Home and Away

After netting my village queen who happened to sleep in their kitchen, a small thatched hut with a partition separating the fireplace cum bedroom and the goats/sheep pen, I set out to bring her to my simba for a very serious coitus at night. Outside, there was this hand woven movable chicks shelter where chicks are hidden during the day from the marauding eagles. I don’t know how this thing is called but kikwetu tunaiita otete ama aduda. Strange enough, hii boma haikuwa na doggy hata moja. My cuzo whom we shared with my simba, pia alikuwa ameangukia dame that very same night but yeye alikuwa alale kwa kina dame coz the family was attending a funeral somewhere so there was no risk sleeping over. So kila mtu akashika njia zake akaenda.

My bae was the first born in their family so fetching her was like a walk in the park, there was nobody to restrain her or to keep an eye on whatever was happening after supper.
So I threw the first stone and waited, no response. The second one, no response. Nikaamua kuruka fence ili nirushe direct into the hut. There’s this space between the wall and the roof, nikaokota kajiwe nikaingiza mkono hapo nikarusha moja nikarelax. No response. Nikaanza kusurvey boma sasa, something was not right here. So I came to the front of the hut to inspect the door and check on the main house too. I touched the knob, it was locked from inside so I stepped back and stood there, very carefree, presuming this girl had already slept which was unusual coz of the impending night vigil.

Kumbe, her cousin had been told of our sexcapades and had laid an ambush. He was hiding inside this ‘otete’, monitoring my every move. This girl knew of this trap but she couldn’t tip me coz alijua ukiwa too late pia na zamu hizo hakukuwa na phones.
Suddenly the guy jumped out of his hideout and shouted, “leo nimekupata, mwizi wa kuma” (in mother tongue). Startled, I jumped and shot off, nikaanguka a few feet to the fence, crawled faster faster nikaingia mitini, literally. Huyo jamaa pia alikuwa muoga hakunikimbiza past the fence. Dejected, I walked back home to try and torture myself to sleep. Mission aborted.

I was woken by loud persistent knocks at around six. Askari wa chifu walikuwa wamenikujia na kamba, they roughed me up and tagged me along though nilikataa kufungwa na hizo kamba zao. At the back of my mind I knew that the last night incident was the reason coz the girl was a form four student. I didn’t ask questions, tukaenda tu. Surprise, surprise. Cuzo ndiye alikuwa ameshikwa kule kwingine, ndethe. The idiot in his fisi mode excitement, removed all his clothes and left them a few metres from the door under a tree. He later hilariously told me he was in the right attire for that particular war, very silly. Aliingia tupu tupu, bila chochote. Since nobody was home, they fucked until late and when they fell asleep, they slept like the idiots they were. Must have been very tired coz he was boasting eti he gave her ‘one week’, that’s seven nil.

A neighbour who was passing within the compound noticed the clothes plus the shoes and kofia. Curious, she alerted her husband who came and found my cuzo dead asleep with his sweet heart equally in her birthday suit. What was funny was that my cousin had a very big mjuols and when the eye witnesses described what they saw, you could laugh through the circumstances. Eti that rod had whitish substance like an exfoliating snake, yaani the juice wasn’t wiped and dried on the rod, you could peel it off like the layer you find from karai ya ugali ‘mathatha’.

Why was I arrested, eti partner in crime. What followed at the chiefs camp is a hekaya for another day.

:D:D:D

:D:D:DHekaya zako ziukuwa on point.

:D:D:D
hekaya noma.

:D:D:D
Hizi hekaya zako rural nyanza ni moto sana. They give a vivid description of what a rural boy goes through growing up. Ingekuwa cendral your cousin angeng’olewa makagary

Wah, hii imenimaliza.
:D:D:D:D

Makagary :D:D:D

I have translated ‘mwizi wa kuma’ in okuyu and i can’t stop laughing :D:D:D:D

Hii ni noma my friend nacheka watu kando wanashangaa ka nimechizi

na sasa hii mambo ndio umepeleka pwani ?

:D:D:D budda these things happened two decades ago

Ooooooh ! you had real life bro

:D:D:D…imeweza.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D great hekaya.

enyewe ii hekaya ni seven nil, i mean one week

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Eti mwizi wa nini? :D:D:D:D:D good one.

:D:D:D @Mr. Anyango come see you have been exposed by your Cousin.

Hekaya swafi. Good twist towards the end

Mwizi wa kuma aka pussy thief aka Jakuo mar chundi

Hehehe