Mgeni WA serikali
" beba beba "
"Tao hamsa , juja thate, githu hamsa, beba " that was me at gatitu junction as you enter thika town.
This was back in 2017 when life had fucked me up hard I decided to be a jaza man for ma3 za thika road. At one point u would find me in juja stage, the other minute in weteithie and most of the time in gatitu stage.
For each ma3 we filled we would get 20/= bob kama in bus that would be 50/= Bob . we had our own sacco of jaza jaza composed of 10 guys and gatitu was our territory.
On a good day I used to make 900-1500/= n life was good the 1st three weeks before the devil came riding in a pig turning everything upside down.
It so happened that the then OCS of Thika got transferred together with the thika main police post men in blue , meaning that we were to expect new terms .
The new OCS was a no nonesence and immediately he got into office he declared to get rid of muggers, idlers , and conmen in thika town . tukidhani no jokes the 4th day in office nikasikia mucene kina brayo, Sammy na. Oti walibebwa wakijaza gari pale U-shop Thika . I enquired kama walijaribu kutoa kitu kidogo but was told the officers didn’t demand any cash nikubebwa kama gunia la viazi na kupigwa rungu za kichwa ukipelekwa cell, the next day kotini. Waaaaaah .
So me n timo mah workmate decided to keep our eyes open just in case the grandtiger was ever spotted…
It was a Friday morning n I remember very well it was kitu 4p.m tayari in my pocket I had 450/= and I guess timo had slightly less or more like mine.
It was then that a 2TS Nissan stopped and needed atleast 10 customers , we had a task n a job here……
“Timo kaa macho na utafute kasiii, poa” I told timo As I blew mabinjaaaaaaaaa whiiuuuuuuu whiiiiiiiiiiiiiii tao beba .
In 3 mins we had two sits remaining when I spotted two young men maybe in their mid or early twenties , I approached them tapped them on the shoulders n tried to pull n persuade them “mnaenda wapi, ? Hii inaondoka sahuuu” I said to them ……
Part 2 cuming.
respect to bob collimore rip
Mgeni WA serikali part 2
The two young men one was short wearing a blue track suit and the other was a tall guy wearing a khaki trouser and a Chevrolet T-shirt he seemed like a die hard Chelsea fan , he also had a back bag pack.
"Tao ngapi ? "
“Sabini had CBD” I replied stretching my arm to direct them to KBE 234D shuttle as timo glanced from the door whistling “twendee” .
Something strange happened , the short guy jumped and held my navy blue jumper , pointing mguu ya kuku at me , kwa wale hawajui mguu ya kuku no pistol.
"Nyinyi ndio mugiki munahagaisha RAIA " the tall one said giving me a heavy slap in my face , timo kuona hivyo akaruka akitaka kuvuka the busy highway kwa bahati mbaya au nzuri he slipped and rolled over the lami karibu akanyagwe na lorry ya mchanga .
Hii kunona ya timo aki.
The two guys got distracted n I pulled myself away running towards the government cementary opposite the busy garrisa road .
Nyuma nilikua tu naskia mitasho kubwa kubwa catching up on me .
“Simama au nifyatue” I could here from behind.
Mimi nani nikaweka gear 5 as I used to participate in long races back in the days in kamenu primary school.
Huyoo Mimi ndani ya cementary kuruka misaraba vile MTU huruka London marathon.
In front of me there was a burial taking place , nikaingia ndani ya crowd , but the small crowd was my final destination , nyangau yenye iko nyuma ika shout "mwiziiiiii shika "
Sema team building kudeal na Mimi for few minutes. I felt they should just kill me n bury me pamoja na whoever was been buried . I even remember the preacher akinichapa teke ya kahasho nikagaragara karibu niingie kwa shimo la wafu 6x6.
"Twaaaaaa, risasi ya kwanza, twaaaaa ya pili "
The crowd dispersed n I was handcuffed and thrown to a waiting mariamuuu . mariamuu in kile kilori cha polisi hufagia wa2 usiku, my eyes could barely see but I could tell that was timo breathing next to me like a bull on heat.
In few minutes we were inside thika police station kwa cells waiting for the worst ……
Part 3 cuming
Mgeni wa serikali part 3
At the police post
"OB , OB , OB "
Was still ringing in my head, I cudnt believe the charges , eti loitering and causing disturbance in public , it was either 5k each or the following day tupelekewe Thika law courts .
"Pigia MTU wenyu akuje away bail out "
Nikakopa credo and called the only person who could bail us out. The leader of our jaza jaza sacco maina who later came at 6p.m .
Maina came at exactly 6:08 p.m as I remember the Hesse in charge akimwambia nakupa 20 mins by 6:28 uwe umemalizana na hao mugiki.
“Mnaendelea aje wazito” that was Maina asking .
