Helicopter Parenting

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[SIZE=7]The Bad News About Helicopter Parenting: It Works[/SIZE]
New research shows that hyper-involved parenting is the route to kids’ success in today’s unequal world.

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[SIZE=1]Credit: Wren McDonald[/SIZE]
https://static01-nyt-com.cdn.ampproject.org/i/s/static01.nyt.com/images/2018/05/04/opinion/pamela-druckerman-circle/pamela-druckerman-circle-thumbLarge.png
By Pamela Druckerman
Contributing Opinion Writer
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[li]Feb. 7, 2019[/li][/ul]
I recently met a Texan couple whose son was still in diapers. They were angling to get him into a preschool that feeds into a private preparatory school with a great record for college admissions.

The couple were ambivalent about doing this. They were from immigrant and working-class backgrounds, and had thrived in public schools. In theory, they believed that all children should have an equal chance to succeed. But I suspected that if they got their son a spot in the preschool, they’d take it. These days, such chances are hard to pass up.

It’s a familiar story. Psychologists, sociologists and journalists have spent more than a decade diagnosing and critiquing the habits of “helicopter parents” and their school obsessions. They insist that hyper-parenting backfires — creating a generation of stressed-out kids who can’t function alone. Parents themselves alternate between feeling guilty, panicked and ridiculous.

But new research shows that in our unequal era, this kind of parenting brings life-changing benefits. That’s the message of the book “Love, Money and Parenting: How Economics Explains the Way We Raise Our Kids,” by the economists Matthias Doepke of Northwestern University and Fabrizio Zilibotti of Yale. It’s true that high-octane, hardworking child-rearing has some pointless excesses, and it doesn’t spark joy for parents. But done right, it works for kids, not just in the United States but in rich countries around the world.

The authors explain that when inequality hit a low in the 1970s, there wasn’t that much of a gap between what someone earned with or without a college degree. Strict parenting gave way to an era of “permissive parenting” — giving children lots of freedom with little oversight. Why spend 18 years nagging kids to succeed if the rewards weren’t worth it?

In the 1980s, however, inequality increased sharply in Western countries, especially the United States, and the gap between white- and blue-collar pay widened. Permissive parenting was replaced by helicopter parenting. Middle- and upper-class parents who’d gone to public schools and spent evenings playing kickball in the neighborhood began elbowing their toddlers into fast-track preschools and spending evenings monitoring their homework and chauffeuring them to activities.

American parents eventually increased their hands-on caregiving by about 12 hours a week, compared with the 1970s. Dutch, Spanish, Italian, Canadian and British parents ramped up their child care, too. (In Japan, hyper-involved mothers are known as “monster parents.”)
Not all the changes were rational. When some parents learned that talking to toddlers helps to develop their young brains, they began monologuing at them constantly.

But for the most part, the new parenting efforts seemed effective. Dr. Doepke and Dr. Zilibotti can’t prove causality (to do that, you’d have to randomly assign parenting styles to different families). But when they analyzed the 2012 PISA, an academic test of 15-year-olds around the world, along with reports from the teenagers and their parents about how they interact, they found that an “intensive parenting style” correlated with higher scores on the test. This was true even among teenagers whose parents had similar levels of education.

It’s not enough just to hover over your kids, however. If you do it as an “authoritarian” parent — defined as someone who issues directives, expects children to obey and sometimes hits those who don’t — you won’t get the full benefits.

The most effective parents, according to the authors, are “authoritative.” They use reasoning to persuade kids to do things that are good for them. Instead of strict obedience, they emphasize adaptability, problem-solving and independence — skills that will help their offspring in future workplaces that we can’t even imagine yet.

And they seem most successful at helping their kids achieve the holy grails of modern parenting: college and postgraduate degrees, which now have a huge financial payoff. Using data from a national study that followed thousands of American teenagers for years, the authors found that the offspring of “authoritative” parents were more likely to graduate from college and graduate school, especially compared with those with authoritarian parents. This was true even when they controlled for the parents’ education and income.

The benefits aren’t just academic. In a British study, kids raised by authoritative parents reported better health and higher self-esteem. In the American study, they were less likely to use drugs, smoke or abuse alcohol; they started having sex at older ages, and they were more likely to use condoms.

So why wouldn’t everyone just become an authoritative parent? Religious people, regardless of their income, are more likely to be authoritarian parents who expect obedience and believe in corporal punishment, the authors found.

Working-class and poor parents might not have the leisure time to hover or the budget to pay for activities and expensive schools. And they may rightly feel that they need to prepare their children for jobs in which rule-following matters more than debating skills.

