Good afternoon motherfuckers!

Yesterday I visited a hospital because I was feeling unwell and was asked for stool and urine samples. I was given these small containers that is the size of those toothpick containers and tasked to return them with stool and urine samples. Urine sample, no problem. Just pee slowly into the container to avoid splashing and voila!

Stool sample. Now that's the shit (no pun intended). This was the first time I had ever been asked for my stool sample. So I go to the toilet and now I needed to figure out how to get the shit into the sample bottle. Ideas started ringing in my mind as I wondered how other people do this:

1. Do I shit on my hands then put it in the bottle?
2. Do I miss the toilet bowl on purpose then scoop with tissue paper and put in the bottle?
3. Do I shit on tissue paper the put in the bottle?
4. Do I try to shit directly into the sample bottle?
5. Do I ask for a funnel, shit into it and right into the container?

I didn't know how to go about the business. It was a shitty affair. I went back to the doc and said that I wasn't ready to shit and perhaps it would be best for me to bring the sample later. I'm still trying figure out how to do this and any help is welcome.

By the way, I decided to not eat seriously by eating spaghetti, carbage, minji (whatever it's English name), cucumbers and fruits. No way I'm taking a sample of black stool with tumbukiza and spinach to the doctor.

Advise please.

And now an image that is not random
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