I’ll be turning 27 this Jan. I’ve never been in a relationship before. It’s always been an effort for as long as I can remember. I’ve always admired how people I know easily move from one relationship to another. I often feel insignificant. As though I lack something that others have. Attempts at getting these answers are fruitless. Many people say I’m very funny and talkative and somehow I feel as though making everyone laugh will also make me happy but I’m sad.
I want to feel wanted. I’m very light hearted and I always mistake one’s kindness as an interest in me. Each rejection feels worse than the previous.
I need help. I need ways to be stronger. Not feel weak and vulnerable. Not to be the weird funny person but maybe something more.
Start by working on your image and confidence i.e. being in good physical shape (gym), dressing well, smelling nice, alafu approaching different ladies weekly and ask questions that requires a bit of explanation from her i.e. “Hi I am trying get used to my area, do you know any bookshop or coffee shop around?” From there on pick the conversation and run with it, main aim is getting her number
Also avoid lanyes, they ruin your masculinity and seduction prowess
You need to develop a thick skin because most worldly people out there are self obsessed and shallow. Re-evaluate your circle of friends and see whether they deflate you or build you up. Delete the toxic ones. You sound like a good hearted person so hang in there, eventually you will meet the girl of your dreams.
invest your efforts in creating something, aim to be soo good. run away from toxic environments…their are people in this world around you already decided they are better than you.embrace the good relationships that develop as you do what you do well
Remember this all your days and you’ll be a pro at getting gels. Buying lanyez means you have to use money to find someone worthy to sleep with you… Remember that that the lanye sees herself as more worthy than you enough to be paid to fk you…
Hii itacheza na your spiritual equilibrium upende usipende compared to if a gal approached you for a relationship na akupee slices free…
If you are 27 and you have been involved with some one you should consider yourself very lucky. If you know how many broken and or casual relationships some people have been in by 27, you wouldn’t see it as a bad thing. You are a good candidate for a very happy and fulfilling marriage. You have zero baggage. Those people who you see move with ease from one relationship to another are messed up but you only see one side of it. The side you think you want. To be wanted. You want an identity embedded in their desire or giving in to you. I think you need to find yourself first. You appear not to have a strong sense of self and to have an external locus of evaluation and or reference. Remember that the nexus of any and all relationships you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself and with your Maker. If you don’t want yourself the universe will merely mirror that through those people who you want to want you but they don’t. You know what they say about shopping. Don’t go shopping when you are hungry. Your hunger will drive you to poor choices. Feed that hunger through self love and connection to the love of God so that when you meet someone you are coming from a place of abundance not scarcity and hunger or thirst. The best relationships materialize when you are not even looking bcz you are too busy with your own life, work, goals etc that is why it’s called falling in love. Not chasing love. You stumble into it when you are about your business. Minding your own business. Focused on what you want to achieve, what you enjoy.
You can do alot on the outside to be more appealing but if on the inside you feel inadequate you will self sabotage. Focus on yourself and avoid casual relationships and escapades they will give you baggage.
get no strings attached sex and look for money
Let me ask you OP and I hope you open up more to elders ndio usaidike? Are you looking for advice regarding your general low self esteem ama because you can’t get laid? What’s the bone of contention? Having said that, I will tell you from experience; confidence, confidence, confidence bro. Cultivate a culture of self importance, feeling yourself, feeling like you are better than everyone in the good way not the ego type of way. Yaani ile ukaeza jipata kwa elevator na some big shot unaeza tupa the first line na utoke na personal relationship or something close.
It all starts with knowing the simplest of etiquette. Learn to greet your elders and superiors while standing straight, a firm handshake and looking the other person straight into the eye. You get it? Hio itakuletea confidence sana. Hang out with high achievers or at least something close to that. Read, be informed. Broaden your scope of thinking. Confidence.