“Wewe unaonaje , can’t u see tuko kwa cell wewe uko outside the cell” timo said before I cut 'em short.
“Sema umekuja kututoa Maish”
“Yah I have come to bail u out give me a min I talk to the officer in the OB desk” . maina
N off he went leaving us in that cell that had all sort of characters , the guys in there looked dangerous kwanza kuna mmoja alijiita onyiii , waaaaah onyii was bracing how he broke his wives both arms after he found out he was carrying a child not his…… gff where the fuck were we ?
In the farthest corner there was a bucket overflowing with feaces n mkojo , the stench was unbearable , ma fresher kama sisi were to sleep near that bucket in the cold floor .
There was this guy inside , well built physic ungethani in john cena , he kept glancing at timo n here singetaka ufafanuzi zaidi , hapa niliona MTU akichunishwa sukuma .
"If anything happens n I don’t make it , tell my wife muthoni I loved her " timo whispered to me b4 his eyes met with john cena fake.
"Usiogope nitakuonyesha form tulia "
“Macharia n timothy” kujeni , an askari knocked the steel bars n summoned us to follow him .
"Tumetoboa " I said to myself not sure of the surprise ahead .
FFWD
Maina had sad news n good news , the sad news was that he had 5k to bail only one of us, the bad news was that one of us would be left n be bailed either the following day or 3 days from then .
"Wacha nitoke 1st nitakukujia kesho " said timo .
"Mbona Mimi nisitoke nikukujie kesho " I replied angrily , I was not ready to spend any more second with those animals in that cage
…….
“Sasa tufanyenje?” Maina was puzzled .
I thought kidogo then was like
“Maina hiyo 5k to a 2 k uende ununue mikate crate mbili , maziwa packet 20 , na sigara za roster packet sita, 1k honga huyo askari bidhaa zitupate kwa cell tukeshe hapa weekend till Monday tufike kotini, we we tukujie after uamuzi WA koti” was my suggestion .
All of us agreed and an officer was to bring those stuffs in the cell we were in.
After kendo 20 mins ,sisi ndio tulikuwa kusema hiyo cell, onyi na rede take pako moja ya rosta na broadways NNE na packet za maziwa .
John cena na rede take pia tukawachafua na zile magoodies.
Sijui koloo (weed) ilitoka wapi plus kuna inmate mmoja suguu from kiandutu alikuwa na teje iko round speaker ghetto radio.
The weekend tukajinyce vifyam kule ndani , tho still missing home.
FFWD ,
“Mahabusu watarajiwa in Siku ya mashtaka,” the officer ordered us out immediately after we drank our morning porridge , to me it tasted sweeter hata kama haikuwa na sukari au maziwa.
We were allowed to wear our shoes and the waiting lorry waited for us.
The courts are 200m away from the police post so it was a 1 min journey . Monday is usually a very hectic day n I swear the judge listening to our case alikuwa na hangs au alichapwa na bibiye.
Mgeni WA serikali
Part 4
Part 4 mgeni WA serikali
Woiiiiiiii what was happening . I was to enter a courtroom for the 1st time. The only mahakama I knew was vioja mahakamani ngai. I had no lawyer .
Kufika kotini the court was jammed as there was an ongoing case before ours. I got to learn the ongoing case had attracted media attention and paparazi from all media outlets were there, bloggers, youtubers like " Macharia WA Kamau TV" journalist from KTN, Kameme, radio jambo, Qtv, ntv and even international ones from Aljazeera and CNN . I felt like shouting Am innocent and divert attention to my case ,but my legs were trembling kama magoti ya mabishop WA nganga wakitolewa matuta.
The case was the famous case of mass abduction of children , kidnapping and child trafficking.
The suspects offences were read by an old judge I bet in Early 60’s na kuvumba kuvumbua the judge hammer fell on the bench “38 years or a bail of 99 million each of the 5 suspects who were in their early twenties” .
Kusikia hivyo maji ikajaa kwa tumbo , magoti ikaisha grease nikaanza kuona marundurundu . was the world spinning in opposite direction ?.
The suspects waliondolewa hapo ,and the media followed them in waiting prison van together with 60% of the court attendants .
" Next"
It was me and timo on the offenders bench,
The judge read some files which were placed in his table. Akatoa glasses then stared at us as if we were planing to bomb the courtroom .
Some skinny dude read to us our offences.
“Mnamo mwezi WA pili, tarehe sita mwaka huu WA ………….mnashtakiwa kwamba bwana Macharia WA Kamau na timothy njeru mlipatikana na kosa la usumbufu na kukosesha wananchi WA Jiji la thika amani , na pia kosa la kuumiza afisa WA kitengo cha traffic uso kwa kumugonga ngumi, jeee mnajibu aje mashtaka haya”.
