hekaya: day @imei2012 quit team dry fry..............long read

Preamble …Today I feel like skinning some am at home so i decided to do a hekaya since am using bandos i decided to disconnect the modem type while offline and connect when i want to post to cut the long story i have just lost work worth 3hrs of typing :mad::mad::mad: so for the love of the village i will redo it again. Its been a while since i dropped a hekaya here but today @imei2012 is doing it and doing it big am not taking hostages and hold onto your seats coz this is gonna be one hell of a ride, the imei you are going to see here is a 360 degree turn from the one you know and hopefully by the end you will have learnt something. First off all i have noted with great concern the influx of so called new “villagers” who drop their half baked shit here that have no colour or substance that make @mabenda4 faces turn green with disgust while am at it am gonna show these villagers what a hekaya looks like. To the grammar Nazis feel free and have a field day correcting grammar since like we know it English came by Ship.

                  The Beginning...........They tell you join the army and know the world true to the saying i have around the beautiful country called Kenya and interacted with many wonderful people and places what they dont tell you is that you might die while at it! The Year is 2009 and am straight outta recruit training school in Eldoret and freshly posted to Nanyuki. Am young am wild am naive am stupid and loaded with money like shit am receiving full pay , no loans no family not married no girlfriend since the last one dumped my ass as soon as i was drafted guess she couldnt wait for seven months while i underwent basic military training without getting a climb and above all no responsibilities in short i was leaving the life that any young man would wish for. Those who know Nanyuki will tell you that back then it was a dry windy dusty town whose main economic activities were banks(Equity,standard and kcb and a pesa point ATM) numerous mpesa shops, bars and hotels and lots of whores from the slopes of mt kenya and laikipia plains. The economy of the town is fully built on the presence of military personnel both british and kenya, flower farm workers, tourists in transit and again lots of whores.


                 Wine, Women and War.............The stereo type of a soldier back in the 80s and 90s am gonna dwell on the first two Ws. At work there is a person called an Ordely NCO, now fellas this is the man you wanna be great friends with he is responsible for coming up with a duty roaster for the whole month both regimental duties and weekend standby. Being as cunning and calculating as i am i would buy this dude beer at our mess and in turn he would never put me on the weekend shift back in the old days beer at our mess cost ksh 55 for Tusker and Pilsner and ksh 60 for guiness so with ksh 1000 your weekend would be sorted how i miss the good old days! So one day came the weekend ya pay ie ile siku mshara inaingia on a friday afternoon and having taken care of my duty roaster man i knew i was set for the weekend. I didnt go to town on that friday rather drunk at our mess. Come saturday morning did some washing at the barracks took a shower dressed and headed to town.


                   Money the root of evil.................When i got to town i headed to my bank equity where to my surprise the line was long but i was patient for my turn back then the idea of m banking was not popular and the flower farm workers had also been paid, my bank being a mwananchis bank you can imagine the line at the atm coupled with only two working machines instaed of three. I withdrew ksh 10000 and decided to have some dry fry meat and sembe(luhya to the core) hapo Springfield hotel. After a sumptuous meal i decided to check out the bars and pubs. End month in Nanyuki is very hectic all the joints are full to the brim and i can bet my left nut that all the whores have already been taken or atleast huta pata a fresh one. From club quest to Nyakio, Checkers to Joskaki, railwaays to prisons, home pub to lions den were full or thei music was sucking. I settled on Nyakio now fellas this joint was rumoured to belong to the brother of the retired president kibaki's brother(the one who died) this joint never observes mututho laws hata ukienda monday saa mbili you will be served beer , this coupled with their pocket friendly prices and abundance of whores- their i go again me and whores but unlike @Kidinyi i dont fuck them just love their company :D:D:D:D:Dmakes Nyakio a choice for many revellers. I head there and its full to the brim the smell of a mixture of cigarettes,condoms and a stinking urinal hit your nose as you enter I say hi to Catherine the momo who sells upstairs as she finds me a table and gets me my favourite ice cold 1759 st james gate dublin guiness. There are lots of rungu wielding Shuka wearing samburus everywhere chewing miraa and mogoka everywhere(why are they allowed to carry assult weapons to a bar?:D:D:D still doesnt get it) apparently it was a market day and they had come sell their livestock and hence decided to engage in matters drinking and pleasing the flesh. A story is told of one samburu who had sold his heard of cattle and loaded with cash decided to take one of the girls of the night in nyakio she made sure that he was so drunk and passed out on waking in the morning the hooker had taken off with the whole money and had bought two huge padlocks and carefully attached them to each of the piercings in each of his ears such that he couldnt wake up:D:D:D:D I took two more guinesses and asked for my bill which catherine brought reflecting 4 beers while i had taken 3 since i was loaded i didnt mind she had a habit of adding a beer on my beer everytime i drank their ( dont worry she paid for it but she urinated in my house:eek: story for another day) I wasnt feeling the vibe their and an idea struck me that i should either go to Meru, Karatina or Nyiri.


