Ever sat down and just thought to yourself ‘damn I’ve been through some shit’ haha and here you are still surviving. I mean after a few ordeals you think you’ve had enough of that shit but the devil in charge of bringing hell to your life is still fanning himself with your picture ‘ndio maana hutai endelea’ that’s what your friends write to your kinsmen back in the village telling them of how ‘unateswa na mapepo’ because you can’t stop screaming your ex girlfriend’s name when you sleep at night who just happens to be a kamba, my prayer for you as you read this ‘hio pepo ishindwe’ and may you find whatever that kamba lass was giving you in plenty because that is what is killing you.
So we were talking about life dishing out ordeals like square meals to you, I remember sometime back when I was still in Jkuat Juja a friend of mine Jack calls me one Friday afternoon asks me what am up-to so I tell him you know the obvious just getting baked and watching vines so he goes like “have you ever been to Kiambu?’ am like naah never really had a reason to go to that place, to be honest with you reader my father never has good stories about Kiambu and that man is my compass so if he says chiqs don’t lay eggs in Kiambu then chiqs don’t lay eggs in Kiambu, they give birth to live babies that cry when you slap their tiny little butts. So for that reason my Kiambu alarm bells go off I tell Jack no can’t do Kiambu he goes like alright man a lot of fine ladies will turn up though, good kush and I hear alcohol will flow like river Jordan the day they baptized Jesus word on the bible is it had been flowing before and after they baptized the savior of mankind it will be like that. Now in my mind I know this guy fucking with me so I say no ,no means no goddammit why you have to go and tempt me and shit’ so he hangs up and I go about my business fast forward 7hrs later its 10pm bored as shit. Kev my roommate is out before he left he was talking about going to lay pipe to some respectable lady in Embakasi emphasis on the word respectable he swears by his Fifth Harmony poster on the wall that you’ll never find him near dis respectable women the ones that draw eyebrows like Nike logos . So alone and bored bad combo am down to like two joints now and no self respecting man should go out to buy drugs alone past 10 o’clock it never ends well ,you either get nabbed by cops who look at your fat little cheeks once and they all agree in unison that ‘huyu ni self sponsored ivo utatoa kitu’’ on top of that you are loaded with illegal drugs incase you don’t have any don’t worry the cops got you covered they’ve got enough on them to put you in jail for 3 lifetimes and some change. Or you could meet common thieves the ones that offload your wallet,your phone and possibly the drugs if you hadn’t tucked them real nice so you get my point if its avoidable then lets avoid it by all means. I unlock my phone scroll through my contacts Njeri…Nope….Ann…Nope….Linda…uummh haha…Nope am starting to loose hope….Gladys…yes…calls…beeps…beeps…No ans shit …keeps scrolling…Jack I hold for a bit scratch my head and think for a minute…me plus Jack plus alcohol and women sounds like a very disastrous story I mean Jack and I hadn’t met since we cleared form 4 and if those days in high school are anything to go by they didn’t always end well, we’ve fenced the school two times for sneaking the third time my mom refused to pay up she told the deputy to tie a bell on my neck so after weighing out my options I decided what the hell you only live once right? I hit him up and we agree to meet at tea room I put on my jacket check through my pockets fare check, back up fare check, lighter check I go through Kev’s drawer he started hiding his cigarettes when he discovered I’ve been pinching them. The first two drawers nothing come on how smart can that idiot be? Now am going through his jackets first pocket chewing gum uh not so useless after all …i touch a packet jackpot my face lights up with a smile, the packet is almost full I take all of it because he wasn’t being nice you are supposed to share! Am I the only one who thinks sharing brings happiness ? I light a cigarette as I turn out the lights and lock the door. Time 2240 hrs sigh its going to be a long night.