In My kasighau mountain home

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Village Elder
The phallus 20150830_140234.jpg the drive 20150830_132203.jpg 20150830_133234.jpg the home of god.

For those who would like to vissit......

Let me assume you are an adventurer who is
looking for some action. If you are, jump into
your car and head out. Find your way to a place
called Maungu a few kilometers from Voi on
mombasa rd. If you are coming from nairobi,
turn right on that dirt road hidden by transit
trucks. If you are coming from mombasa, am not
sure which direction you should turn. Best bet is
to flip a coin and no matter the out come, and
this is crucial, turn your car 180 degrees and
keep driving untill you see the ocean. Any how, if
you have found the dirt road, and if your car like
mine has a speed control, adjust the knob to
60kph. Dont waste your time site seeing. There
is not much to see. Only look out for the donkey
cart drawn by cows. They are common here.
Looming in the holizon will be what appears like
an elevated hill. Keep that in your cross hairs at
all cost. Zoom past Buguta and dont hoot. An
hour driving will set you down at the sleepy town
of Kasigau or Rukanga as the locals call it. You
have arrived. Now step out of your car and
behold the mountain of god. The majestic granite
mountain rises so suddenly from the ground into
the clouds above. And its only 37 meters from
the town- as in it is sitting on the town. Just
leave your car where you parked it . No one will
touch it. They have seen better and newer cars
everyday of their lives. Now scale the foot hills of
this majestic granite phallus. You dont need a
guide. There are always people ascending or
descending. Should you feel a very real urge to
undress and slide down the slippery rock face, go
right ahead. It is the most favourite
preoccupation here. Watch out for the boulders
though. Did i remind you to bring your chick. If i
did, now is the time to play silly games while
balancing on rocks imitating the birds. If i didnt,
dont worry. I will take care of you shortly. If its
approaching 5pm, descend. People dont sleep on
mountains. Back in town just follow the crowd.
They all end up at Harun bar. Now dont ask for
your silly bear. Just tell the waiter 'kibuyu'
pretty soon a 5litter of Mpangala will be set
before you. Take it slow though. Sorry i forgot-
you didnt bring a chick. Just turn around and
call out 'Mueni'. About 6 ladies will approach
from all directions and the first to sit on your lap
is your date. Dont bother with names. She is
mueni. Her and the other 13 girls in this town
share that name. By now the 5litres should be 3
litres. Time to order food. Just say kuku and
mueni will walk out and return 26minutes later
with a whole chicken done the way you like. 500
should cover the dinner and 460 the drink. Time
to go to bed. A room cost 200. An additional 20
gets you a morguito coil, 50 a net. Take the net.
In the room, she will gladly accept 200. When
the business starts under the net she will be
fussy and very loud. Remain cool. Just whisper
in her ear 'nitaongeza mia.' that will make her
purr like a cat. If you mention 200, well, what do
i say. Have you ever heard a mercedes benz 320
rev. There you have it. Wake up late and venture
into the bushes back in the mountain. She will
show you a trick or simply show you. Due west
from where you stand are the Tsavo west
national park. What you dont know is that only
15km from here are the Mangale ruby mines. In
those mines, in 19. . Forget the year. In those
mines in that year a young boy was born. The
parents called him Mabenda4. Now scale a little
higher. Bask in the ambience of the mount. The
panoramic view. The grandeur of the plains
below. Drink the sweet mountain water from the
clouds above. It is the sweetest water on Gods
green earth. Trust me on this. I was weaned on
this water. In the bushes, while avoiding the wait
a little thorns, look for a tree that has. . . Just
keep on scratching at the barks of trees. If it
drips a milky substance move on. If it drips a
fatty cream, thank heaven and cut a branch.
That tree is medicine to 15 ailments. Do also get
your hands on muarubaine tree. This heals 40
ails. Now get down. As you do remember this
greetings to salute the locals. 'mwamka maana.'
thats mornin. 'wasindamana' day time. Chapcha
mana evening. The answer to all greetings is
'too' pronounced like 'O' for oil. Another form of
greeting especially when you are high on
mpangala is to stare menacingly at the people
you wish to salute then stump your feet. If one
of them rises and kicks your teeth in, take it in
stride. It means they like you. Go down and buy
some few rubies or green garnet or blue saphire
or aquamarine or rhodelite or. . Just buy
something from the people leaning on your car.
Dont worry about being cheated. You wouldnt
know the real stones if you remained here for a
year. Now as token of appreciation for being
hosted, and this is importantant, you must do
this favour. Get in your car, and . . .and. . . Drive
the hell out of our mountain

Karibuni nyumbani kwetu
Voi for me will hold bad memories for a while. I lost a pal, his daughter and grand daughter to an accident there last Friday. But you make that mountain look so enticing ..:D


Ai yawa mabendah what happened to the creative you? Hadi u recycled a klost post. Still cracks me up though


Village Elder
Hiyo kitaita umeandika hapo ni fake boss, nimeishi na wataita miaka mob na hawana word kama 'chapcha', 'wasindamana'. Nice narration though.
May i suggest you ask any taita you bump into what it means. Just ask bro. If it be proven that chapcha and wasindamana does not exist in taita, then i never writ.
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The story fit my trip home. I just googled and found my story in over twenty sites with different claims and Author s. Thats why i stopped writing my writs
hadi za pujo ziko huko? the blogs can steal your work but they wont steal the creative in you so keep doing it
May i suggest you ask any taita you bump into what it means. Just ask bro. If it be proven that chapcha and wasindamana does not exist in taita, then i never writ.
Bro hakuna words kama hizo in kidawida. It's 'chawucha' & 'mwasindama' plural or 'kwasindamana' singular. And btw they pronounce W in a different way. @msalame grace si ni ukweli?. That aside braza unajua kucheza na maneno.


Village Chief
The story fit my trip home. I just googled and found my story in over twenty sites with different claims and Author s. Thats why i stopped writing my writs
Plagiarism is real. You might even find your story on a Zambian/ Zimbabwean or Nigerian website with character names changed to suit a particular audience.
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