                Its extremely dangerous for a man to think with his dick and not his head......................I fished for my phone and after carefull consideration i decided on Nyiri since i had no local contacts in the other two towns. I called my kyuk friend lets call him mike who hails from othaya and like me had no liking for weekend shifts and had gone home the previous evening ie on friday. He confirmed his availability and told me i would find him in tao. From nanyuki to nyiri costs roughly ksh 130 and its a journey of slighly under an hour. Nyiri is a beautiful place dotted with hills and green vegetation the long smooth winding roads gives you the impreession of a land of a thousand hills. The only downside of going to Nyiri is that you have to choke on the loud de mathew songs blasting in the mat and being talked to in the native language since its assumed all in the mat are "andu a nyuba":eek::eek::eek::eek: on arriving in nyiri i found my friend at the stage and he gave me a brief orientation of the town.


                  Make your bed so you must lie in it......................after sampling several clubs including white rhino,grean oak,banana leaf , coco pub and bells inn, we settled on bells inn now fellas back in the day( i dont know now) bells inn was to nyiri what tribeka is to nai, its ambience and theme and music was awesome and its revellers were young flashy monied lads with what seemed like stable jobs. We sat at the balcony overlooking what seemed a busy avenue(its name escapes me) we ordered for our drinks while we chatted about everything under the sun. whats was pretty sure to me is that it seemed in nyiri everyone knew someone since you could hear them greet and engage in chit chat both in the club and on the streets something like a small town. Now if you have been never to nyiri kindly plan that trip asap the town is lovely both in terms of the vibrancy and the daughters of mumbi. look at madam waiguru and you will know what am talking about and they come in all sizes 2gb 4gb 6 gb to my favourite 8gb and shapes heights and complexion, At this juncture I tell my friend that i have never climbed a daughter of mumbi He laughs at me and tells me that dont worry i am in good hands ile ya got ya back my niccur. He fishes out his phones and makes several calls speaking in the native language. After hanging up he confirms that his "cousin" will be joining us later, i have used quote unquote since i cannot independently verify if indeed it was his cousin:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:. 


                  The meet..................At around 7pm the woman makes her way to the club and locates where we are seated, now fellas if there a people who dont fuck around ile yaani ya kubeat around the bushes luhya style and they go straight to the point then i gotta give up to these kyuks:):):) As soon as she arrived mike stood up re arranged the table and made sure the woman was seated close to me, its like she told her on the phone that kuna mluhya hapa anataka mwanamke kuja haraka. The woman was a strong 7/10 according to the international fisi scale of weights and measures:D:D:D:D she had an ass and boobs and huge boobs, short hair and a mwanya or is it mapengo ie that gap between the two front upper teeth, she was not yellow yellow but kinda chocolate hihi hivi. she was knowledgeable and seemed well versed in all topics we discussed. After greetings and exchanging pleasantries i called the waiter at our table and requested here to place an order, she asked for a guiness 500ml cold just like mine:eek::eek::eek::eek: I was surprised but being the gentleman i am whatever she wanted thats what she got, my friend was drinking a smirnoff ice red what man drinks that? sissies:cool::cool::cool::cool:. We ordered for fried chicken which i took with sembe while they took the green stuff- another mystery i dont know why they love that! We continued partaking in products that "mututho doesnt want(stolen)" and making merry until around 2300hrs and i decided to call it a night after realizing we had gotten drunk. My friend called a taxi and we headed to green oak where i paid for a room godamnit nyiri is not cheap!!!!!