Woiiiiii what was I supposed to say , tried to open my mouth and all I could see were 101 years in jail n hard labour na hata sijaowa .
" mshatakiwa jibu swali" the judge shouted .
“Jibu LA au NDIO.” The prosecutor ordered us .
“LA”
Na jee washtakiwa mtajitetea ?"
“NDIO” we answered
Timo lifted the bible and said he was just a traveller travelling to Nairobi on the said date and he never understood why he was under arrest.
As for my turn the moment I held the bible ready to say the whole truth I found my self about to say “praise God” but I got back to my senses. I told the court I have a wife with 3 kids and m the breadwinner plus I too was an innocent passerby at the scene of the arrest.
Kidogo it was the judges time to pass the judgement.
He coughed kidogo then
"Washtakiwa……………….the court finds u guilty and sentences you to 3 months in thika prison or a cashbail of 10k each "
My eyes rotated like those of a chameleon in the courtroom and maina our rescuer seemed sad , it was obvious he couldn’t raise the 10 k for each of us hivyo ni sisi na serikali.
Vile tuliondolewa pale to a waiting grandtiger hata chini hatukukanyanga , my freedom nilikua naionea VIUSaSA by then .
Like terrorist suspects our next destination was Thika main prison …….
What happened ?
Stick here am cuming wacha nikunywe glass ya maji
Mgeni Wa serikali
Grand entry in men prison.
Part 5
“Nyinyi sasa si raia ni mahabusu”
Prison warden commander said in a big voice as we made a queue entering the ‘cursed land’.
Timo was behind me in the queue as we entered through a small steel door to register ourselves.
Sijawai tolea mwanaume mwenzangu kladii yani nguo but ukishajiregista you were required to strip naked , the bend over as if unataka kupeana rasa for them to see you were not hiding any stuff in yah ass, aki na wale hawaoshangi matako walipata nyahunyo moto moto.
.
After that u retained your clothes but no belt or any metallic object.
The next phase was a parade kama ile ya shule .
"Mahabusu karibuni kwenye kituo hichi cha marekebisho , lazma ufuate hizi Sheria za hapa Ila sivyo ukipate chapte makuni . Sheri ya kwanza
1: chakula saa Moja asubuhi , cha jioni saa kumi mchana.
2. Usafi kitu cha maana , uniform mtaichukua after this parade, kuoga ni lazma na nguo ifuliwe daily.
3. Hakuna mambo ya ushoga hapa , akikwambia chukua sabuni imeanguka kataaa.
4. Hapa si kenpiski , hapa kazi lazma, kuna kazi ya kuosha hospitali jirani, kuna kazi ya quarry, kuna kazi ya shamba, kuna kazi ya jikoni pia
Sheria zingine Mingo pia nikawa read…
After parade we were taken to a large hall with very many clothes , we were given 1 min to choose the official uniform from a heap.
Mimi huyo nikichagua kinyasa na sharty filimbi ikapulizwa
“Time up, yenyewe umeshika ndiyo yako”
Me I grabbed a short n a shirt , which I changed into, kumbe the short ilikuwa na miguu mmoja tu nyingine ilikuwa imeraruruka kuanzia Kwa matako , sharty nayo ilikuwa na mkato kubwa kama zile za Malaya Wa rwambogo Thika ,Kwa mgongo waaaaaaaaah .
" Mahabusu mavazi yako ya Kijiji rusha Kwa hii katon "
One warden directed us to a big katon where we threw our clothes n dressed in the so called uniform or Shud I call 'em rags.
Timo yake ilikuwa imepasuka matako , Tako zote zilikuwa nje kama chimpanzee . I felt like laughing but I remembered this is just the 1st day , 59 more to go.
Next stop we were shown our dormitories , kama hajawai ona kunguni iki smile don’t dare break the law.
In company of other mahabusu we were taken to a small cubicle that could carry a capacity of 5 but here the capacity was 18.
Kupewa godoro na blanketi singe tofautisha kati ya godoro na mattress both were like a piece of karton spread.
…
…
Part 6 cuming
Part 6-7-8-9
Mgeni Wa serikali
Part 6
…day 2…
The 1st night in Thika main prison Block E seemed like 7 nights, the bedbugs had tasted new fresh blood n I bet they were thirsty for more .
I recalled trying to sleep but the mattress waa 5 cm thick , same as the blanket. I tried to figure out how I could manage a prison break but nikikumbuka mtutu Wa risasi the thought faded away. The worst fear was been raped as I had often heard most inmates were sexually starved n greedy as hyenas kwanza the rapist inmates waaaaaaaaah, I slept one eye closed the other open fearing for the worst.
By 5a.m kingora ikalia , the wardens hit the metallic door grills demanding all newcomers assemble behind block D for duties allocation , shaving of dreadlocks and pending orientation.
