Last year I moved into this new town in Rift Valley and kama kawaida nilikua na ma mioto ya ku explore the night life here.
I am not an alcoholic, but I love spending my weekends somewhere, relaxing with my favorite whiskey or brandy while listening to some cool music. I had gotten fond of this one pub in particular because it was cool, hakuna kelele mingi and an in-house VDJ, nice lounge seats and sharp waiters, plus the patrons here were a bit civilized sio kama hizo joint zingine mara mtu ana kuomba drinks, mwengine amepitisha limit na ku black out/ kutapika or those who just love picking fights when drunk.
Among the reasons I liked this joint, was this one waitress. She had a dark compexion, not too short, well endowed and offered pretty quick services which was impressive given that I never had to shout to summon her, it was like she could sense whenever I needed a refill and she never asked me once, “nikuletee kama kawaida?” hehe I really hate hearing that, nikiskia nimeulizwa ivo nahama iyo base ama I make myself very rare.
So every weekend I’d be served by the same waiter, though she wasn’t attractive I sometimes wondered what it would feel like tapping that ass from behind, damn, she knew how to work it whenever she walked. Brrrr. That ass always made me tip her handsomely, ubaya wake tu she was hostile to male advances and had very hard hitting insults, this made me coil my tail and tame any fisi attributes in me, I am the kind of guy who wouldn’t know how to react to an insult from a woman, and a not so aesthetically refreshing at that!
This went on for a while till she got fired, I was bummed, I was going to miss that gluteal entertainment so bad, anyway I had drinks to drink and hopped they would hire a better replacement. One Friday as I am imbibing my concoction, the music is so loud that day and I am almost drunk, I am debating with myself wether I have achieved my drinking limit so I can go, I hear a gentle tap on my shoulder, I turn around and whose face am I met with, none other than Faith the waitress with a sly smile and red eyes. I quicky realise she must be drunk, I never knew she drinks, this is new. I invited her over next to me on my seat and before long we were talking like old time buddies, she was so chattty, I thanked the gods as my hands started making headway in her nether regions, she suprisingly had an ample bossom with perky nipples, 
eh, like I like my chicken. Before long I was odering more drinks, showed my limit the middle finger, who gives an f right?
Sometime late in the night I checked on my watch and it was past midnight, I never stay out past midnight because I love my sleep, I told Faith I was leaving, out of nowhere she gave me a kiss, at first I was revulsed like wtf! But then things started happening in my loins I couldn’t control, I was on autopilot now being led by the powers below. I asked Faith, “form ni gani babe? (well that excalated quickly:D )” next thing I know we are on a boda boda, heading to her place, by now I am too drunk to protest plus I am looking forward to getting laid, Faith looks so attractive now, wow.
We get to her place, it’s dark she opens the door, sweep! Niko kwa matress, next thing I know she is on top of me ridding away, meanwhile I am half concious half blacked out somehow I maintain an erection, I can feel it going in and out, before long we are spent and we go sleep, that’s what I assume anyway…
Next morning, I wake up holding a boob, I open my eyes in suprise and the face that meets me, oh God, hii ni nini tena, the morning wood I had immediately liquiefies, as if on cue she also wakes up with a smile. My mind replays the events of yesterday albeit in patches, I can’t remember wearing n a condom, shit! I was so horrified, I shot out of bed, lied to her that I had to go to work, got dressed while taking in the room we were in, it was squalid, made of mabati and the mattress was on the floor, I gave her some money.
I got out of there so fast, praying to all the gods I know, please don’t let me catch aids oh heavenly father, I promise I will serve you for ever. I couldn’t wait for Monday so I could go test myself, as if an infection could show that soon. Monday came I wss the first at the VCT, I explained what had happened and they offered PEP, me knowing what those meds do to you, nikakata corner after kupata negative results.
Five days later my dick started feeling funny, it was itchy on the the inside, next day I was peeing pus and pee ended with searing pain, I was loudly swearing in the urinals, people must have been wondering why I hated kukojoa ivo hehe. I was terrified of peeing, I just couldn’t take it any more. I found myself self in a clinic the next day, they ran some test and I was told that I I had NGU(non gonococcal urethritis)! "Yani daktari niko na gonorrhea?! I was given some meds and after some three days of taking them I felt better.
I never stopped drinking then, despite the promise I had made to God, I had too much stress thinking of how if she had given me a bacterial infection what were the chances it also came with Viruses in tow, BOGOF offer shait!
After some four four months I went for a retest, and to my deepest relief it came out negative, I swore nefa effa again would I lay some random Lanye. Sometime that month I bumbed into Faith, all I could tell her was, “Aki ulinichoma Fai!” 
:D:D:D:D:D:D
Hope ulifikisha threshold ya kijiji
The cycle is bound to repeat itself only that the second time round bila CD utatoka na kile umeishi ukitafuta. Hapo ndo utajua even God gives second yellows and red cards
Akajibu aje,maybe she knew her status,yakuchoma walevi wajinga ,.kama wewe
hii story iko na red herrings mingi kuonyesha ni uwongo , we are very experienced in what you are trying to describe in your magination .
- first ushasema ulifurahia matako yake ukiwa sober , so why the surprise ukiamka subuhi
- second asubuhi ukiamka hata kama ulibeba salamander ukatomba huwezi react as if umeamka ukpata mami wota kwa bed , ati uliamka kama umetoka mbio na nguo kwani wewe ni mwizi
- Hata PNC iki check inn huwa unajifanya gentleman kiasi ndio utoke ama ufukuze dem with state of the art excuses
- unaendaje kwa dem na humjui yet hukuwa umelewa hivo since umesema you love your sleep na ulijuwa its 12 past your bed time so ulikuwa tu sober kwa bar
-PEP haipeanwi tu ovyo kama maembe
-ulijuaje tuu umepata STI
nimechoka
verdict : hizi ni zile story moses alipigia yesu wakielekea pale Tehran ku preach .
mdau,niulize kuma huwa inachoma mtu aje,huko ndani kuna jiko?
Kufa polepole
U won’t be cured of the 25 cancer causing HPV viruses and herpes ulipewa na “fai” which are undetectable.
This guy anaKula Malaya raw and anafikiria alitokelezea scot free :D:D
Wewe nugu shida yako inakuwaga nini, sema tu unataka effidence. Maggot Bukusu! Sti nilipimwa nika ambiwa, pia sti utajua na symptoms, tuliza kiherehere mzee
You are so fixated with your Human papiloma Virus narative, nani alikuambia kila dame ako nayo. Someone really scared you shitless
Sawa badoo dry fry artist
Aliruka story mbaya sana na kuvaa sura ya chui
I have read the comments wacha sasa nisome hekaya
Bro I feel you. Utawaona ktalkers condemning you like they are fwakin virgins. These things happen to men
Siwesi
Siwesi na siwesi tena rudia kuingia shimo ya nyoka:D
Says the guy who fucks badoo and tinder whores. Kijana wewe ni mjinga kweli kweli
True, It wasn’t by my free will, I was under the influence. I learnt my lessons though
‘…bumbed into Faith…’ What does this mean?
Hehe msito ebu ambia hii hypocrite, hajui kuna vitu kama chancroid, herpes na pubic lice zenye hazitambui Kondiko
Osungu.dll