, 4, and 5 coming up. Ngojeeni ni Park truck mahali safe

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Asante kwa hekaya

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:D:D

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Leta leta na umechapa bingwa sweep kiplani

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Hekaya Tibim

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kai wanaruona Wee… …thie nambere muthee

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Lakini wolia ni watu ngani mkubwa

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#3

1998 March 7th. Early morning, I wake up from a blackout to a myriad of smells in the man cave, stinky socks, vomit, pussy and acoho are just some of the smells my intoxicated mind could identify, there were bodies scattered all over the single room in various states of undress, radio was blaring out reggae at full blast. I did a head count and accounted for everyone, four guys, four slices, wengine kwa viti wengine kwa carpet na wengine including me kwa bed. we were all in but however hard I tried I couldn’t remember how we ended up in my “house”. All I could remember was dancing to soul music at Madhouse, nikaamuka, staggered round the bodies picked up a towel nikaenda kukojoa.

Kurudi ndio nikaona drink moja kwa glass on top of the table, nikaipiga bottoms up na macho ndipo ilifunguka nikaona the four slices vizuri, roho ikaanza kudunda and blood was pumped to the small head, what happened next is one of the reasons why I remember this date so clearly. To cut the long story short threshold ilifikishwa that morning, nilianza na slice ya my best friend, nilikua nimeomba slices for quite awhile na alikua amekataa, now here was my chance and I took it, dipstick ilipima oil kwa the three engines ambazo ilikua haijawai ingia, slice yangu sikuguza coz I suspected my buddies walikua washakula saa zile nilikua blackout. Come to think of it, ata kaa walikua wamechew blackout I could feel them respond and there was enough oil in the engine for lubrication.

After the insane act I lit a cigarette and lay back with a wicked satisfied grin on my face, iliokua imebaki sasa ni more beer, kwa nyumba there was not even a drop, then I remembered tulikua tumekuja na gari carhire, nikaenda kuitafuta huko inje kwa parking. Inside nilipata Tusker mbili tu which I swallowed greadily. Shetwani whispered to me akaniambia why don’t I go buy some more, seemed like a gd idea and off I went. Nikapitia Gateway bar nikanunua 20 beers instead of going home shetwani tena akanishow niende Githurai 44 nikanunue muratina ili watu wakiamuka party iendelee. Nilipita roundabout vizuri nanikaenda kwa murat joint which was close to the catholic church for those who know the place. Kupark gari kwa gate hapo saa hio made the ealy morning revelers take to their heels thinking it was a police raid to their den, but when they saw Meria they flooded back na nikanunuliwa vikombe kaa tano with warnings never to scare them like that again. Then nikabeba my drink in a 5 litre jerican and headed home.

Vile nilifika ni Mungu tu anajua na nikapata wageni wangu watatu wameamka, stori za kwani jana kulienda zikashika as we drunk the muratina. Vile wote waliamka dame mmjoja akasema hawes kunywa hio traditional brew aletewe tusker na hapo ndipo nilikumbuka about my hoard in the car. Nikaamuka kwenda kuleta like a gd host but God had other plans for me.

[SIZE=3](nimelewo, taendelea kesho wazito) [/SIZE]

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