Today marks 10 years since i left home. I knew things would never be the same again.
It was done.Things between me and my father would never be the same again. I had eliminated the odds of our relationship ever improving again.
And although the issue I had addressed was justifiable, the way I addressed it may not have been the best.There had been a prohibitively bitter exchange between us. I angrily poured out emotions that had accumulated in me for more than 8 years.My father wept. He was sad, angry and disappointed.
It broke my heart.
Yet, I continued ranting.i think i lost conscious . The last thing I remembered was him (my father) holding me and comforting me. It was something I had last experienced when I was a very young boy.Maybe he did not show me enough love growing up.
Things were different when I was a young boy. My father was my hero. I adored him. Worshiped him…maybe.He meant the world to me.
But as I grew up he changed. Or I did.
I can’t know for sure. But I feel that he did. He came home everyday, but he was not present in my life.
The lack of love between him and my mum, coupled with the fact that I was away in boarding school most of the year did not help improve the situation.
We just became more and more distant.
Well, it is what it is now.
I miss him. I really do. I would do or give up anything to be in good terms with him.
I know he is not bitter about me. I know he forgave me, as I did with him.
But there’s no way to reach out to each other.
All that’s left is a deep awkwardness between us.He’s getting old. And so am I getting older.
I’d love to be there for him. I’d love to find a way to genuinely tell and show him that I love him.
I may have it all going well for me, but all that means nothing when I do not have his blessing.
And until I mend fences with him, I may not be able to peacefully start a family of my own.
Too many words to say four words.
I MISS MY FATHER.
Your daddy done forgiven you kitaaambo. Man up and go apologise, and be in good terms with him. Anzeni kaproject nayeye. Kama kwenu gishagi n wakulima surprise him with a young Freshian cow.
What’s standing between having a good relationship is pride and ego. One of you must do it and since you’re the younger one, just swallow your pride and approach him…,tell him what you feel. I’m sure he feels the same way but sometimes men don’t like to express their emotions. Don’t wait too long you will regret if anything happens.
There’s no easy way. You can choose to go straight to the point with him and pour your heart out. From the way I am, am not very apologetic, so if I were to make some apology, I would phone the old man. Tell him I want to slaughter a goat and that he invites the whole family over. Before leaving I would tell him how life is where I am and ask him how life has been and that would be a way to start over.
yeah,something like that…you see in Africa we don’t do that" Hi, dad…uhm,you know am sorry…yada yada…"
Huku you show by adding value to something that the dad loves…thats why nilipeana huo mfano. My bet s the Dad already forgave him. Its all about him stepping up. Mahali nimetoka thats how we do it…how abt your place?
start with small things that show concern, without necessarily talking about it. buy him a nice suit and pair of shoes, call him more often and talk about anything. with time start updating him about your life or asking for his opinion about “grown up” issues like handling women (you may not be in need of this advice but ask anyway). with time the patches will be mended. then later you can tell him plainly. The one thing that you can’t escape is that you will be the one to make the first move to apologize and not him. He is your father meen