Those who can afford to helicopter are probably making things even more unequal for the next generation. As with the Texan couple, this doesn’t always match their political beliefs. In the “Hidden Tribes” survey published last year by the nonprofit group More in Common, respondents who valued self-reliance and creativity in children — staples of both authoritative and permissive parents — were more likely to have voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016. Those with more authoritarian views on parenting were more likely to have voted for Donald Trump.

Since there’s apparently no limit to how much people will do for their kids, the prognosis for parenting doesn’t look good. Yet another reason to elect people who’ll make America more equal: We grown-ups can finally stop doing homework.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/07/opinion/helicopter-parents-economy.html

Ile Iko kenya ni helicopter campaigns :slight_smile:

Sad. Wise parents wanaelewa hii game sana, as they bestow their kids a head-start in life. Failure to motivate your kids to some sort of excellence, usually academic, can really screw up your retirement plans.

Permissive or hands-off parenting is a disaster. It has created lots of ‘loser’ kids and adults in society.

sasa,shida ni ati midorcrass ya hapa kwetu wameeka standards ati kupenda mtoto is when you pamper them.Kuna mwingine(around 4-5yrs) niliona kwa banking hall anavuta mamake nguo hadi suruali inaonekana ati anataka wakanunue kindajoy.the mom bado anamwambia “aki woishe babah wacha…aki pliz beby stop”…kihee ata haungesema ni yeye anaambiwa ni makelele tu na shouting at the mother.aliposhindwa akampea sh.100 note but wapi kihee anasema not enough…akapewa 200.Sasa kwa next seat(sikuhizi bytway uku banks tunaketi tunapick service ticket:cool:),kuna an elderly ldy alikuwa ameketi hapo,aligrab uyo mtoi akamwambia “kalisha MATAKO hapa na uwache kusumbua mama yako”…kumbe kid ni kasofti tu ni vile ashtuliagwi home.alikunja mkia kakatulia.the mshosho took the 200 sh. note akamwambia hadi aseme pole kwa mum ndio atarudishiwa.nilikuwa naskia kupiga makofi

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Solskjaer knows his rank in society na anajua ile Kiboko tunampatianga awezi Lete upuzi…

[SIZE=7]this is what got most AFRICAN kids hyper-involved in success with [SIZE=7]academic[/SIZE] excellence,in today’s unequal world.[/SIZE]

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@Purple rudi nyumbani aki:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D,this developed world ideology is why kids in murica are disrespectful to their folks…and the reason why the folks get dumped in old folks home coz some silly arse parent is scared of their own damn kid.My son is careful coz he knows that if he ever tries me and i catch him,i swear to a higher being,i will try and kill his arse same way my dads’ dad and thier dads before did to their kids. No time out,but a good 'ol wipe out:cool::cool::cool::cool:

ati research? the only research i know ni “enda tafuta kiboko”…

Mtoto needs an alpha father ndio amfunze ,three important things ,1) how to interact with himself ,2) how to interact with the world na 3) how to choose a career / business ya kunukisha kitunguu latter in life ,hii mambo ya games apana tambua.

@Boss lady kama number one fan wako, najua uko na superb parenting skills. Lakini ata tukiongea, ningeomba unitumie dollars pale western union. Peasantry imetuskuma sana huko route 102 tukiwa na @Firefigher
Best Regards

hii helicopter parenting ni wazazi wako ndani ya helicopter ama ni watoto?

Wazazi ndio wako kwa ndege wanafuata mtoto kila mahali anaenda.

ooohhh,okay

kwa nini nikiskia helicopter naonanga tu RUTO ? :meffi::meffi::meffi::meffi:

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Hardly a month after starting this thread, has s massive college scandal broke out in the US. This is now hellicopter parenting on steroids! Ironically, the education system in Kenya is de-emphasizing academic achievement when wealthy families across the globe are doing the opposite!

[SIZE=7]What wealthy parents do to get their kids into elite colleges (legally)[/SIZE]

(CNN)For many people, the most surprising part about the revelations that wealthy parents — Hollywood celebrities, fashion designers, CEOs, lawyers and doctors — paid to get their kids into college by cheating on tests and faking athletic records, was that these families didn’t get a leg up through legal channels available to those with money.

“Lots of parents throw money at it, that’s nothing new,” says Jill Shulman, who has been working in college admissions as a coach, teacher and evaluator for 20 years. “Alums will throw a big event when the president comes to town. They’ll meet with their contacts at the school, they become donors. None of that is new. But the level of this scandal is a symptom of helicopter parenting on steroids.”

Admissions based on donations — while not necessarily illegal — often aren’t considered ethical or fair either.

But with an ever expanding landscape of college test prep companies, academic tutors, personal sports coaches and college admissions consultants, the family with resources can often improve their child’s odds of acceptance, without running afoul of the law.

