Well I have. I almost got killed in Tanzania visiting my Dad’s place of work. The university was closed being December, I was bored senseless nikamua kutembelea mzee Tz. It was all nice and adventurous at first, I hitch hiked with the company oil tankers from city to city across Tanzania.
The problem started when I was coming back to Kenya. My Dad fixed me with a driver who was to take me To DareSalam, from there I was to take a bus to Nairobi directly. It didn’t go as planned at all. I got a very bad vibe from that Tanzanian Maasai driver from the get go. Kwanza he suggested I should not go with him in the tanker and would be much more comfortable taking a bus. I thought to myself fuck that shit there is no way I was requesting a bus ride at the risk of coming out as a complete sissy to my old man. So nikamshow am good we can go together. Halfway in to the journey this Masai Tanzanian motherfucker pulls over the oil tanker and calls some guys from across the road. They literally start syphoning from the oil tanker with some 20 litres jerrican. I am amazed by the balls of this driver, yaani unaiba mbele ya your managers son. Anyways they do their stealing, I kept my cool there was no way I was standing up against 8 guys in a deserted road.we don’t talk about this until 30 minutes pass by and he stops over and buys a machete from a road side vendor.
This is when it all hit me at to why this nigga did not mind stealing in front of me. Motherfucker was planning to off me for a few litres of petrol. I thought about how he could easily cover it as an attack by night bandits which was a normal occurance in that particular deserted road. We have a long nervous silence in the tanker. Like complete uncomfortable death silence.In that very brief period I thought about everything manze, I thought about my family, my girlfriend who I had not seen for over a month,how I was a cunt to my older sister growing up, how I could successfully fight off 2 armed guys, yaani life became so much sweeter. I was so motivated to do things that I previously thought were beyond my reach.
The driver breaks the silence he starts telling me that every driver practises such behaviour and it was completely normal so as to ease the journey. I knew this was the moment, my life probably depended on what I said in the next few minutes. I had to completely convince this driver and his assistant that I didn’t give a rat ass about the fuel they stole and the morals behind it. I over exaggerated how little I cared about it and even went on as far as commending them for looking out for themselves.
The motherfuckers were convinced and we continueed on our journey to DareSalam with little incident. Needless to say I snitched on the bastards once I was safe and sound.