How I discovered nailing cheap Nyap hapo downtown

I came to Nairobi in the start of 2013, I had just graduated with a diploma from one of the institutions in my home county. Early in December 2012 I was interviewed for some sales job in Nairobi and I was lucky to be among the chosen few. January that year 2013 I was reporting to my new job and I had to stay with my Aunt for a while before deciding to move out.

My Aunt was staying in South C and I have to say that she and her husband were kind to me, together with her two children. So come January I started my new sales job for a Mombasa road based company. I never spent much on fare and sometimes jioni I would just walk from work to home. Things were moving on well, I enjoyed quality meals at my aunts’ place, hot shower, big bed 6*6. She never even asked me to contribute anything since they had more than enough.

Early that year before leaving my home county I also broke up with my village girl knowing that I was coming to the city and I stood a chance of meeting high class Nairobi chicks from South C. I have to admit kukatia hawa madem wa South C was not easy at first, they were flashy, they had big samsung phones, beautiful scent, and most of them were driving these small vehicles that zinafanana na kiatu ya mtoi (vitz)

Saturdays I was not going to work and I used to get bored especially when there was no Arsenal game. I used to go to town and hang hapo National Archives watching how Nairobians behave. One day I was in town and nilikuwa nikizurura only to find myself in river road, I hated the environment and decide to walk again toward Moi Avenue. I used Luthuli Avenue to go back. While walking along Luthuli, I saw some board that read “Kitale Hotel and Accommodation” I thought it was for those travelling to Kitale, where they could book for vehicles and eat meals.

I decided to climb that stairs going upwards with the intention to maybe drink chai na samosa because I was feeling hungry. kulikuwa na Soldier hapo and he frisked me before entering. On entering, what I saw almost scared me to death, there was a parade of women and four of them jumped to me saying “twende shot”, I got confused and started breathing heavily. One of them pressed herself hard on me and at that point mboro was bulging vinoma. I told them to excuse me to drink before coming back but she told me “ukikunywa mboro itashindwa kusmama, twende shot kwanza, ni soo mbili tu na room ni 150”

I finally managed to shrug her off and enter the room. Inside the room was full of guys drinking Tusker, chewing miraa, and smoking, most of them relaxing with mapoko. Then waiter aka come and I ordered for Tusker baridi. Inside there, I had positioned myself where I could view those pokos along the corridor. There was one who caught my attention, she was short, brown, mwili ndogo, and figure 8, alikuwa amevaa nguo ya Man U AON, she was also quiet, and I said quietly to myself that If I have to ferk today, then it is this one.

It was getting late and had to return to my Aunt’s place before 7PM, so after finishing my bottle of Tusker I walked to the loo to pee, on my way out to my amazement this figure 8 lady wispered to my ears “twende shot”, I agreed and tukapanda stairs after paying for the room hapo kwa counter na kupewa tissue na CD… Hiyo nyap ilikuwa tamu sana. With time I continued to visit hizo base, sometimes nigeenda Rico ama Amar until I stopped after finding a girlfriend hapo South C

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02001/kyle_2001980c.jpg

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Hio coomer ya mashambani imekuja nai jana na inaongea Jana vibaya on my thread. Ghasia, fungueni Kenya talk ya county.

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For some reason I av neva liked kitale, same as somerset na relax pub…hizo zingine huwa sawa kwangu

wachana na mimi

Yeah true kitale is filthy and the structure is not well made

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sadly haikuwa kwa menu ilibandikwa hapo kwa wall, so I never asked, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself

7pm kwani kulikuwa na state of emergency?

unajua tu wamama na uoga, especially wadosi

KushMnono kama nguruwe na makende ndogo kama ya chawa nashuku wewe ni Kipii kulingana na venye una behave

2013? How old are you…? You sound mtoi kama hiyo gari umeita kiatu ya mtoi… Ngai fafa! I can bet you don’t even own a wheelbarrow… Plus 7:00pm you had to be indoors?

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I was about to insult you but kuona ulimaliza shule 2013 nikaona is not worth it. ION wewe ni ghasia, mazapaka

who had lost her? Villager uko na shida ya kufikiria kwa kikwenu halafu unaandika kwa kizungu…

Wee boyii, Im ua uncle and im disappointed. Utarudi kitale leo leo hulali nyumbani tena

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Najua wewe ni mzee, that’s why wewe ni moto wa kuotea mbali

:D:D nilishahama 2014 siku hizi najikalisha pekee yangu na kujilipia rent lakini maneno ya kitale niliwashana nayo

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Watu wa kukam… Karibu Nairobi

@gashwin you fucking grammar nazi nacheka tu :D:D