For some, the answer is to pay a college consultant — which William Rick Singer, the alleged ringleader of the college admissions scandal, presented himself as — in order to match their child with an institution.

At H&C Education, a college application consultancy based in New Haven, Connecticut, a full-year program for a student — including high school course selection, extracurricular development and test tracking — is $15,000, says co-founder Pierre Huguet. The actual test prep classes are extra. Some families begin working with them as early as the student’s freshman year of high school.

Huguet hopes this scandal will draw a clearer line between what is acceptable and what is not in the admissions process. “Some parents think they can buy their child a place into top schools,” he says. “We have had clients who want us to write the college essays. Who want us to place them. That’s not what we do.”

While his firm offers a premium service, they are hardly the most expensive option, he says. Some range from hundreds of thousands of dollars up to more than a million, says Huguet.

Court documents filed by the college consultant Ivy Coach, revealed that the company charged a parent $1.5 million to assist her child with applications to 22 top colleges as well as seven boarding schools for high school.

Many parents already pay thousands of dollars for test prep programs for their children. Industry leaders like Kaplan Test Prep, The Princeton Review and Khan Academy once had the space to themselves, but now dozens more companies — like Noodle Pros, which offers personalized and one-on-one tutoring starting at $200 up to $550 per hour — are emerging.

“There are two problems with test prep,” says Neill Seltzer, chief executive officer of Noodle Pros. “The first problem is that it works, the second is that it costs money. We’re aware we’re creating an advantage for those who can afford it.” He says the company prides itself on paying trained tutors well and works to mitigate the advantage by providing pro-bono tutors for underprivileged kids as well.
Along the way, parents could place a bid on school fundraising auctions where other parents are offering internships or opportunities. At CharityBuzz, anyone with the money can buy an internship or a one-on-one meeting with an array of entrepreneurs or artists — and it may be tax-deductible, too.

[SIZE=5]The process has already started by kindergarten[/SIZE]

A “sad crime of desperation” is how Matthew Fraser, who runs a college test prep camp, described the allegations in the Operations Varsity Blues admissions scandal.

“These parents could have taken a fraction of the resources they paid to get their kids in and worked with a writing teacher to improve their writing,” says Fraser, who runs Education Unlimited, a college test prep camp. “Not only is the student better prepared to take the tests, but they also write better papers in all their classes.”

His company trains students in test taking, essay writing and interview techniques, starting at around $5,000 for an 11-day session. Or a student could go on a six-day college tour (East or West Coast) where visits to up to 20 different colleges are offered for between $2,800-$3,400.

Fraser says parents are seeking to develop these skills in their kids earlier. “Now we start in middle school and before and, step-by-step, develop the skills of the students over several summers.”
The program now offers 15 different kinds of academic achievement programs starting in the fourth grade.

Yelena Shuster, a college essay writing coach who works as The Admissions Essay Guru, says the pursuit of excellence can start even before kindergarten. It begins with private day care, private primary schools, she says. Then there are the private tutors for kids as young as 7 years old. Devoted college prep comes next.

“There is a whole consulting industry where advisers will help them find things that look good, so they have the best shot at getting in,” Shuster says.

Many of the kids she meets with, she says, have already started picking up extracurricular activities that they’ve been told will look good on a college application.

“They will write the essay about a service trip in Guatemala to help fund an orphanage with their parents’ money,” she says. “It was a joke.”
But Shuster acknowledges that all the extra effort often works. Her own family did not have the money to pay for consultants or prep camps when she was applying to college a little more than a decade ago. She ultimately attended Columbia University, but not before reading every book and website about the best ways to get into top schools on her own.

“I remember the anxiety I felt to get into a great school,” she says. “I understand why the admissions industry has gotten out of hand. It feels like there is this one key to a lifetime of success. And parents can feel it’s the one thing that will ensure their child’s success.”

And many parents may feel it is their last grasp at control over their kids’ lives and have a hard time letting go, Shulman says.

If your whole purpose as a parent is to get your child into only one of those top 8 colleges, she says, you have a parenting problem.
Shulman, whose book “College Admissions Cracked: Saving Your Kid (And Yourself) From the Madness” will be published in August, says that the parents accused of participating in the college cheating scheme came by their anxiety honestly, even if their actions were dishonest.

The amped-up competition to get into college is everywhere.
“That is truly impossible to ignore. If you get caught up in it, you’re normal. It takes a strong person to not let it get the better of you.”

https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/13/success/college-admissions-parents/index.html

All these problems started when human moved from clan based families to basic nuclear families. This took place during the industrial revolution as men moved to cities for work. Today a couple puts all their hope in their child(ren) which means more pressure on the young ones. Back then the clan gave children more flexibility to learn from diverse family members. The parents at old age had the entire clan to look after them.