Hekaya of kungurude

Acheni leo niwajenge ju kina @uwesmake wenye walikuwa wanaleta hekaya walitombwa sana wakapoteza akili… Sasa iko ivi, mimi on Friday I hire someone my old car anatoa za jaba za weekend so I use PSV to and fro office… Sasa Friday nikaenda nikapanda 33seater jioni nikitoka ofisi and like a normal gangster nikaenda pale back bench nikatulia… Ju ya kale kaFriday feeling, mimi nikatoa kiatu moja nikaweka mguu juu, nikavalia earphones na nikaweka kamix ka Stinger ka Best of @Addi Teacher na nikatulia… Kidogo kidogo kuma holder fulani akaingia gari… Nilikaonea mbali ju kalikuwa karembo fiti(sikuagi attracted na sura mbaya kama @uwesmake vile hukula vitu ugly)… Jamaa fulani pia ikaingia wakakuja wakajaza io kiti ya nyuma… Vile walikaa chini ndio niliona lazima wako pamoja… What was funny ni vile jamaa ilikuwa inakaa ovyo na ata ni chafu alafu kamalaya kako karembo na kamevalia kadress katamu… Walikuwa wanakaa wameboeka alafu kunguru ikafunga macho ni kama inajaribu kulala, nayo jamaa ikatoa simu ikakuwa busy kwa simu apo… Fare kuokotwa, jamaa ndio ilijipora apo macoins ikalipa fare ya wote wawili… Kuwaangalia tu it was evident that there was something very wrong with the couple… Ni kama @ChifuMbitika aka My Cousin na ule bibi yake kichwa gumu… Mimi niko good at minding my own business so I faced outside nikaendelea kuskiza tudancehall twangu… Safare kufika nusu, ndio niliskia nimeshikwa mguu… Ingekuwa ni mwanaume ako na umama kama @uwesmake angepiga nduru sana karibu ata arukie dirisha… Mimi gangster naye niliturn tu pole pole kuangalia shetani ameingia gari aje… Kugeuka napata kunguru imeinama chini ndio imenishika mguu… Nikashindwa kwani hii nayo imechizi… Nikaona imeokota coin chini alafu ikainuka kiasi… Kumbe ilikuwa imejifanya imeangusha coin ndio ishike attention ya huyu jamaa handsome and smart(me)… Kuinuka kiasi ndio akaface-isha simu yake kwenye niko… Kumbe kambwa kameniandikia number… Apa nikaona kumbe sijai wacha kuwakunywa ju mtaani nayo girls watch me like a stage show and ask me, “Teacher how you stay so??”… Mimi nikaandika number na nikaflash kakapata yangu… Kakanitext, “Nitakutext nikiachana na huyu fala”… Apo ndio nikajua kumbe jamaa ni type ya @Agwambo :D:D:D… Tulishukia gari place moja nikaona kumbe kako tu hapa around… Tukaachana without a word… On Fridays mimi huchukua nyama, jaba na take away naenda kanashikia mancave and this Friday wasnt any different… Kufika tu kejani vile nimekula kanyama yangu na sembe na nikaweka Reggae nikaanza jaba, naangalia simu napata kambwa kalishanitext kitambo… Apo nikajua kumbe @Agwambo ata hakukadinya… Tukaongea na kakasema katakam… Since ni ka huko tu around, nikakaelezea kwangu kakakuja adi kwa mlango… Mimi nikasukuma tu kajaba yangu kakunguru nako kakaitisha glass kakafungua ile take away kakaanza kuinyonya… Tukachapa story apo adi kakanielezea vile @Agwambo wanted slices but he is one hell of a boring silly man and he isnt worth her pussy… Hapo ilibidi nimecheka kiasi ndio huyu @Agwambo wetu akakuja kwa akili… Ikafika masaa fulani ya saa tano uko apo ndio story zikapungua kakunguru sasa kakaanza kunilalia… Nikaona kashaanza kuharibu jaba sasa na ndio imeshika poa ikabidi nimetema… Tukasuma kadrink apo kunguru ikinishika shika ikiwa imenilalia… Masaa sita ivi ndio sisi hao kitandani… Hio kuma nilirarua adi asubuhi wasee… Weak men like @Wanaruona claim that threshold isnt real… I went past that ju nilitandika kitu shot kama tisa ivi adi kunguru akakubali hajawai pata dickmatizeshen kama hio… So homosexual @T.Vercetti now you know threshold IS REAL… Asubuhi kakaunda breakfast tukakula kakaenda zake… Vitombi kina @kanguthu ningewapea through pass lakini nilidelete number na nikazima hio line ju Saturday nilikuwa napatana na cousin yangu fulani napanga kuoa na sikutaka kanisumbue… Like I said nilifukuza bibi ju ya kugawa(hii hekaya ndio inakam next ju @ChifuMbitika huwa ameingoja sana ndio ajue kudeal na bibi yake sumbua)… Nikiwasha kanipigie simu pass itakam…

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To you

napatana na cousin yangu fulani napanga kuoa…nilifukuza bibi ju ya kugawa …Unafukuza kunguru juu ya kugawa uoe cuzo yako, isokei isorait…

Elder whats wrong with that??
Alafu its not how you putting it… Its the other way round… Naoa cousin ju nilifukuza kunguru

The most astonishing thing I read is that you are marrying your cousin.

Chifu unafaa huattend hii ruracio utuletee hekaya on the modalities, how do u pay dowry to your fellow family members?

Why is it astonishing??

Cousin hufai kulipa mahari

prisons choir tukutane hapa nyuma.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0sZ8BE2Fkc

Story of giants.

:D:D:D:DThis is funny but the hekaya is very true

Quite intriguing

Quite intriguing

Wait the fvck now, you are wedding your cuzo? Wewe ni waria, borana, rendile, somali?

Am 100% okuyu

if so, marrying your cuzo=siz is a shitty fvcked up situation. But just another thought, ni distant or close relative?

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7tk6xKUxWPQOYgSTiIF_cHEsNqA_O9tb1fQ&usqp=CAU

My mom and her mom are sisters

Holy shit!