“Mahabusu wote , nikikohoa mnaitika” senior warden Omondi said .
“Hachyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”
In unison “yes sir”.
“Inaonekana sigara na Bangi zimefunga vifua vyenu, on the count of 3 mkimbie 5 rounds mzunguke block A,B,C and D”
“1…2…3…”
Nakwambia tulitimuka mbio nyuma makachero Wa jela wanatunyeshea manyahunyo.
This reminded be back in 2007 when I had tried to go to Thika Stadium for police recruitment , I had passed all steps since I had the minimum requirement C- kcse result, good physical attribute and complete dental formula. One police commandant in charge of the exercise picked 100 of us at random and said we follow him as he did some funny drills in the pitch.
“I remember , one guy whispering to me, " BRATHE TuMeTOMboa riu twi thigari cia traffickiii”, "
Wen we approached the Thika Stadium main gate we were told to do 12 push-ups and after the pushups the drill master shouted “JINGA NYINYI , miguu komboo na vifua flat mutimue mbio outside this stadium u Didn’t qualify”. He said then cocked his riffle tulitoka kama kipchonge pale…
Back to the story inside Thika prison…
Niogezeee volume au?
7: mgeni Wa serikali
By 4th round , I felt like I could just drop n pretend m dead but vile nyahunyo zinatunyeshea I had to try my best n complete the last lap, timo the fat boy kama Yule singer Wa kansol madtraxx alikuwa anakimbia akilia but ahead of me in a group of 30 more inmates .
Whoever wrote prison life ain’t a holiday camp hakukosea . After the laps we made 4different queues , the
1 st queue those aged 17-30 years.
2nd queue 30-38 years
3rd queu. 38-48 years
4th queue 48+ , this queue had only 6 wazee in their mid 50’s I got to understand one was a school headmaster who had slept with 8 class 6 gals impregnating 5 of 'em .
Queue 1 n 2 had the majority of us , pickpocketers, burglars, wezi Wa kuku, hawkers n male prostitutes , waaaaaah I bet this was the version of hell on earth .
Here we had to give our medical reports , I overheard if u had a serious medical issue you had a small work task . When it came to my turn “kijana uko na shida ya mwili ?”
I had to think fast else end up in the mines .
“Eeeeeeeh Niko Na shida ya mwili”
He looked at my physic body then
“Shida ngani ?”
" Nilifanywa surgery ya red alterical venacava karibu na left krypt of liberkun na pia sipendi kuoga na maji baridi napatanga pheneumonia".
"Hehehehe kijana unavuta Bangi ya kiandutu eeeeeeeh, "
Niendeleeeeeeeeee?
8: mgeni Wa serikali
, The warden doctor looked at me then scribbled somethings in the file
“Inmate suffering from mental dilusion, can work properly in the quarry”
Why why ? Why ?
"Wewe na hii nguvu yako , quarry itakufaa weeky Moja mihadarati iishe Kwa kichwa " he said before calling out “NEXT”.
Lol i was kufaad, I had never held a dareeeeee ( silaha ya quarry) leave alone kufanya kazi ya mjengo , akiiiiiii this was a disciplinary facility .
After submitting our health issues , the next part was getting a clean Shave , I had baby dreadlocks n I felt like shouting “SInyolewi”.
Kweli ukistaajabu ya musa yangoje ya firauni.
The barber was an old inmate serving a 30 year jail term for hacking his brother to death using a blunt axe , demanding share of a piece of inherited land by force.
I was used to see barbers use WAHL clippers or Super taper or even scissors but hair this butcher was using a sharp razor blade, no surgical spirit, no after shave just water na wembe ta NACCET .
On the hot barber sit by then was Timo , his mohawk was fading away he tried to scream but he was told kijana lazma uwe msafi kama muhongo umetolewa maganda…
Hebu ngojeeni niuzie customer bulb nacum
9: mgeni Wa serikali.
As timo was busy getting a stone cold cut , a warden came running and murmed something to the warden in charge then .
“Macharia Kamau and Timothy njuguna , see me” …
I could see him yes …
"Mnionee sahii "
I moved from the queue and approached him, he was holding a letter of some kind.
“Vijana mna bahati a person called maina has secured your bail of 20 k you can either choose to leave now or after the shave”. He said…
Over my dead body , I ran to where timo was and told him the good news, timo wanted to leave but was told kumalizia kunyolewa lazma, so I had no choice but to wait for him…
The instance we cleared and took our belongings , I stood outside the prison gate breathed in then out and told timo .
“Mimi na kazi ya jaza jaza nimewacha”.
Maina was waiting for us outside with a group of Thika road sacco drivers and touts. They had changaad the money to bail us out…
END
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