MURATHE

Kwa kila mtaa kuna jamaa ambaye ni garagaria, yeye ndie hupewa all the odd jobs including petty errands, kuosha gari, kufyeka nyasi, mara ametumwa dukani, kuchota na kupandisha maji kwa gorofa, kupeleka bike za watoto kwa fundi etc etc, the list is long. The guy is generally not so bright you can call him a dimwit but he is a darling to everyone as he is very obedient ata kaa analipwa pesa kidogo, everyone loves him coz si mwizi na pia wale hawafikishi threshold maybe anawasaidia.

Hapa kwetu mtaani jamaa anaitwa Murathe na anakuaga na madrama kweli, sijui alitokoka Murarandia pande gani akajipata hapa 001 coz ile ushamba anakuaga nayo inahitaji maombi ya all televangelists combined, ile kitu mie humtuma ni Gibleys peke yake saa ile sijiskii kwenda out (na mafegi siku zile nilikua navuta) after zile vituko amenonyesha. 1) kunasiku nimemtuma shopping kidogo usiku kwa kiosk anunue kanyama ka soo sukuma mosquito coil na tissue, jamaa kurudi aliweka kila kitu kwa fridge. 2) siku ingine import ikamtuma mahamri ya blue asubuhi, jamaa alirudi saa tano after kuzunguka bamburi yote akitafuta mahamri, kumuuliza why the delay akasema yeye alikua anaona mahamri za brown peke yake. 3) early one morning kaa ametumwa kongowea na mama mboga I gave him a lift on the truck na kufika mtopanga posta nikampatia funguo nanikamwambia number, juu nilikua kwa barabara nikasongeza gari mbele kidogo, after kindu 3 minutes while I was wondering why the delay jamaa akaja akaniambia mlango haifunguki ikabidi nipark vizuri nikajifungulie, weuh, nilipata myamaa kwa main door ya posta akingangana akiishake na fujo kweli, passersby walikua washaanza kusimama waone ni nini kinachoendelea, bahati yetu there were no police on patrol tungewekwa ndani na attempted breakin, in shock nikachukua funguo nanika muonyesha pale masanduku ziko.

Ile kitu ilifanya nimalizane naye kabisa ni ile siku alinibadilishia puncture, kumbe jamaa hakukaza nut za front left tire, thank God tire ilitokana kaa bado niko ndai ya estate alafu nut tatu zilikua zimepotea, I still shudder nikifikilia kaa ingetokana kwa highway ingekuaaje, I had to borrow nuts from the other tires and from that day ata mech akiguza tire lazima nizizunguke na spanner tena niconfirm ziko sawa.

Well, you might be wondering why am boring you with hekaya ya Murathe, jana juu ya ujinga wake karibu afe, saa hii ningekua nampatia hekaya tofauti. Theres a neighbor of mine mungu amembariki na ameanza kudevelop kaplot kake, kitu ya kwanza after all the plans na mafundi hua ni kumwaga materials na mtu huanza na mchanga na mawe, mchanga ya huku hua yatoka Voi au Malindi and its as fine as beach sand tafauti hua ni rangi tu juu beach sand iko white, hainaga zile grain kubwa kaa ya ukambani, ata due to the fineness of the sand nyumba zetu after plaster hua hazipigwi nilo, fundi huvuta steel vizuri mara kadhaa na hua yatokea poa sana.

Mtu akitaka mchanga bila kupitia broker hua anaenda Malindi road hapo pirates kugojea lori zikitoka mtoni na hapo ndipo my neighbor alipata TATA wakaelewana bei. Kufika kwa site Murathe alikua standby kuonyesha @introvert pale atamwaga mchanga, after kuinua jecki shida ya TATA ikatokea, mlango ikadinda kufunguka, Jecki ikainuliwa juu kabisa lakini wapi, the door was stuck, Murathe na ujinga wake akachukua jiwe and banged on the door, hii mlango ya TATA simnajua hinges yake zinakuaga hapo juu, acha zile lock ziko chini ziachilie mlango ifunguke na kufumba na kufumbua Murathe disappeared, Murathe was well and truly buried under 17 tons of sand.

Quick action by my neighbor na deree and being Sunday most guys were at home saved the day, manduru zilipigwa and within a minute the area was a beehive of activity raia ikichimba mchanga na mikono na miguu, Murathe alifukuliwa after four very long minutes na akakimbizwa kwa Dr. @Luther12 kaa bado ako na mchanga kwa mapua na mdomo. God is great Murathe hakutuacha lakini doc alisema kaa angekaa another two minutes he would have been history.

Musiniulize mbisha ziko wapi, mie nimeingia asubuhi ndio nikapewa story alafu samavicom ikaanza maringo zake, nimetoka kumpa Murathe pole na ako poa, anasema Mungu alikua anamuita akakataa kuitika.

@Electronics4u ambia watu huko murarandia waje wamchukue Murathe naona maisha ya Mombasa imemlemea na @introvert muache kudanganya watu eti TATA ya beba 21 tons.

Ingekua ni kokoto imebeba

Hii ndio imenimaliza.
:D:D:D:D

Darwin’s Award Honorable mention.

murathe = @byro

Hehehe
Shots fired

Hiyo ya mahamri…:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Earlier today pale Bangladesh
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Just a matter of time hizi tractor zita angushia mtu container

Shait…Naogopa hizo vitu na roho yangu yote

Huyo jamaa ni mtukutu sana!

Umefuga mijinga kwako.

Sisi kama watu wa murarandia tunadai dereva alikuwa na njama ya kumuua kijana wetu. Mungemwambiaje afungue mlango kama haidrolik iko juu?

@introvert jibu mashtaka

@Meria Mata never dissappoints hekaya iko point…sasa apa Eastlando garagaria ya apo ilipewa kasquad ya kuosha ka wines and spirits alafu sisi tulikua twatoa lock coz ilikua sunday morning tena ile ya easter…sasa usually the toilets coz ya harufu mbaya ya meffi + urine uoshwa na concentrated acid + marashi ndio imalize harufu…so mwenye hio pub alikua ameweka hio acid kwa chupa ya Kibao ile ya quarter…mujamaa kuichecki nayy alikua na lock akajua baaaaas…akachukua akafungua akanusa…sisi tuliskia tu duru uko kwa washrooms plus chupa ikivunjika…tulicheka yetu yote alafu ikabidi tumemnunulia mzinga ya kibao juu ya hio ushujaa

Lakini kusema ukweli we huandika hekaya sa ngapi alafu unaendesha izzi vitu saa ngapi

Firstly,Meria na Huu umri wote hujawahi taja watoto.

Hii hekaya iko on point. We had a watchman kitambo with same issue. Alikuwa na kichwa kubwa than normal kofia ya soldier alikuwa anawekelea kwa utosi. Few days into the job I remember tumetoka safari mrefu with my bro alafu tunapiga honi kwa gate. Jamaa alikuwa anababaika for like 5 minutes hivi hapo ni kama anatafuta keys. He later comes to say, “Sir, I misplaced the keys”…na kizungu kwanza. Gari ikalala nje. He found the keys next morning.

He got fired a few months later when we found him leaving the house wearing my clothes and shoes. He left kama amezivaa, we call those clothes golden hand shake.

Hakuna mtu hufanya job 24hrs, wakti Niko free ndio na andika hekaya and it only takes a few minutes

Hii hapa story iko na watoto
https://www.kenyatalk.com/index.php?threads/ankleversary-july-31-2011.28023/

The only statement that makes sense kwa hii uongo ni ‘na mafegi siku zile nilikuwa navuta’… I envy you bro.

Nani anaona @Meria Mata hapo kwa side mirror?