My first days in high school were amazing, coming from primo fulani ya kiocha ocha hivi, pale ungwaro. I had just joined Jamhu High as a NV. Day one when mzee Njoro dropped me at the school, nlikuwa nmeng’ara kama Charles Njonjo. A dark green brand new blazer with single yellow stripes on both arms, the school badge kwa the left breast pocket with the motto ‘effort unending’ a green sweater ndani and a green and yellow tie nicely done and tucked under the bright white shirt collar and an ash grey trouser with shinny black shoes to complement the new me. I also had my hockey stick as it was the most important item after school fees, to bring to school as a new joiner. For me everything was exciting not to forget the fact that I was now in the same school na waindi kathaa including future @uwesmake and @vunja deki employers. The first few days in school was orientation and passed without much activities.
Following week, a Monday we lined up at the school assembly and after the national anthem and prayers, the games master one Mr. Faya stepped up on the podium and before he could say anything on the mic, all the VE and VS on the rear rows made this blowing sound and I thought to myself, what a heck of a school. The interesting part was that whatever it symbolized it was funny and yes they all bust out laughing. Before long I knew what it was all about. Mr. Faya removed the mic from its holder and blew into it. His unique way of doing the mic check. Tabia za watu wa ocha kama akina @Motokubwa He then went ahead to deliver his heavy Nyeri accent laden speech aking’oa each and every step of the way. Wababa wote wa jamhu broke out in laughter, was kinda stand up comedy but to me nothing was funny as uprooting was a norm ile chuo nlikuwa nmetoka. What a fun and lively school this was.
If I may indulge you kiasi, this Mr Faya was the kind of a mofo who was so fashion disoriented. He could put on a mix and match suit (the checked coat kind and a red trouser) with football boots pale down and had his trouser bottom tucked wieredly inside the socks which also acted as his wallet. Yes alikuwa anasunda niadu kwa socks. As to where the name ‘Faya’ came from; no one really knew but I guess it was due to the shouting he used to do while talking, was like literally spitting fire.
After the games master was done shrubbing, up came this other man with a serious attitude and an orange coat (kama ile ya ODM) which had seen better days. He went ahead kujikanganya na osungu dll and finally akamaliza and the assembly was dismissed. ‘Kambwenya’ was the name which I later came to know was a nick name. I learnt this the hard way when a few days later I was asked the name of my b/ed teacher only to answer confidently, Mr. Kambwenya. Nlipata a few slaps from Kambwenya himself when he got the news, he never introduced himself anyways so how was I to know. By then the form fours had beards bushier (sp) than Anyang Nyongo and they were a law unto themselves. They could chant the name Kambwenya and he could do nothing about it. Mr. ‘Kambwenya’ as a mhenga, is famed for some out of this world quotes to mention just a few; “can you follow me infront”, “he jumped under the fence”, “hey you 3 boys come here both of you” etc etc. How the hell he came up with these quotes … sijui. Akina @kasaman can relate.
The name kambwenya was coined by the VS as the deputy principal had this one orange coat that he would put on Monday through Friday and the week after indefinitely. Is the same mbwenya he was wearing on this bright Monday morning.
We went to class with not much to be done as the term had just began for us as the NVs. School life was good after all with so much ‘adventures’ and yours trully being the messed up ghetto ruffian, it dint take long before the boys in green ties (the prefects used to wear green ties while the rest of the school wore striped green and yellow ties) took a notice of me. I found myself kwa ndiambo the very next morning.
On this particular day nlifika chuo late and from the 411 tulikuwa tumepewa, I knew there was ndiambo waiting for me. It would sure turn out to be a vvv long day for me. I wasn’t well prepared for this na kama kawaida there was a special treat for the late comers courtesy of our v abled boys in green ties pale kwa main gate. They made sure umejibamba na orako kuruka before uingie ndani ya school gate. The full package comprised a couple of fitness drills including running from the main gate to the neighbouring City primo school gate and back na ukumbuke ni pale kwa main Limuru road, alaf frog jumps while holding the ears (not an easy feat for guys of my caliber), then press ups ka fifty hivi na squats ka umepitishia mkono chini ya thayo na ukashika sikio, hio yote pamoja and to make matters worse all this happened kando ya road pale nje ya gate where ma3 zinapita, a sight to behold ukiniuliza. I don’t know how this bimbos came up with this crap. Knowing vv well Kush hangemek, they still had to find a way to crack me. Kawaida ukilemewa, case yako inakuwa adjourned adi jioni after classes for the VIP hearing off camera. Hapo ndo nlijipata hio siku.
Normally booking for the special hearing started with the accused surrendering the school ID na meal card to make sure he attends the private session without fail. The session was held after classes at the DT, an acronym for detention. For your info these 2 documents were the most important documents in Jamhu for one and the only reason, without them hungepata lunch. Na lunch was priority one kwa list in the life of a Dukesvillean. So hio siku nlikula lunch kama mabusu after everyone was done na ma cramps ndo zimebaki and this was after alot of convincing. Not the best way kujibamba sembe.
After classes ilibidi npitie pale DT, which was located on top of the dh and hapo they had all sorts of torture inventions to make a detainee’s visit a memorable one for the entire time one was a guest of the school. They had these pieces of paper cut nicelly and scribbled with the available punishment then folded into smaller pieces. There were four papers whereby I had to randomly choose two which would dictate the nature of my punishment. I quickly chose two and was instructed to open and read them aloud for all to hear.
The first paper was for me to sing the national anthem in my mama tongue and all the 3 stanzas for that matter and the second one was to kneel on the window frame facing the outside with one hand raised up and the other holding the hotuba that they had prepared on a piece of paper and which seemed to have seen better days, whose contents was crazy kusema ukweli.
How did I fair, your guess is as good as mine. The performance earned me another visit on the following day which was none the better. Eventually I was made to swim on the dust behind the dining hall and then released without a charge. What was your experience with the wakoloni mambo sasa during your NV days in high school.
