I have few minutes apa before nikalewe.Let me narrate to you a story of how I always see official marriage as a scam. Even though we’re here because of marriage. Really? Are we here because of marriage or because of unprotected coitus? Haizuru! Hainihusu ata ivo.
In 2017 I used to work at one known company apa Nairobi in a control department. The salary was good. 5 figures. Five figures si ndio kwanzia 100k kuendelea? Ama ni 6 figures? Yes hio. In the process, I happened to create friendship with two of my colleagues. We had a lot in
Common but alcohol was a unifying factor.
Ubeshte ikashika.Sasa Mike my Luhya friend who was also earning more money than us akahappen to fall in love.A serious one. Si hizi za chips kuku.He was also 30 and there4 ready to retire from the streets. Atuachie mimi na Dan.Tuendeleze
Audrey, whose real name was Wamboi was a very beautiful lady from Murang’a,she was then working at Two Rivers Mall. Sijui kazi yake exactly. Na sijui alipatana aje na Mike. Unajua sisi ‘shemeji’ hatuulizangi maswali mingi. As long as we get post match results.
Mnaelewa nikisema post match results? Us men we talk bwana. You must tell us the kind of a lady she is?Is she a tap lady or she’s a Yoghurt lady.Hio mnaget ama I should explain?Mnaget sio? Yes. So our boy used to give us the analysis.Sijui kama ilikuwa true but we trusted him.
In that relationship, there’s something I noticed. Wamboi didn’t love our boy. Unajua hio inajitokezanga tu. There’s no way someone who love you cha ukweli will gain courage to ORDER you to give them money as if umemuekea. “I want 50k by Tomorrow evening failure to which…”
“Why is it that you drive that Katoyota and your friend Kaelo drives Mercedes?Si I thought you’re their senior.” bwana the mfs had the audacity to compare him with us. My boy started having pressure za kununua gari ingine.Just to impress Wamboi.Sorry,Audrey.She didn’t like Wamboi
“Are you Sure Audrey love you mkubwa” “Yes. She love me so much. Infact I’m here to tell you that nataka kwenda Ruracio kwao” Jamaa alikuwa already kwa stage ya dowry negotiations. Bila kutwambia. Na jamaa aka insist bwana. I didn’t want to be part of that mess. Yees. Mess.
But unajua mimi nakuanga very eloquent. I’m this guy who know what to say ,how to say it and when to say it. I blend well with any age group. Sasa lazima tu ningekuwa kwa ‘wazee’ wa kupeleka Mike ukweeni. Is it Ukweeni? Yes. That one. And I was to be the spokesperson.
The day came. And it was on Wednesday. I didn’t understand why Wednesday but yes. It was on Wednesday. Tukajaza gari mafuta sisi hao,to Murang’a. A place called Kirwara.
We arrived at around 11am. Gate ikakuwa imefungwa. Pii pii. Hawafungui. Piii. So I was wondering, kwani they
didn’t know we were coming? Kumbe apo gate we were to bribe. Kuna jina waliita apo sikumbuki. 5k ndio gate ifunguliwe. Nikajua baas, sasa apa ni pesa inataka kusonga vile inafaa. Gate kufunguliwa there were so many people. And they were sitted in groups of gender and age.
To cut the long story short, ndio tuingie tusettle down,50k was gone. Ivo tu. Pesa naezalewa for a number of days na nipate mali safi pale Koinange street kwa bei ya jioni.Wazee wakakuja apo.Wakachant in Kikuyu language ,I didn’t get a thing.Mimi nilikuwa nishajam already .
I introduced myself and everyone we came with.Nikacrack jokes kiasi apo. Wazee walibambika nikadhani sasa they’ll be easy on us. Wapi! I think that lady collaborated with her family to exhorbit Mike.Apo everything revolved around money. Money was the topic.Ungedhani tuko church.
After a long story apo. The msichana wetu amesoma hadi university. The msichana wetu ni mrembo. The msichana wetu ako na tabia mzuri. The msichana wetu this the msichana wetu that. Tutataka brideprice ya 1 Million. Nilishtuka vile umeshtuka ivo.
One million. To buy headache. To buy someone who was going to give you hard time for the rest of your life.Ati he who finds a wife finds a good thing. A good thing kitu gani! You mean someone who is going to depend on me kwa kila kitu nimnunue kwa millioni moja?Kwani ni shamba?
I gave a fishy smile. Excused myself and left.
Never to think of marriage again. Nilionyesha utoto? Ee better nionyeshe utoto but nisikuwe part of that mess. Shame on you Wazees.
Eng. Ole_Kaelo