                   Choices have consequences ..................When we got to the room and the woman headed straight to the room where i could hear that she was throwing up now to all women kindly stay clear off Guiness this is a mans drink and i mean real men since other men cant handle it stick to gurana :D:D:D meanwhile am trying to dismiss my friend who at this juncture also wants a piece of his "cousin":eek::eek::eek::eek: i manage to convince him to leave which he does albeit unwillingly but not shaking me off 1k to "take a taxi".  The woman leaves the loo and passes out on the bed i go to the bathroom an find out she has left this huge dump in the loo that i had to flush like three times for it to clear:(:(:(:( i take a shower and soon also passes out on the bed yaani kubleki. Come morning the woman wakes up and takes a shower she is apparently embarrased and wants to make up she goes down on me and gives me to what i would call to this date the best blow job ever- apparently tthe women with mwanya are good at the blow job and those with knock knees have the sweetest ikus. I finger her ******insert matchette voice her******....imei doesnt go down on a woman. I put on a condom and proceed to pound that cat mercilesly . Now fellas if you have never banged a kyuk woman pack your shit and leave this thread ile ya gerrrraaaaaaah hia mayne:D:D:D:D:D:D however told you they suck in bed must have been high on glue ile ya chokosh style, I cant speak for all of them but this one definetely knew her way in bed. The pucci was warm, not tight and not too mtaro and was wet to my liking. She really did work on my back with her long nails and she scratched me so hard i was thinking i might look like a tiger or something and she was groaning so loud i had to cover her mouth with my palm as i bombarded her groin with merciless thrusts you would have thought it was an israeli operation on gaza.


            The sweeter the meat the closer the bone watch out for your teeth...........Ever heard of how kyuk women love luhya men then worry no more here is the plain truth, when a luhya man decides to plough a garden thats all that he is doing and nothing more that day was her day and she was really loving the tree she had cum or is it orgasm and she was begging me to follow suit, Now ladies and men here can confirm we men can cum or is it kumwaga at any time of sex we choose to elongate either to please you or wait up for you to cum. When i was done and breathing like Usain bolt after finishing that sprint in Daegu , I withdrew my tree to be confronted by a sight that i forever wish to forget every man worst nightmare  this is not what you would wish on your worst enemy hata @Jirani hawes takia @uwesmake  hii. In the heat of the moment my helmet had literally fallen off and i was riding this motorbike bila yaani the cd had burst  and rolled to the base of the tree kama ring on a finger :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:. The previous day i had bought kamasutra ultra thin cds at nakumatt nanyuki. Now this things are thin such that its like hakuna anything umevaa i had used them in coast and loved them but this day they let me down. .............................................................................

…part two coming soon:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:frowning:
DISCLAIMER

  1. This hekaya did not target any person,place,tribe or community and any semblance is highly coincidental.
  2. The views are of the author and do not purport to speak on behalf of any one.[ATTACH=full]18720[/ATTACH]
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mwenye atasoma aweke summary.

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in other news;
@Ka-Buda spotted somewhere
[ATTACH=full]18742[/ATTACH]

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nice one…

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nimefika quater nikawacha. huyu labda aandike novel KIE waiweke kuwa setbook

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Haiya

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Good one

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Nice flowing story…i read it all. Nyiri here we come

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waiting for part 2

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Please explain these sizes

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Very nice. Lakini kama CD nakwisha pasuka rukia mtu round twn unyanyue.
Great writing nevertheless.

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Naeka Nyiri na Nanyuki kwa bucket list sasa hivi.

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:smiley:

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Why the obsession with women and sex in this forum.How can grown ups discuss sex, women 24/7?

its gonna be explosive

guyz share what they are comfortable doing or better still if you got something interesting to share bring it up and we will changia

So 90% of guys here are comfortable just ferking around like brainless bonobos?

@Siwesmind most villagers would tell you am one non confrontational villager and i wouldnt want to start with you so am gonna pretend that i did not see that comment you just made

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Can you point out what you have contributed positively to this site.:mad::mad::mad:

[ATTACH=full]18749[/ATTACH]

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Nice hekaya.

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