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Lifestyle Religion, Spiritualism & Philosophy
1

Iko shida gani pungoma. Naskia iko Bible Mpya.

Four months after the mysterious death of Jehovah Wanyonyi, a man terming himself the last prophet from God to mankind has cropped up in Bungoma county.
Nabii Yohana (V) from Nandoli village, Kanduyi constituency, was born on February 15, 1941. The 75-year-old has 36 wives and 99 children.
He said he is the third prophet God has sent to earth, “after Moses and Jesus Christ”.
Yohana has produced his own bible with 93 books, 27 more than those in the book used by Christians. He has also come up with 12 commandments, two more than what God gave Moses at Mt Sinai.
He said his bible is known as ‘Agano Mpya na ya Mwisho (the new and last translation)’, seeing as he is the last prophet from God.
Some of the books in the bible are ‘Geoffrey’, ‘Agnes’, ‘Immanueli’ and ‘Mfarisayo Paulo’, said the self-proclaimed prophet.
Yohana said he only has one copy of the bible but will produce others with the help of well-wishers

The Star

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2

hii haiwezi kosa kitabu cha ‘unga’
but surely waluhya mtu akifikisha bibi 30 anakuwa mungu???

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3

And for those with more than two wives,how doea one keep track of all the wives’ nyege?

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4

Kuna kabila ingine kweli iko na wazee wana mabibi 30?

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5

sijawai skia ingine

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6

Muranga mabibi ,mgombe kila kitu ! Wengi hawatoshi

7

in Maa land you can marry as many as you like.

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If you can feed 30 women with an appetite the size of rift valley indeed you are a “god” of sorts.

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9

then add 90+ kids with a similar appetite

10

This is how other religions started. Hata yesu alianza hivi tu. by very clever madmen… Hahaha

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11

Hiyo story nimeona the star na Christians wameshikamoto mbaya pale kwa comments, hawajui ata yao ilianza hivyo.

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12

No! Pastafarianism is the true religion! Let’s pray:
Our pasta, who art in a colander,
Draining be your noodles.
Thy noodle come,
Thy sauce be yum,
On top some grated parmesan.
Give us this day our garlic bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trample on our lawns.
And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza,
For thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever.

R’Amen.

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I thought we agreed the undisputed Team Mafisi Chairperson was/is/will always be Akuku Danger, he is not Bukusu. This new prophet simutambui.