Hapo kwa madem sijui mnaogopanga nini mimi. Ni confidence again. Hio tu. Don’t fear or fret when it comes to girls. Kickstart conversations about anything and keep engaging. Yaani tu general social skills then itisha namba and baas uko ndaaaaaaani ndani kabisa. As a man, always make sure you have dressed well and thus confident and comfortable with whatever you put on. Some nice roll-on, piga mswaki na ukuwe na hair cut safi then baaaas. Hata ukiwa obese na uko na etiquette na confidence you will find your rib. Never allow confidence to be one of your weak points. Hio ndio unaona msee wa boda na makanga wanakula madem kama nonsense na a learned fellow kama wewe analia. All the best.
Kijana wewe ni fala wa kawaida. I dont mean it in a mean way. Vile ninavyokusikia, wachana na wasichana hiyo sio fani yako. Get on with your life, and find male friends who are like you to kill time with, and learn together about building careers and gigs. Keep yourselves physically active. And avoid any woman like a plague. Any woman you are likely to end up with within the next five years of your life is likely to take advantage of you. When you are about 35, revisit this “relationship” thing you keep talking about. At that time, you will see it in a very different light.
Pewa beer mbili on my tab.
Wachana na hizi maneno mingi. Fanya hizi vitu. Read, Lift and Eat
Read. Helps build your career, widens interests by discovering new things, makes you interesting. I suspect you are good at this though and just socially awkward.
Lift & Eat. There is nothing that builds self esteem as quickly as looking physically attractive. I.e. when you get in a mall and you notice a few glances from a few women in the mall. Hit the gym and wear clothes that actually fit you. That is the first step. Not even trendy or expensive clothes. Proper fit that accentuates your body. Don’t be that lanky fella in oversized clothes or the common fat guy with ill fitting shirts and oversized jeans
Very few macho men here will admit to their inadequacies on ktalk. Congrats for the courage.
- Do exactly what @chap has written above. No need to reiterate.
- Dating is a numbers game. Approach more women and be diverse. Approaching more women will help you gain confidence and get used to rejection by not taking it personally. Being diverse will also help. Maybe you are hitting way above your league hence the high rejection rate. And forget about all the BS people like to peddle out of ignorance, leagues exist in dating even if people hate to admit it. Try dating women in your league but to do that you need to know where you stand first.
Approach a beautiful stranger kama Vile unadai Kwa lanye doggie ya mia mbiri Kwa corridor. Anza na kuapproach random ladies itisha namba. Complement her dress and looks first. Ukianza kuphone chat na yeye sema mapema agenda yako. Mpeleke date ya fombe na nyama. Mwambie Kwa hio date chocha vile uko financial stable and single na unatafuta pipi for long term relationship. Make sure mzoga imeadmit ako single. Sema mapema unadai slices na kama kuna shida aseme. Akikubali hapohapo kula french kiss ukicaress matuzo. But Akisema it’s to early. Cut short the date and move to the next meat. Most of the ladies akiona a well off man uta pewa slices mapema hkm. Thank me later
Upus. Sijasoma
Lame advisors hapa naona ni wajinga wanashinda SJ weekend mzima.
This is good advice from wanakijiji.I have also suffered from low self esteem issues but I keep on improving day by day.
Wewe ukijua vile madem hupenda humorous guys ungejua you are king in the game. ukiona dem laughing/giggling at even those stale jokes you crack, know anakulike.
Wengine wetu atana vibe but we are still trying to manage the excess flow of ladies in our lives.
I can assure you that there is an acute shortage of me like you out in the society. Wale wengi ni wa kukula na kuondokea na wale wako na watu home wanataka exploration tu.
i would advice you too to work on your confidence vile @chap amesema…also, the main thing is to keep your mind body and soul focused on your grind, make money and stay healthy…be outgoing and socialize with random chics.
hapa kuna kaukweli.
Care to explain to him how confidence is built.
Mchama…visit quora.com and search for how to build self confidence…you will get whole lot of ideas