journey to nairobi parts 1 n 2


"amka nani"
"amka , au ni deaf ?"
i opened my eyes to see a crowd gathered around me . i was just in my boxers na socks moja .
"uko sawa ?" a worried man said to me taking my hand and pulled me slowly as i tried to retrace my steps just like a toddler learning how to walk.
the old man assisted me sit in a bodaboda shed bench . deep in my mind i tried to remember where i was , i tried to study the surrounding enviroment but all i could see were children staring at me like i was some sought of demon , women whispering to each other, and a group of bodaboda men wearing relectors and gumboots laughing .
"huyu amelala kwa malaya "
"ni kwenda matina "
"acaaa labda alihijerkiwa jana usiku "
all this murmurs and confusion started to bring back my memories .
lets rewind and start 24 hrs ago when i stepped in thika main stage heading to nairobi.

part 1
its 7.00 a.m on a FRIDAY morning , am in kenya mpya bus stage in Thika town , i grab a smokie fro a guy pushing a trolly next to the famous maguna andu supermarket .
" unaenda muranga au kenol ?" a guy in blue suit tried to pursuade me
"siendi kenol nkt mbwa wewe " i shrugged him off
"unaringa na wewe ni mwanaume na ukipewa matako ?"
i ignored him as i munched my smokie as i entered the kenya mpya bus.
"btw tao ni ngapi?"
"kwani hujasoma kibao ? ni seventeee"
"poa, boss usinikule " i replied now already inside the bus , i spotted my favourite kiti ya nyuma kwa kona .
i always loved that spot as i could see and spot everything happening outside from that kona both outside n inside.
as i sat there , logged into facebook scrolled and no new gossip . i just posted . {HEADING TO NAIROBI} Then logged out .
"hii kiti iko na mwenyewe " a fat old man tapped my shoulder , i looked straight into his eyes and was like get the f**k outer mah face old man .
"iko na mwenyewe ako hapa chini ananunua kadi ya simu "
"sawa " the old man sat at the seat infront .
as i sat there hoping a beautiful lady will sit besides me a fat lady carring a bag full of sukumawiki and other vegetables occupied the seat, this angered me but was relieved when i overheard her tell the tout atashukia weteithie.
the engine roared into life and soon we were living thika ,kufika gatitu past tuskys supermarket i felt relieved the journey has began officially.
in 5 mins time tulikuwa tushafika weteithie , weteithie stage is very busy as sugarcane and water hawkers kept knocking on my window.
"customer utakula muwaaa ?"
"customer utanunua mahindi choma ?"
"oyaaaaa maji baridi "
i just ignored the hawkers and glanced at the footbridge under construction.
the fat lady alighted rubbing her big ass in my face as she picked her gunia full of vibandaski stuff, sukumawiki and othe vegetables. i dont know why but i pressed my head in a way her hips rubbed my face giving me a hard on waaah.
'snap out of it you are in public ' my mind told me as i pretended to assist her lift the gunia my shoulder rubbing her 43D BOOBS . IN a short time she had alighted and guess my new sit neighbour alikuwa nani ? not one but two yellow yellow chics probably kambas , as kambas are blessed with beauty sijui kama ni ukosefu wa maji kwa mwili but all in all i smiled at them as they sat next to me.
"madam siufunge mishipi , pale mangu high huwa kuna roadblock"
"asanty bro" she fastened her seatbelt also alerting her friend to do the same .
"naitwa macha au mwalimu macharia wa kamau" i introduced myself giving them that killer smile , by introducing myself as mwalimu always meant i would be geting laid as most chics were attracted to men working as civil servants.
the bus was now past high point and the ladies introduced 'emselves as MWENDE AND DUNKOO.
FOrgive me i dont know how to spell kamba names but i swore it was mwendee and dunkoo not dunkulu.
both chics were rocking designer glasses , and dressed to kill kwanza mwende who sat next to me was wearing that short dress with this gorgeous boobs kwanza hiyo cleavage iliiwanga inanimaliza every time i glanced at her direction , thighs nazo wacha tu, ni mzigo smart in short sikama zile mijembe tumezoea kuona ikipita pita huku kwa streets . dunkoo naye was dressed in tight jeans and a red top and mutiple rings in both hands. mapatcole nazo huyu alikaa dame wama blings , designer watch ndio ilikuwa inanimaliza. sijawai ona gold but could tell that her watch was worth more than 200k.
"pesa hapo nyuma " the conducter disrupted me from my dreams andhallucination of both mwende and dunkoo.
"toa ya watatu" i handed over a new kshs 1000 note , kwanza hizi mya za CBk size ya dollar.
"hauna pesa ndogoo ?"
"wewe toa hapo au ni mara yako ya kwanza kushika thao kama hiyo, usiogope ni original guza cover utasikia ni rough, pia ukiweza angalia kama simba amefunga macho usiniletee "
the yellow yellow cambodians giggled , as the conductor counted the change of kshs 850 and went back.
"you are such a gentleman mwalimu macharia " mweni said tapping my shoulder as dunku supported her by head gesture.
"not a problem chochote for beautiful queens".
we were passed gwa kairu ruiru and dunku beckoned me to tell her which teams would win as she was busy placing bets in her latest samsung galaxys s10 plus. she was placing the sportpesa weekly jackpot of kshs 80 million , and also some other mutiple games she expected to win 800k if the bets went through.
i pointed to her zile teams zingeenda draw , GG, HOME /AWAY. pretending i was a guru when it came to betting .
"thanks aki , u are such a gentlemen , btw i love your beards "
"thank you , and a gentleman wouldnt mind getting your numbers "
i handed mwende my itel A31 , and she saved both her number and dunkus number before handing it back.

"nani anashukia githurai' the tout shouted.
mwende and dunkuu and a couple siting infront of us lifted their hands .
i felt sad yet happy at the same for losing nairobi journey companion but happy i got their contacts .
"si u have safe journey mwalimu, " dunkoo said thn gave me a peck kiss in my forehead.
'jesuu mwega kama hawa si malaika ni nini tena ' i said in my mind as i watched them alight the bus and wave at my window as the bus went away blowing me kisses.