How i Nearly Died Because of a Somali Pussy in Garissa.

Long hekaya alert, Msijali its my first,
It was years ago under Kibaki’s reign , I had just finished High school and one had to wait nearly a year for University placement by the govt.
I had just finished doing computer packages when my flashy young uncle working for the UN came to visit, he convinced my parents he would hook me up with a job as I waited for uni placement. He convinced them Garissa was safe for the UN staff , the insecurity was only near Daadab and Ifo refugee camps near the border.

Anyway, since I would be based in Garissa town , I readily packed my things. I wanted the adventure .We left the next morning in a UN registered Land cruiser.
I loved the trip , Garissa is a 5 hour trip from Nrb, the road is tarmacked ,not what I had initially expected.The only problem was the sweltering heat.

My uncle worked in Daadab and sometimes at their offices in Garissa or Nairobi, he was constantly on the move.
He had rented 2 bungalows, one in Garissa’s bulla South c and another in Madogo on the other side of Tana River in case Garissa erupts.

I had keys to both houses and an old Prado to use as my uncle told me to wait for kitu 2 weeks as he took care of my job application.

Kizungu kando, wacha ni wapee hekaya , Uncle akaniwarn Garissa iko under some sort of Sharia law, nisihanye Somalis ni wa avoid coz il get stabbed or get shot . Nikitaka fun afadhali nitafute wakamba, hehehe, yeah hao ndio Malaya wengi pia Garissa.
Kuna a 4 star hotel inaitwa Almond Resort, ilikua imefunguliwa iyo time , iko na a swimming pool na well manicured lawns, na top notch staff from Utalii College, I mean top class service.
I would spend the whole day huko nikiangalia madem ,adolescent raging hormones bado hazikua zimeisha…

Sasa one weekend hapo Almond a light skin Somali lady with the sexiest figure na ass imewekwa kwa buibui came and sat next table, she looked ako kitu early 20’s…lust at first sight…she had the most beautiful face I’d ever seen…I said hi and nikaulizia jina, HALIMA, had a deep UK accent, we clicked. She had just come from London , aliletwa Garissa ajue ki Somali na pia kufunzwa dini yao…she hated the place .
She was funny , the accent tuu ilikua inafanya ni kue na a hard on.She had come with her family walikua next kwa pool, nikachukua number na aka promise ata come the next day.

tukachat the whole night, kitu ikakubali atahepa the family wakiswim twende kwetu , ilikua kitu 5mins away. Prado ilikua tinted , akavalia ninja ,off we went kwa nyumba.

Our Caretaker Ali, an old Somali mzee hakuwa,alikua ameenda nyumbani off coz nilikua around… compound ilikua empty, we didn’t waste time.
Halima had mad dick sucking skills , mad skills anafaa apewe nobel prize, she had natural hair karibu ifike kwa haga, thanked my ancestors for the cleanest shaved Tight pussy. Unajua Somalis hata wakinyamba wanaosha matako vizuri na Maji.Threshold lazima nilifikisha,ngozi yake ilikua so smooth na laini nilikua naona my dick would rupture her uko ndani … Yaani Toto ilikua kuku ya grade sio hizi 40 year lanyes Ktalkers wamezoea.

We would bang every afternoon for kitu a week, the problem ilikua one afternoon in our usual escapades, our Somali caretaker Ali alirudi bila kunishow…
Nilikua Kitchen natafta juice mrembo alikua balcony akipunga upepo, wacha niskie commotion , caretaker Ali akitoa ma war cry upstairs …Fuck, hiyo siku ndio nilijua wasomali wote ni Kama huwarelated… swines ,cousins intermarry.

Caretaker Ali aliweka Halima slaps na kutoka nje mbio akipiga nduru …Apparently mama ya Halima alikuwa sijui cousin ya sister ya cousin yake sijui clan moja , ata sikuelewa…walipata kwa kina Halima , wanajuana…
Wacha ma watchmen na taxi drivers sijui walitokea wapi…
Halima , alikua ashavaa , analia akinishow atauliwa na parents wake…
tulitoka mbio hadi kwa Gari, My wallet intact…
Wacha the small crowd iingie kwa compound , about kitu 15 skinnies , naskia UA! UA!UA! KAFIRI!!
Kioo ya upande yangu ya Driver ikajam, i was reversing speedily out of the compound, niliamua sitakufa pekee yangu…
sijui vile I got stabbed kwa my arm . …Kumbe Somalis hukua na Visu kwa Magari zao…but niligonga waria mmoja kidogo kwa mguu I guess alivunjika.

My Arm was bleeding , Halima anapiga nduru kwa backseat, sijui vile nilipita na hiyo gate ilikua half open I guess.

Wenye mnajua Garissa iko a petrol station kwa junction ya province hapo karibu bridge…, nilispeed nikaingia hapo , taxi ilikua inanifuata haikuniona wakapita wakaenda tao.

Halima akashuka Mimi nikaenda Madogo, a small center on the other side ya Garissa , nikaenda a health center hapo, Nika call Uncle nikamsimulia Kisanga.

Walinistitch tu ivi Kama nimepanda bus nikarudi Nairobi na bandage kwa arm.
Nikambia My parents it was a small accident tu, Na nilitoroka Garissa coz Somalis are SAVAGES, i hated them and the weather was harsh.
Ladies and Gentlemen, that’s how I had my first and last Somali pussy…no matter how a cute Somali lady is na amejipa aje ,Mimi hukumbuka vile walinifanya Garissa natema tu Mate!!!

Shait.

A worthy scar

wariaye ni watu wajinga sana.

lucky me ilikua soft tissue tu, but I guess that’s the struggle people undergo coz ya pussy, u can get unlucky

Legends are made of such occurrences

Green emoji tano

Omera umeamka kuota ndoto mbaya sana asubuhi?effidens?kama hakuna let it be what it is…just another hekaya.

pole man. i understand.

I know a family who were forced to move from Eastleigh to Westlands because their eldest son aliwekewa wanted na Somalis in Easich because he had a secret relationship with a msomali chic. They were my neighbors in Westi

SOMALIS are SAVAGES!
Their ladies love other tribes dicks but the problem is cockblocking cousins , theyl kill u

They once showed up at niggas house in Eastleigh wakiwa wengi with knives…luckily msee was not home. The dad said wacha wahame. One day this ninja asked me to accompany him tuende Eastleigh ati kugotea his somali chic. She was damn beautiful,her name was Amina. That 1st visit was successful and the next. Later i heard he went for another visit alone…i jst saw nigga with bandages all over his face. I did’nt have 2 ask what happened

Hii mambo ya some tribes putting a guard on their chics and they still want to hump ours is soo ancient. Lived in Zimma and the sudus had that upuss,althou their giraffe like chics arent worth dying for.

Hekaya smooth. That’s a worthy scar. Because the story behind it can be told hadi ufike 99 years ukiwa kwa deathbed unaambia nurses.
Last but not least, to quote @Bingwa Scrotum , “Kila mtu akule kwao

Yes, and we still wish to finish off the job. Kila mtu akule kwao

Burgundy emoji sita.
Kila mtu akule kwao.

hahaha, kula kwanza, u drought-stricked skinny bastard

na kipara yake

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mombasa pia this indians and arabs chics huwa hot na wanajipa sana lakini their cousins ama brothers wakijuwa unadungwa visu
hii upuzi sijui walitoa wapi na wao hukamua mizoga zetu na hatusumbui