Long distance hunting

Baba Toto

Village Elder
A long time ago, before I bought my first car, I attended Safari Sevens.
I had been drinking all morning and when I got there, a senior relative decided I wasn't drunk enough. By four PM, I was at the Uhuru after supreme court judgement stage.
I met this girl from Eldoret and we hit it off. She said she was in town for the weekend and was going to Ngong town later on to stay at her cousin's place.
Being young, stupid and horny, I volunteered to take her there. The logic was that if I did, she would let me sleep over and I would be rewarded with punani.
By the time we left and got a matatu, it was dusk. We reached the stage she thought was the one and alighted. Kumbe it was wrong. I had a phone but it had no charge. She didn't have one.
Sema walking up and down the road looking for the house. In the dark. Sema realising there were no mats going back to town. And no taxis in sight.
Hours later, she finally spotted the right gate. Kumbe the cousin lives in a single room - with her boyfriend.
My fren, I was given a kasmall mat and shown the floor while the girl squeezed into the single bed, now carrying three pissed off adults. Kumbe this b***h hadn't even told them she was coming over.
As I lay there in the cold, now sober, I thought of my warm bed where I should have been and cursed alcohol and my umeffi.
From that day I never follow punani unless I know how to get back home or it is in a hotel I have paid for.