There is this narrative synonymous with do-gooders that when it comes to entering into a relationship, one’s past shouldn’t matter. The import here is that Karl Marx should joyously marry a reformed prostitute who has serviced 2000 men since, anyway, even though she was a prostitute who, because of money, experimented all manner of sexual deviancy with men(perhaps even with dogs), she is now ‘saved’ and ‘reformed’ and that Marx should readily and comfortably tie the knot with her.
I must concede that everyone has got some shady past. Everyone in life has made some mistakes. But I must also state that one’s past, in most cases, tend to offer a glimpse into how one is likely to behave in the future . Chances are that a previously hardened alcoholic is likely to fall off the wagon in the future.
Let’s even look at it from an employer’s perspective. Certainly, if you are an employer, are you going to employ an employee who has been sacked 6 times because of the same crime: pilfering of his employers’ resources? Yes, he will claim he is now ‘reformed’ but can you really believe him 100%. In most cases, many people will claim their have abandoned their filthy past only because circumstances force them to claim that they are now ‘reformed’. Granted, there are some people who completely feel nauseated with their past and, consequently, completely break off with their dark past. Biblically, a good example is Mary of Magdalene. Although she was a great sinner, she completely abandoned her life of sin and became one of the most devout followers of Jesus and, in fact, the latter rewarded her tremendously especially through making her to be the first to witness his resurrection and thus earning her the title ‘Apostle to the apostles’. But she of course lived her later life in complete devotion to Christ and legend has it that she spent about 30 years in complete self denial/fasting in a desert in France. She was atoning for her previous errors.
But Jesus was divine and Karl Marx is a flawed mortal. Jesus could read people’s hearts and assess the genuineness of one’s claim but poor Karl Marx can only rely on external theatrics and, at most, he can only offer someone the benefit of doubt. But Karl Marx, when it comes to relationships, doesn’t offer anyone the benefit of doubt. I have witnessed firsthand how catastrophic it can get if you constantly offer people the benefit of doubt.
Let’s look at the following scenario:
A woman has had four abortions and I proceed to marry her because, you know, her past doesn’t matter. I don’t care what the so called modern world says but I know that any woman who aborts is a murderer. And I am pretty sure that God and nature will punish the woman at some point. So, I am supposed to share in her future tribulations/punishments because of a façade called ‘love’? You know, if she is punished for killing four innocent souls and I am her husband, then common sense indicates that I, too, will suffer alongside her. Perhaps God will make her barren and as such Karl Marx will never have kids. So, because the past doesn’t matter, I am supposed to remain with no kids because of someone’s dirty past? Huh! So, because of ‘love’ I am supposed to be sleeping next to a murderer for the rest of my life because the past doesn’t matter??? I wouldn’t care how much she purports to have ‘repented’; the very fact that I will live out the rest of my life with a murderer sounds horrific.
Naturally, I am not vindictive and I am ever ready to forgive but telling me to get married to a reformed and ‘saved’ prostitute is simply a turn off.
Don’t be fooled: are you going to marry a divorced woman who chopped off her former husband’s genitals because she now claims she has ‘seen the light’?
As a woman, are you going to get married to a jailbird who has previously been jailed three times for being violent to his ex-wives? And when he later scalds your pretty face with boiling water, you start saying ‘Ni mambo ya Mungu’?
The reason why there is too much misery is modern marriages is because people get married to people that they hardly know. Once it comes to marriage, let reason and common sense prevail over emotions.
Getting married to a woman with 3 kids by three different men will become problematic in the future when the real dads start showing up wanting to ‘meet’ their kids. And I can assure you that even though you’ve paid 1 million as dowry, she will most likely be dry-fried by these ‘dads’ to her kids.
Simply put, don’t allow someone’s horrific past to interfere with your future. If as a man, you’ve not sired kids out there, don’t carry the baggage(kids) of amorous men under a farce called ‘love’. If as a woman, you greatly value living an honest, ethical life, don’t get married to that ex-convict unless you are ready to bear the reproof ‘ She is married to a thief who has been in jail for 5 years’.
We are living in a very dirty world and when it comes to matters of the heart, playing Mr or Ms Nice wont take you anywhere. If you get married to a previously immoral partner and, sadly, S/he infects you with HIV/AIDS because of his or her dirty past, stop saying ‘It is God’s will’. God has given you intelligence and a nice dose of common sense to allow you to make rational choices based on thorough considerations.