I stood there astounded and perplexed, I couldn’t believe that Monica was the one who used to steal my stuff. Here we were standing in the sitting room of the house shocked as to why she could do this to me. All this time I was right about her. She was shaking like a leaf on Eucalyptus tree after being blown off by strong winds drenched in sweet you could think she had come straight from a Glasgow marathon representing Kenya in the 10,000 metres. The tense situation couldn’t help any further. The mood in the room had changed from happy to tensed in less than a minute. Michael was going to know the truth about her.
Michael and I met in high school. We became very good friends as we used to sleep in adjacent beds in the same cubicle since day one when we were ‘monos’ to the last day when we put fullstops on our KCSE answer scripts to signify the end of high school life. It was crazy back then since we did crazy stuff together. We could sneak go to the local town market take alcohol like there was no tomorrow and sneak back as if nothing had happened. We used to do it on Saturday evening during the entertainment session as no roll call was taken during that period. Even if it was taken, Gideon the class prefect got our backs and in return he would have ‘blunts’ to cool the night off. We also used to sneak to the neighbouring girls’ school to cool off our ‘steam’ and ensure our ‘engines’ still had the power to ‘fire’ incase the occasion arises. The best moment was during the exams we worked hand in hand to ensure no one between us failed. After much drinking and smoking you couldn’t expect us to perform better in our exams and thus the usage of our ‘second brain’. The way we stole the exams was so organized that we could put the ‘La casa de papel’ gangsters to shame with their master plan. No one failed but stealing too couldn’t make you pass the exams if you can’t comprehend what you are writing.
There were also bad moments too. I remember when I was suspended for being found with bhang in the school. How did it happen you ask?
I used to add ‘flavour’ to our food and it happens that my secret ingredient was some good kush which we used to source from a peddler nearby and he used to grow them in a green house he owned hidden between tomatoes no one could suspect him. It was so strong that Gideon blacked out after he had taken the first puff. I used to put it into the morning strong tea as we headed to morning preps, put in porridge, put it the 10 o’clock tea, put in the lunch meal and it extended to supper. So one day I had put the ‘secret ingredient’ into my food during lunch time and it happened that Aggrey the class jerk had tasted a spoon of my food when I was not aware. Some minutes later while in class he was feeling dizzy and he started hallucinating which prompted the teacher to send him to the school nurse and later taken to the school hospital with results showing he was high on THC. The jerk has snitched on me and that’s how I ended up being suspended indefinitely but to reduce stress on my dad I went to my maternal uncle who understood the situation and put up with him for three weeks before we were called back by Mr. Kingi the school deputy principal. You see I had given my maternal uncle’s number as my guardian’s number and I had lied that my dad was in South Africa working. I was given 20 of the best strokes. My uncle had to part with 20,000/- to make the situation calm down to which I repaid later while on holiday after doing some event job he had got me.
Michael got suspended too because one morning the senior teacher requested to have a taste of his strong tea. You see Michael used to fill his cup with the ‘KANE EXTRA’ alcohol that looked similar to strong tea and no one could notice it. Immediately after getting to class Mr. Obare the senior teacher and our Maths teacher happened to be on duty that week. Our class was the most notorious in the school and thus it was under constant supervision by teachers. So Mr. Obare had been staring Michael from outside the window and could see him how he pressed his face that face you produce when taking something bitter yes that one. He had watched him for some time and he was very convinced that that was not strong tea. Even if it didn’t have sugar it sure hell wouldn’t make him wrinkle his face to that extent. He walked in slowly and went straight to where Michael used was seated and asked him ‘Kijana hii strong tea yako inakaa baridi sana?’ Beforr even Michael got the chance to answer him Mr. Obare took hold of his cup and tasted his ‘strong tea’. For sure it was strong but it was not tea. Since Mr. Obare wasn’t a drunkard he squirmed so hard that the attention of the class shifted. My brother I think your definition of ‘strong tea’ is differrent from that of mine. Let’s meet in the office that’s how he was suspended. His suspension was not that bad and he served two weeks at home, and dug and 6 foot long and wide dustbin. In that if he was to sleep horizontally the hole could fit his 6 foot height and if he stood the nothing was to be seen not even a piece of his hair. Among all that we still passed and proceeded to university. We all passed and scored a B+ of 68 points but scored different grades in the different subjects.
One year down the line after we were in the University of Nairobi. It happened that I went in to do Computer science under the parallel program as with regular program my cluster points were not enough. Michael was lucky to do the Bachelor of Commerce degree under the regular program. My dad had to sell a piece of land to support my tuition fees. I used to commute from home Michael used to stay in the university hostel. We used to meet mostly on weekends where we could go out raving to clubs along Moi Avenue. With money got from online betting my Fridays were awesome to say the least. Michael had developed this weird fetish which he didn’t have while in high school. He developed an insatiable appetite to have sex almost all the time. The appetite was so bad that he used to have sex with three ladies in a day. One in the morning, another in the afternoon and one overnight. He used to engage in coital combats so much you would think he was competing with someone to break the World Guiness Records. His hostel pals nicknamed him pornstar. The ladies used to come back for more sexual combats again and again. With all those sexual escapades he didn’t manage to get any single STI or some nasty infection. Some people are born lucky. He played women like he was playing chess. One instance even left the school hostel windows broken to pieces after numerous ladies turned un announced and there’s nothing greater than women who hate the same man. His sexual prowess even led to him shagging a 48 year old woman together with her 2 daughters. He fucked the mother first and weeks later finished with her 2 daughters in a threesome talk of ‘kukula kuku na vifaranga wake’
I was to graduate a year and a half earlier than Michael but due to the universities un ending strikes and constant deferments due to fees led to us graduating the same year. After graduation I was lucky to get a job with a company in town. The salary was good I couldn’t complain and after 2 months I started looking for a house to stay alone. My pick was in TRM due to the highway and the availability of Safaricom Fiber which would lead to an end in constant thiefing by the telecom company.
N/B: THIS IS NOT A TRUE HEKAYA LIKE MY PREVIOUS ONES BUT WORK OF FICTION