Times i think about my life, and it sure looks and feels like a movie …a horror movie with a pinch of mad, a dash of comedy, a sprinkle of What-the-hell, a whisper of money and a good serving of Devil-rules-women trouble. Try this.
Back when i was M4, much back when i was a young M4, after four semesters, i got one too many refers and decided to shelf the course for a bit. (Ftr, i went back after sometime and A-sed it). So i shelved it for for a bit, came to Nai, took a house in Ruai, and enrolled for a BA in KiM. I lived in a mabati plot, and i was the only single. The other tenants were family guys. My two door away neighbour was a Meno brown from Kiangai in Kirinyaga, and worked in Kangundo. He had a young family, one little kid and a wife. A younger sister to the guy served as a mboch. No names today.
The girl and i hit it off. We were good friends but for the six months she was there, i never took slices, solely because her bro and his wife watched over her like hawks. The time came for her to go back to Kirinyaga, and she came to my house to bid me farewell. It was on a sunday afternoon, and she was to leave on Monday morning. Some how, we connived to have her spend two days in my house. The plan was agreed to in less than fifteen minutes.
On monday morning, her and the bro left very early before six. As was norm, the wife locked the house and went back to bed. At the stage, they said their goodbyes, and the bro took a mat to Kangundo, while the girl took one to town. Soon as the bro mat took off, she alighted and came back to the very sleepy plot. My door was open, waiting for her like a kamba waiting for water.
We had our fun, for two days non stop. I met and topped the threshold twice. During the day , she peed in a Kasuku, and only went to the loo dead in the night. On wednesday morning, we left before five, and i kissed her good bye pale matatu za karatina.
Two months after that, i shifted to Dagoreti , went back to finish my course and life went on. Afterwards, i got a job, and got married. And Cess was born. We were now living in Zimmerman.
As common, mama needed a housegal. A friend to a friend to a cousin referred one and mama hired. So one day i came home from the office, and we had a new housegal. The minute i saw her, i went almost mad. I hugged her like nuts, infront of mamaa. It was that girl, from ruai, who i hadn’t seen in seven years. On her part, she broke down and wept like a baby, right there, on my living room floor. Mamaa was seing with her teeth. And, i swear, she went to her bag, and fished a pic of her and a young son… A six year old son, that looked very much like My daughter Cess. Told me he was my son.
There was total chaos in that house, i tell you. Mamaa screaming “Toka Kwangu malaya wewe”, the girl screaming " sitoki hapa ni kwa bwanangu, mimi ndiye mke mkubwa, " my son, ule wa the maasai girl who dropped her on my door and left , now four years, laughing like nuts, then Cess woke up and started howling. In a span of thirty minutes, my very peaceful house was turned into a madhouse, complete with a circus troupe. Nilichanganyikiwa ile hujawai ona.
When words fail me, i use my hands. A few slaps calmed down the two mad women, a few prison learnt insults took care of the neighbours and a tv smashing on the opposite wal put me back in control. Despite everything, we all spent in that house.
On the morrow, the gal, now mama Fan, went to her brothers place in Ruai, and came back with my son, walipitana kwa mlango na mama Cess, who left and vowed never to return.
Mama Fan became my wife, for a month, till a group of Meru vagabonds, high on kangeta, with Mama Cess in command came and chased her away. Mama cess regained her kingdom, with an additional son.
Eventually Mama Fan married, but we are still good friends. Fan, my boy, just graduated this week… He is home …here…playing outside with his five siblings…playing footbal at 10:37at night…with four giggling girls and a swwaring bro…all six are screaming like rabbits outside, making a full racket…disturbing the neighbourhood…non aware of what crap i have endured in their stead…but i would do it twice again four times for them…my clan
Hekaya on point I can relate.
:D:D:D Hekaya swafi. The things we men go through or rather put ourselves through. Wacha tu. :D:D:D
Lakini kids are a blessing.
Hehehehe. A real serving of madness.
Maximum respect to you. You’ve compressed so much life in the time you’ve been on God’s very own Earth.
And I’m sure you’ve not even hekaya’d us a quarter of it.
Hekaya deserves a movie pale nollywood
I Have no words…
Mamaa screaming “Toka Kwangu malaya wewe”, the girl screaming " sitoki hapa ni kwa bwanangu, mimi ndiye mke mkubwa, "
…
…
The looks my 2 sisters hapa wamenipatia, wacha tu. Nashuku they are hatching to have me taken to Mathare.
how does it feel to be the only sv who doesnt get “weka mbisha ama ni hekaya”
hekaya timam S.A. K.Kabeach
:D:D:D
This is Epic… That part about Meru vagabonds is just too funny
This would make a very fantastic script for these local comedies
Nimesoma apo kwa graduation nilikua nataka through pass, kumbe ni mtu amemaliza nursery o_O
Huyo amegraduate ni Fan, a boy. Guys, I thought we had a closet here who broke it?
Hekaya iko tops… this is living life to the fullest.
he he wewe na @pamba mume accomplish one thing nimeshindwa that is gathering all wild oats under one woman…am thinking next year on my birthday I test the waters by inviting them all under mzee @imei2012 on the agenda will be reordering the family among other things
:D:D:D noma sana, with such a coincidence you should be wary of being struck by lightning… twice! don’t live in Western Counties during the rainy season. Top Tip
I thought I had issues. Kumbe kuna wengine?
Hehehe. You guys have no clue what i have been through. This here ranks among the fair ones. Ebu on Xmas eve if i wont be too drunk, niwachapie about my xmas ya '07. Aki i deserve a lifetime tax holiday for what i have been through